Y, replicating the type of fitness you have now after a few years off is not going to happen. Fat jokes and shots about your emotional state are all in good fun, but probably worthless attempts to penetrate your current state. What appears to need to happen is somehow making it work until the kids get a little bit older, repeatedly.
That means really listening to that nagging little voice in your head without fully giving yourself over to it. Chances are you'll come back with a fresher perspective on racing or enjoy talking to the people on group rides more. Sneak out now and then to keep sane. Otherwise doing max cadence burping intervals on Zwift for the next few months will do more for you long term than weak attempts to fully enjoy a new hobby. Which by no means rules out a new hobby in whatever limited time you have.
From my perspective your biggest hurdle is holding a kid in each arm makes relaxing with a beer into not relaxing with a beer, ever. Pre-pre selection is so ridiculous it can't even qualify as an acceptable human endeavor.