Iv struggled with depression (MDD) for nearly 15 years now, and addiction for 11 of those years. I found joy in absolutely nothing, other than my drugs. When i finally got into recovery, it became worse. I felt i had nothing left and thinking that just getting clean was going to fix everything, well that was a huge mistake. But I actually did try to find something after awhile. I went through so many things, only sticking with them for a week or two. I was also going through a separation with my husband, so I was trying to find myself again.
I live next to a 22 mile bike path that runs along one of our highways that i drive nearly everyday. I loved watching everyone on their bikes. I kept thinking i should try cycling, but never got around to it until it was time for my then 3yr old to get his first bike. I went and bought a $10 bike off CL that was horrible, didnt even have brakes lol But i loved it. I found myself riding everyday my son wasnt there, and riding the days he was there with him. I love trying to work on them now too. Its been a year and im still loving it so much...
There are still days, sometimes weeks, that I find myself locked in my room (when i can be) with my phone turned off. But theyre not as often. Like you said, sometimes you just have to let yourself feel what you need to feel. And its totally fine, important even...as long as you dont stay there forever.
I think its wonderful that youve found joy in something again. Even just getting out and riding a mile at least, is something. And youll still have the next ride to look forward to and be excited about.