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Saying yes sir and yes ma’am

Old 10-25-19, 01:09 PM
  #126  
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Originally Posted by Rje58 View Post
No F@*$*! way!

It may have used to be that way, but in our modern world - not anymore!

Respect is demanded from others - given to few, except those who command it by force. What we used to think of as profanity is now considered normal conversation, and the 'new profanity' are obsolete values like those indicated by the "R" word and the "A" word. (responsibility and accountability)



On another note, back in the '80s I briefly dated a woman who took a dim view of "sir", and "ma'am" and even "please" and "thank you". Her most common complaint about me was that I was too polite. So one night I'm driving her home after dinner out at a restaurant, and she launches into a tirade about how "men around here are too nice" and she preferred the less civil guys back where she was from.

So I asked her: "If I cuss you out, and beat you and leave you on the side of the road, will that make you happy?"

End of relationship - mercifully for both of us, I believe. She later indicated interest in continuing after that, but I couldn't imagine why and declined.
Not knowing her or you, I'm going to take a guess here and say she was likely talking about the difference between being polite and being obsequious. In any event, its seems like the two of you were incompatible and made the right choice to end the relationship. I would never have had that conversation while being trapped in a car.
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Old 10-25-19, 02:14 PM
  #127  
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Originally Posted by bbbean View Post
Given your extraordinary sensitivity and the apparent ESP of your cohorts, can I look forward to being called sir and Mr. Surname by your fellow travelers, given that that is how I prefer to be addressed by people I'm not on a first name basis with? I hope you'll similarly be able to wish me the appropriate and specific holiday greetings, because heaven forbid we should rely on cultural norms and avoid taking offense where none is intended.
Originally Posted by DrIsotope View Post
<to shamelessly steal from Twitter> That's the problem these days-- everybody is in such a hurry to get offended. I can't even wish a guy Happy Honda Days anymore, because what if he celebrates Toyotathon?
At least some people are reading a lot to get here, maybe some of it will sink in (but I doubt it).

I'll also steal one from Twitter: "You actually can say whatever you want, offend who you want—if you have the courage to own it. The question is, "Who do you want to offend? And, why?"
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Old 10-25-19, 04:18 PM
  #128  
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Originally Posted by genec View Post
I have doppio con panna almost daily.

But, I still drink "waitress supplied drip coffee" and say "thank you ma'am" when I go to breakfast.

We don't have the second option here. It's not a thing.

When going out to breakfast, or lunch or dinner or mid-afternoon coffee or brunch or whatever, there is one choice ... Italian-style coffee. Unless you go to a small service station in the country to fuel up and grab a packaged muffin. Then you might have the option of instant coffee. In that case, the service station attendant will point you to a table with a hot water carafe and a tin of International Roast, and you'll make it yourself.

Last edited by Machka; 10-25-19 at 04:31 PM.
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Old 10-25-19, 04:34 PM
  #129  
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Originally Posted by ridelikeaturtle View Post
At least some people are reading a lot to get here, maybe some of it will sink in (but I doubt it).

I'll also steal one from Twitter: "You actually can say whatever you want, offend who you want—if you have the courage to own it. The question is, "Who do you want to offend? And, why?"
While we're at it, let me steal one more from Twitter, from the feed of Teju Cole. Based on a true story.

"Sam, a sour lover in the Bronx, having shot Pearl several times and missed, turned the revolver on himself, with great accuracy."
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Old 10-25-19, 04:40 PM
  #130  
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Maybe you'll humor me one more stolen tweet:

"Beheading an old woman no longer guarantees all your problems will be solved. Clement, 26, of Ebonyi, is disappointed."

Also based on a true story.
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Old 10-25-19, 05:49 PM
  #131  
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No, she was seriously talking about "too polite". I was not being obsequious, not fawning over her, nor catering to her, nor even paying overmuch attention. She was more interested in me, than I was in her.
She asked me out the first time, I did not ask her out. 90% of the women I dated, I asked them out first. She was in the other 10%.

Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
Not knowing her or you, I'm going to take a guess here and say she was likely talking about the difference between being polite and being obsequious. In any event, its seems like the two of you were incompatible and made the right choice to end the relationship. I would never have had that conversation while being trapped in a car.
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Old 10-25-19, 05:50 PM
  #132  
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No, she was seriously talking about "too polite". I was not being obsequious, not fawning over her, nor catering to her, nor even paying overmuch attention. She was more interested in me, than I was in her.
She asked me out the first time, I did not ask her out. 90% of the women I dated, I asked them out first. She was in the other 10%.

I think maybe it was that she was attracted to the "bad boy" type. Which does not explain her attraction to me, other than me being a smartass at the time.

Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
Not knowing her or you, I'm going to take a guess here and say she was likely talking about the difference between being polite and being obsequious. In any event, its seems like the two of you were incompatible and made the right choice to end the relationship. I would never have had that conversation while being trapped in a car.
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Old 10-28-19, 10:05 AM
  #133  
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Originally Posted by Machka View Post

That 'Long Black' I know as Americano
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Old 10-28-19, 07:50 PM
  #134  
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Originally Posted by RubeRad View Post
That 'Long Black' I know as Americano
Yes, and occasionally that will be an option here. But mostly it's just called Long Black.
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Old 10-28-19, 09:41 PM
  #135  
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So I met someone the other day trying to get my attention that referred to me as "my man". Should I have felt insulted?

Another mature women in a department store refereed to me as sweet heart. I told her that was inappropriate, and she said "that's how I talk to people"

A third sales associate (a young man) referred to me as "man". After, I corrected him, he said he didn't want to appear weak. To his credit, he was smart enough to apologize.
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Old 10-28-19, 10:24 PM
  #136  
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Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
Another mature women in a department store refereed to me as sweet heart. I told her that was inappropriate...
You must be a real sweetheart.
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Old 10-29-19, 07:34 AM
  #137  
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Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
So I met someone the other day trying to get my attention that referred to me as "my man". Should I have felt insulted?
No insult, just an attention getting greeting from some people that will end a conversation with "alright".
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Old 10-29-19, 07:46 AM
  #138  
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Originally Posted by ahsposo View Post
No Problem
No worries...
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Old 10-29-19, 08:07 AM
  #139  
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Sometimes I add sir or ma'am if just saying yes or no seems too short or curt. Often it happens when a nurse is asking me a series of health questions. Usually only the first question gets a sir or ma'am.
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Old 10-29-19, 08:44 AM
  #140  
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After 20 years of either being in or working for the Army yes sir and yes ma'am are automatic. I look at like the difference between "Sie" and "Du" in German but different strokes for different folks.
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Old 10-29-19, 09:25 AM
  #141  
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Originally Posted by FiftySix View Post
No insult, just an attention getting greeting from some people that will end a conversation with "alright".
? I don't think there's supposed to be an L in that word, or an R for that matter
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Old 10-29-19, 10:10 AM
  #142  
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Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
So I met someone the other day trying to get my attention that referred to me as "my man". Should I have felt insulted?

Another mature women in a department store refereed to me as sweet heart. I told her that was inappropriate, and she said "that's how I talk to people"

A third sales associate (a young man) referred to me as "man". After, I corrected him, he said he didn't want to appear weak. To his credit, he was smart enough to apologize.
If a mature woman (who is older than me) calls me "sweetheart", i'd be happy and i'd respond "ma'am". I seriously do not understand why do you think it is inappropriate? I mean if she was younger than you, that would be inappropriate, yes, but she is older and it should be OK.

The sales associate who calls you "man" is also not taking his job very seriously i assume. He should have referred you as "sir".

Last edited by Newspaper_Nick; 10-29-19 at 10:15 AM.
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Old 10-29-19, 12:45 PM
  #143  
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Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
Another mature women in a department store refereed to me as sweet heart. I told her that was inappropriate, and she said "that's how I talk to people"

At lunch today, my server called me sweetie, honey, darlin' and sugar by the time I left. Put a smile on my face every time. Nothing in the world inappropriate about being nice to people.

