Sometimes life sucks. Embrace the suck. Screw the lemonade... enjoy the lemons. Some of history's greatest figures have been totally crazy. By comparison.... you are barely sick.
Get treatment, and enjoy yourself. There is no shame or need to beat yourself up.... for a little minor mental illness. You're plenty sane enough to walk around. That should mean... your just crazy enough to enjoy yourself.
I find my joy in cycling. Find your joy. Then spend as much time there as you can spare.