I tried dry lube a while back and it seemed to barely last more than 2-3 rides, less than 200 miles. Usually get double that with wet lube and I am also a Finish Line ceramic lube convert. Usually on dry roads here (Maryland) but occasional wet road rides or rides in rain.
On cleaning the chain, the only time I add the extra step you do of the soapy water then clean water rinse is when I first clean the chain, then clean the entire bike. I use a chain cleaning tool, after running chain through it with Simple Green I fill the chain cleaner tool with water and run it through again if I'm not washing the bike. Seems to be good enough to get the degreaser out.
I have found that if I lube the chain and then before my next ride I wipe the outside down with a rag, then the oil has soaked into the important parts and the grit pickup doesn't seem much worse than it was with the dry lube. I also do the wipe down after every ride to remove as much of what it did pick up as possible.
I honestly can't say that any of this makes the chain or cassette/cogs last any longer than they did when I just did almost no chain maintenance! Psychologically, I have convinced myself that those GCN numbers on saved watts with a clean drive chain are accurate, so I feel faster...