As the late great Jim Jackson said, "Ain't in nice to be nice when you can be nice!"
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Old 10-29-19, 01:41 PM
  #144  
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Originally Posted by RubeRad View Post
? I don't think there's supposed to be an L in that word, or an R for that matter
From what I can tell, it depends on if your middle aged or older how it's said. Reminds me of a Kevin Hart stand up bit talking about his dad. Alright - Alright - Alright.

Completely different than the Matthew McConaughey version.
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Old 10-29-19, 02:01 PM
  #145  
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lol I've only heard the McConaughey version
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Old 10-29-19, 03:03 PM
  #146  
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Originally Posted by Newspaper_Nick View Post
If a mature woman (who is older than me) calls me "sweetheart", i'd be happy and i'd respond "ma'am". I seriously do not understand why do you think it is inappropriate? I mean if she was younger than you, that would be inappropriate, yes, but she is older and it should be OK.
I didn't invent manners, but I do accept them. Good manners are never inappropriate regardless of age.

The sales associate who calls you "man" is also not taking his job very seriously i assume. He should have referred you as "sir".
He was improperly trained. But he did correct his mistake and apologize.

Originally Posted by bbbean View Post
At lunch today, my server called me sweetie, honey, darlin' and sugar by the time I left. Put a smile on my face every time. Nothing in the world inappropriate about being nice to people.

As the late great Jim Jackson said, "Ain't in nice to be nice when you can be nice!"
I suppose some may see it as flattering, which may have been why she did it. But from my perspective that's not being nice, its being presumptuous. Which is tantamount to being disrespectful. Being nice isn't directly connected to being casual.
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Old 10-29-19, 03:08 PM
  #147  
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Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
I suppose some may see it as flattering, which may have been why she did it. But from my perspective that's not being nice, its being presumptuous. Which is tantamount to being disrespectful. Being nice isn't directly connected to being casual.
I suppose some people are just looking for things that will offend. I'm pretty sure life's a lot happier if you look for things that make you smile and extend the benefit of the doubt. YMMV.
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Old 10-29-19, 03:31 PM
  #148  
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I believe myself to be polite and respectful. However, the military, long ago, cured me of the "sir" and "Ma'am" thing where, most who insisted on it, weren't worthy whereas those that did not got more respect from me.
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Old 10-29-19, 03:46 PM
  #149  
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Originally Posted by bbbean View Post
I suppose some people are just looking for things that will offend.
I didn't invent titles, manners, or formality. That all existed long before I came along. I'm guessing a lot of people found the opposite offensive or titles would never have come into existence. Those "some people" apparently felt strong enough to formalize them and write them down.
I'm pretty sure life's a lot happier if you look for things that make you smile and extend the benefit of the doubt. YMMV.
Have you even been referred to as honey or sweetheart by a police officer on duty? Would you consider them nice if they did even though you still got the ticket? Would it make you smile?

Originally Posted by bobwysiwyg View Post
I believe myself to be polite and respectful. However, the military, long ago, cured me of the "sir" and "Ma'am" thing where, most who insisted on it, weren't worthy whereas those that did not got more respect from me.
Respect has to be earned. Nevertheless, decorum and demeanor are still a requirement.


In the military, addressing superiors by sir or ma'am is not just a matter of good manners, but required by regulation.
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Old 10-29-19, 04:01 PM
  #150  
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Originally Posted by KraneXL View Post
I didn't invent titles, manners, or formality. That all existed long before I came along. I'm guessing a lot of people found the opposite offensive or titles would never have come into existence. Those "some people" apparently felt strong enough to formalize them and write them down.
Have you even been referred to as honey or sweetheart by a police officer on duty? Would you consider them nice if they did even though you still got the ticket? Would it make you smile?

Respect has to be earned. Nevertheless, decorum and demeanor are still a requirement.


In the military, addressing superiors by sir or ma'am is not just a matter of good manners, but required by regulation.
You missed my point entirely.
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