Dude, you are out there doing it..... give yourself break
venting is ok
Low gears and pedaling faster are your friend, Better to do that then mash and stress
here is an interesting read that may help a bit...point is it can't be all stress
https://www.outsideonline.com/232774...ss-rest-growth
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Life is too short not to ride the best bike you have, as much as you can
(looking for Torpado Super light frame/fork or for Raleigh International frame fork 58cm)