Wife is mad I cycle while she's at work
08-10-19, 06:16 AM
#26
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Wish I had some good advice, but my situation is the opposite. She encourages me to go riding when she's working! And many in our group are retired females, and she isn't bothered by that. My wife will be retiring soon, so we will be able to ride together more, which I'll enjoy, as will other members of our group who have met her. Maybe explain the health benefits of cycling, that you wish to stay healthy for her. Maybe that might work?
08-10-19, 06:19 AM
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I’d go fishing in the morning and ride the bike after she’s back from work. At least she can choose whether to ride with you.
08-10-19, 06:59 AM
#28
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Get a mistress, that will make her wish you were cycling.
Tim
Tim
08-10-19, 08:03 AM
#30
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Wife insisted that I semi-retire in 2000 then fully retire a few years later AND one can very well be retired when the other 1/2 of the "TEAM" is still working.
08-10-19, 01:07 PM
#31
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And not enough tools to get oneself back on the road.
Explaining to the wife why there are 7 sets of dirty cycling shorts in the wash and you only went out riding once on the weekend?
Explaining why you have ripped trousers and cycling road rash when you were supposed to be working at home?
08-10-19, 01:12 PM
#32
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Why don't you join your wife as she cycles to work? And be there after work so the both of you can cycle home together.
08-10-19, 01:42 PM
#33
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Not by posting private problems between husband and wife on the public internet, nor by asking random strangers what they would do.
I would ask someone I trust, a spiritual director, someone who has been happily married for decades or a very close friend instead.
This isn't a cycling problem. It is a marriage problem. Cycling just happens to be the activity and it could just as easily be tennis or gardening.
-Tim-
I would ask someone I trust, a spiritual director, someone who has been happily married for decades or a very close friend instead.
This isn't a cycling problem. It is a marriage problem. Cycling just happens to be the activity and it could just as easily be tennis or gardening.
-Tim-
08-10-19, 04:00 PM
#34
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Tell her you're open to compromise and you will let her choose.....riding the bike, sitting home drinking bourbon or finding a girlfriend.
08-10-19, 05:30 PM
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08-10-19, 05:43 PM
#39
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Hmm... I smell a trust issue here.
Perhaps you need to be direct with her what her concerns are?
And, how you can mitigate/reconcile her objections?
Anger is the secondary emotion, what are her primary emotions regarding riding without her?
Perhaps you need to be direct with her what her concerns are?
And, how you can mitigate/reconcile her objections?
Anger is the secondary emotion, what are her primary emotions regarding riding without her?
08-10-19, 06:19 PM
#40
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Buy a big scary motorcycle. Buy a horse. Make the horse ride the motorcycle while she's at work. Post a picture of it on Facebook.
I'm divorced, btw.
I'm divorced, btw.
08-10-19, 07:05 PM
#41
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Similar situation here. I'm retired also but share a house with my brother and niece who work. It seems to bother them that I have this free time to do things while they are hard at work.
In my opinion it's not selfish that you are riding during the day; you did your time working and now are retired.
In my opinion it's not selfish that you are riding during the day; you did your time working and now are retired.
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08-10-19, 07:25 PM
#43
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I suppose it depends if one is riding solo or with a group, or if she sees sweaty cycling clothes and wonders if he went for a ride????
One could, of course, get a bike camera with audio. Stream it, and archive onto a large external HDD. Let her review any ride she wishes. It could get boring mighty quickly.
Or, perhaps she is jealous of not being able to ride, or jealous of other riding buddies for doing "her sport", either M or F.
08-10-19, 07:58 PM
#44
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It’s not the cycling she’s bothered about. It’s the fact that you’re retired and she’s not. I strongly recommend you start increasing your share of the household duties. Yes, you’re retired, but nobody wants to put in a full day and come home to start a second job of housework. You don’t need to carry all of the responsibilities, but taking some of the burden off of her would go a long way toward easing her load.
If she’s spent her day working only to come home and hear how you’ve been goofing off all day while she starts in with the chores, she’s gonna be resentful. If she comes home and a bunch of stuff has been handled, and oh, by the way, I went for a ride too, well, she’ll probably be pretty comfortable with the situation. If the chores were done by the time she got home, the two of you could go for a short ride together.
Marriage is a team sport. Nobody’s retired until you’re both retired. When one person in the marriage retires, the only thing that changes are the job descriptions.
-Kedosto
If she’s spent her day working only to come home and hear how you’ve been goofing off all day while she starts in with the chores, she’s gonna be resentful. If she comes home and a bunch of stuff has been handled, and oh, by the way, I went for a ride too, well, she’ll probably be pretty comfortable with the situation. If the chores were done by the time she got home, the two of you could go for a short ride together.
Marriage is a team sport. Nobody’s retired until you’re both retired. When one person in the marriage retires, the only thing that changes are the job descriptions.
-Kedosto
But speaking as a wife, I’d say Kedisgo’s advise is spot on.
