Should I quit working with my coach?
I don’t post here very often at all (ever?) but I read a lot of the threads and thought I might ask for some advice: should I quit working with my coach
I have been cycling seriously for a few years now and am reasonably fast and reasonably fit. I take it seriously and want very much to improve. I started working with a coach last year because I wanted to push myself to reach a higher level of fitness and race for my first full season this year. Over the winter, my coach gave me a structured plan via TrainingPeaks. I didn’t really understand what we were doing or why, but I trusted them since they have a note-worthy career as a cyclist, are well respected, and seem super knowledgeable.
I have definitely improved my fitness, but then again my own winter plans, which I designed, also improved my fitness notably. I am racing well locally, winning a few 4/5 races and getting second in a few road races. All of my race tactics are my own, my coach and I have never discussed any strategy. I don’t know what they would say are my strengths or weaknesses. However, communication in general seems pretty terrible. There have been races I was just demolished in and felt like crap, and we basically didn’t talk about it. Now, in the summer, I have no idea why I am doing what I am doing. Sometimes workouts will have notes that reference events I am not competing in and seem to be training rides for those events. They (my coach) act sort of stand-offish when I see them in person, and they have a very hands-off approach in general. I do see them encouraging others, though, openly. It feels a lot like I am supposed to just blindly do what’s in TrainingPeaks, outside of which we rarely communicate. I have met with them to try and talk about it, but it hasn’t helpe
I am also super confused about how to even communicate in TrainingPeaks. If I don’t feel or perform well, or feel discouraged and admit that, they cut my training down and we don’t talk about it. If I am feeling down or discouraged or otherwise not well and do not tell them, I just perform poorly any way and there is no discussion at all followed by fewer workouts or rides in Training Peaks. Pretty often, I will ask a question or express some self-doubt and that will receive zero comment. When I perform poorly and we don’t talk about, I tend to convince myself I am too heavy and try to cut calories and start bonking. Or I worry I am not strong enough to warrant their focus and get down on myself. Admittedly, I have some ripping social anxiety and don’t have a fantastic self-image, but I guess I hoped a coach would help me build a little confidence. I don’t feel like I know this person at all, and they definitely don’t know me very well, even after more than 10 months. I am pretty uncomfortable taking to them because they don’t seem to “hear” what I am saying. I feel really bummed out about it and like I am not worth their effort or something, which just kind of makes me that much more anxious.
Is this on me and totally outside what a coach’s “realm”, or is it fair to wish we were more engaged? Is coaching really just uploading workouts in TrainingPeaks, and if so is it worth the financial cost? Couldn’t I just manage my own training to equal results?
Sorry for such a long post, but thank you for any insight you might have.