I think I've just determined the root cause is personality driven, to a fault.
I should be pretty happy with what I do. Most folks would be ecstatic with having nearly Cat 3 fitness on a Cat 6 time budget and having soooooo many options around here either alone or in groups to ride with.
But, in the end can't determine why I can't be satisfied. Not fitness wise, I just see that as a personal goal and journey. I'm talking about satisfied in what I am able to attend and do.
I should be pleased. That's on me.