so it seems that wheels that have multiple spoke breakages is because they have been neglected for ages and the spokes are undertensioned for ages, wearing away at the cross points for years until they start going pop
This had been rattling in the back of my mind since I read it. I just wanted to say, that it is counter to my experience. I have never seen this happen. Spoke failure I have seen was always at one end or the other, never at the crosses. I have generally worn out a rim and replaced it using the same spokes on high mileage wheels. That was always in the days of rim brakes. I have not been using disc brakes long enough to wear out wheel components, especually since I upgraded wheels before they got too old on my one disc equipped bike.
I am not doubting your account of spokes worn thin at the crosses, but it does make me wonder what is different about the setup or usage. My highest mileage wheels had a second rim worn on the rear wheel out before it was retired (the front is worn too but hasn't failed yet). I was in a shop buying a new wheel to finish a tour and figured I'd lace on a new rim at home. After failing to properly communicate that to the mechanic he started snipping out spokes so I gave up on putting a new rim on with those spokes, but they didn't show any obvious signs of wear. I am looking at the front wheel on that bike and the spokes look like new. The wheel was original from 1990 and has some really high mileage years on it. The spokes look perfect to me. The rim looks like it is ready for replacement again soon.