I can't speak for all of your concerns, but I picked up a set of lightly preowned Pearl Izumi Allroad MTB shoes in size 48 for $40 on eBay. Since I ride primarly gravel I have put them through much more abuse than the previous owner did, but they are holding up fine so far.
They are wide enough and more comfortable than I imagined, but I wouldn't wear this particular pair for regular shoes, as they are a bit stiff for that purpose. I do see more 'casual' or 'sporty' type shoes for sale when I check out clipless in stores and online.
I'm actually surprised I went as long as I did without clipless pedals. I thought I wouldn't be coordinated enough to unclip safely, but now I do fine (after a couple minor mishaps).