Thank you all for the replies and the help. Well, it doesn't look like the spider arms are bent. I put the spider on a flat surface and used a nickel to slide under each arm and the clearance is the same on all four. Well, I guess it's a mystery why the chainring is flat when I put it on a flat surface but when it's attached to the spider there's a curve. Anyway, last time I tried to change the position of the crank it didn't make a difference but tried again yesterday and viola, it worked and the wobbling is much more acceptable now and the chain doesn't rub against the outer side of the cage any more HOWEVER, it now touches the other side (inside) of the cage when the chain is on the biggest ring and the biggest cog but it's not bad and I know this combination should be avoided anyway but I'll see if I can fix that too somehow.
Thanks again for the help.