One Zwift ProTip for the masses: Make sure you add your excuse for lack of pace into your user name (and use ALLCAPS) so people know why they're passing you.

Examples:

D. 333SP (65+)
D. 333SP (RECOVERY DAY)
D. 333SP (CLEAT IS LOOSE)
D. 333SP (DOUBLE CENTURY TOMORROW)

Etc.

This p.m. I will be B. Fartstein (ISUCK).

Ride on!

Speaking of which...

Did you notice the "Tex" Ride-On now has different voices??

I turned off Zwift sounds and chats a while ago, I am become curmudgeon.

Well when most chatting on zwift is people griping about not sticking together on a group ride, I can't blame you!

I use trainerroad for workouts but send power to zwift to have something to look at. This weekend I did a couple of alpe du zwift races while I did long sweet spot intervals, made 20-30min stretches at 90% more tolerable while passing people (of course, rest between intervals took much of those gains away!)

I don't blame you.

That said, I try do do group rides with friends and we chat using Discord to pass the time. I suggest you may wish to try it, assuming you have some friends you can ride with.

Most races also sit right at sweetspot too, i just find ones that are around the amount of time I have and ride them near sweetspot and don't sprint at the beginning or end

destroyer of virtual worlds?

The Zwift sounds are annoying, but I do warm up for my warmup by dancing to the Zwift theme.

I usually have Spotify on which drown out whatever sounds Zwift makes anyway :lol:

Another Zwift ProTip: When you're just riding around minding your own virtual business and you get a wheel sucker, wait until they give you a Ride On and then drope the hamer and ride them off your wheel. Most of my intervals in Zwift are riding someone off my wheel, which is immensely satisfying. Also, never return a ride on until you're 1-2 minutes up the road after humiliating them, then it's appropriate to send them virtual kudos.

Pearls like these (and, of course, the need for Mg+ in my...bidet? boudoir?...bottle thingie) is why I keep coming back.

I thought it's also customary to hit F4, then M, then type "u cant touch dis" before you drope the hamer?

Hey, that should have a +2 charge.

I decided to take a break from Zwift and ride a bike-shaped stationary object at the gym. Unfortunately, it has a mattress saddle, and I now have the adult equivalent of diaper rash. The control video interface was surprisingly Zwift-like.

...and, of course, the humiliation.

This happens to me when I travel and only have access to stationary bikes are in the hotel gym. No idea how people can stand those things. I usually end up using the recumbent stationary and periodically hold my butt off the seat using the little heart rate monitor handles to restore circulation.

That happens even if you are wearing NOT BIBS shorts?

I joined a D group ride the other night and figured it was just going to be a steady pace. Didn't realize that people were going to sprint so I was a little annoyed when I saw people flying by me at 10w/kg.

The other annoying thing is that I've been having spotty wifi in the garage so several times the entire group would disappear and I'd be riding by myself and then all of a sudden a hundred riders would apparate onto the road.

I recently got set up for Zwift and find it fun and engaging - love the concept. But the rides are all flat and pretty boring; I keep my front wheel raised to a 5% grade since climbs is where I want continuous, sustained power, so that's the riding position that matters to me, but there are no sustained climbs in the game (yes, I said it - game). I don't particularly like the video game like aspects of it. The training programs or rides or whatever they're called, well on those I can't find a way to bypass the warmup. I usually get on the trainer after riding home from work, which is plenty of warmup for me, and I really don't need or want a second warmup. I can't find any way to skip past that part though. As for the game aspects, I can't see why they don't use the technology to level out differences in equipment to normalize efforts, then if people want handicaps they could just turn a handicap dial. Everyone else could see what handicap they're riding on when in a group, which is perfectly fine to keep a ride no-drop. For races and competitive rides they could simply disable all handicaps. The whole thing with "upgrades" and buffs and stuff, that looks pretty sketchy to me and doesn't add anything, and definitely isn't "fun". But, even though as a training tool it's kinda so so, the experience is great, it's just the video game aspects that are a little off-putting. I don't want to "level up", I want to train.

Yeah, that's pretty rambly first impressions.

There's a button that looks like a fast-forward symbol. Click on that and it will go to the next interval in the workout.

The thing I hate about the training part is that if you pause or even let up a bit to have a swig of water or adjust your diaper (see above), it penalizes you by failing you for one section of the workout.

Also, I now have knee pain for the first time in my life. (I think it might have been the gym bike, since the cleat clips on the pedals have no float.)

I don't think that it's that sensitive, as long as you keep pedaling. And if you do need to get off, for example, to adjust a fan or take a nature break, you can hit pause.

Another thing that annoys me is that Zwift seems to rely more on w/Kg for speed on flat ground than on outright power. **WARNING: ZWIFT KILL STORY FOLLOWS***

I was doing my thing this morning and trying to drop some guy from Korea who sat on my wheel and gave me a ride on.

I was sitting at about 250 watts and when trying to drop him I'd ramp up to 350-400 over and over again (around 4.5-5 w/Kg at my weight). I could see in the game he was ramping up to the same w/Kg numbers and would keep catching back up after I'd get a 2-3 second gap and let off a bit. Anyway, eventually I got annoyed and actually launched a full on sprint and then settled into an extended 380 watt effort and got 15 seconds on him, and then left the game (plus I hit my time goal). Out of curiosity I checked the Zwift app after the ride, found him, and I could see he was touching 230-240 watts at the points where I was doing 400 yet he had the same w/Kg ratio, so assuming he really is a 120 lb lightweight, he still shouldn't have been able to hang on to a 400 watt surge on flat ground while pushing 240 watts, right?

Only thing I can come up with is maybe the game's calculation of my drag based on my height is forcing me to put out far more power to push through the virtual air than this presumably much smaller guy? Would the added drag on a 6'3" person riding a 60cm bike compared to a, say, 5'2" person on a 48cm bike really require more than 150% more power to go the same speed?

Troubling story. Allz I know is if I ever find myself on your wheel, I'm keeping my "Ride-ons" in my pocket. :Þ

R

Barney Fartstein (soon to be something more clever)

^^ I think you forgot to give him the look before you droped the hamer. Pretty sure that explains why you could not drop him. That, or Zwift exaggerated the benefits of drafting.

But more likely lack of “the look.” I am sure there is a hot key in Zwift for it.