08-10-19, 08:11 PM
#45
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I suppose it depends if one is riding solo or with a group, or if she sees sweaty cycling clothes and wonders if he went for a ride????
One could, of course, get a bike camera with audio. Stream it, and archive onto a large external HDD. Let her review any ride she wishes. It could get boring mighty quickly.
Or, perhaps she is jealous of not being able to ride, or jealous of other riding buddies for doing "her sport", either M or F.
This is a sensitive topic with my g/f because she is not physically able to cycle at this time. Sometimes women, and men of course, will attach a sense of exclusivity to an activity as "our time." She is likely hurt that she is not included because of a work commitment.
OP will need to be a dedicated listener to let her vent these painful feelings.
08-10-19, 08:12 PM
#46
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08-10-19, 09:23 PM
#47
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There has been a wide variety of advice given here. Some very good, some flat out unhelpful, and some downright hilarious!
"See a marriage counselor" has been advised a lot. Really? A couple should seek marriage counseling simply because they don't agree on cycling schedules? That's goofy advice. Asking for advice about dealing with cycling schedule differences on a cycling forum makes perfect sense. Many members here are married, and most of us ride bikes, so, why not?
Anyway, all of this is moot, since the OP may or may not own a bike, and likely doesn't even have a wife!
Good job OP.
"See a marriage counselor" has been advised a lot. Really? A couple should seek marriage counseling simply because they don't agree on cycling schedules?
That's goofy advice. Asking for advice about dealing with cycling schedule differences on a cycling forum makes perfect sense. Many members here are married, and most of us ride bikes, so, why not?Anyway, all of this is moot, since the OP may or may not own a bike, and likely doesn't even have a wife!
Good job OP.
Last edited by AlmostTrick; 08-10-19 at 09:27 PM.
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08-11-19, 07:07 AM
#48
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When I was in my mid-40's I took a package (from work) that allowed me some time off before needing to find another job. So for the next 18 months I cycled and/or snowboarded. My wife was a little envious and had a few comments of my new Lifestyle even though stuff was getting done around the house and the bills were getting paid. I basically told her I needed the break and this was a Life Check for me, getting back to things I enjoyed doing before getting caught up in the Rat Race.
Fast forward to the present.....my wife have been retired now for 4yrs. When she left the Bank she bought a pink Colnago and has been riding it a lot! I even encouraged her to ride more by installing a hitch and bike rake for her Mustang. I think she gets it now.
I don't plan on officially retiring for another 6+yrs but because of my time off cycling has become a part of my life (again). I'm more fit now and in a better frame of mind....and so is she.
Rambling done......
Fast forward to the present.....my wife have been retired now for 4yrs. When she left the Bank she bought a pink Colnago and has been riding it a lot! I even encouraged her to ride more by installing a hitch and bike rake for her Mustang. I think she gets it now.
I don't plan on officially retiring for another 6+yrs but because of my time off cycling has become a part of my life (again). I'm more fit now and in a better frame of mind....and so is she.
Rambling done......
08-11-19, 07:16 AM
#49
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A couple years ago, my wife moved into a much more demanding job which also pays even more than she had been earning. The geographic move required that I give up my job, and so now I work only part-time, and only from late August through April -- my summers are completely free. Though I am usually still in bed when she leaves for work, she'll bring in a cup of coffee, give me a goodbye kiss, and tell me "You should get out on your bike today."
Last winter, out of the blue, she told me "You should buy a new bike; get whatever you want, and don't worry about the cost."
And by the way, she's much younger than I am, much more attractive, and great in bed. Oh, and she's a great cook, too.
No point to this, other than to counter some of the anti-wife posts than always accompany these discussions. And to make some of you jealous!
Last winter, out of the blue, she told me "You should buy a new bike; get whatever you want, and don't worry about the cost."
And by the way, she's much younger than I am, much more attractive, and great in bed. Oh, and she's a great cook, too.
No point to this, other than to counter some of the anti-wife posts than always accompany these discussions. And to make some of you jealous!
08-11-19, 07:37 AM
#50
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A couple years ago, my wife moved into a much more demanding job which also pays even more than she had been earning. The geographic move required that I give up my job, and so now I work only part-time, and only from late August through April -- my summers are completely free. Though I am usually still in bed when she leaves for work, she'll bring in a cup of coffee, give me a goodbye kiss, and tell me "You should get out on your bike today."
Last winter, out of the blue, she told me "You should buy a new bike; get whatever you want, and don't worry about the cost."
And by the way, she's much younger than I am, much more attractive, and great in bed. Oh, and she's a great cook, too.
No point to this, other than to counter some of the anti-wife posts than always accompany these discussions. And to make some of you jealous!
Last winter, out of the blue, she told me "You should buy a new bike; get whatever you want, and don't worry about the cost."
And by the way, she's much younger than I am, much more attractive, and great in bed. Oh, and she's a great cook, too.
No point to this, other than to counter some of the anti-wife posts than always accompany these discussions. And to make some of you jealous!
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