RacerOne

Any chance of an html link? Work blocks out google docs..

Brian Sorrell

I like the idea plenty well. My gentle critique would be that you tell the reader what to think too often. For example: "...cycling just isn’t about riding a bike and getting in some training miles..." The reader should *get* that from the story; you don't need to tell the reader what the story tells.

Flatballer

Your work needs to get with the times. What's next, blocking Excel?

Anyway, good read. The story is great, the editing could use some work.

I was hoping you could work botto in somehow.

RacerOne

It has to do with storing company documents on a non company server. Information security and all that.

FR4NCH1SE

There were some grammar mistakes but it is a draft so that's fine. I read the whole thing and I thought it was great, kept my interest all the way through. I agree with alot of what you wrote, other than why we ride, or why I ride. It's the rush of adrenaline each time I sprint, I reflect alot when I ride, about where my life is and where it was. I ride for the fun of it, I ride for the fitness. Its the only exercise that either wont bore me or wont hurt me the longer I do it. I can barley run a mile in what 20 mins, back in high school, I can do many miles in that time on a bike. Cycling is a great style of life.

crydee

Thanks for all the positive feedback. Nothing hugely negative and considering this is BF I'm surprised

Working in a botto quote could be funny but besides a few one liners I read I know nothing about him other than he travels for some great rides.

I'm going to have trouble hunting down the last few grammar mistakes.

JesseyJo

Saw this topic, couldn't get past! In this very moment I try to do the same. I have to write a short essay about the advantages and disadvantages of road cycling. I am so excited about this work! Unlike my friend who always get high grades just by buying it in the Internet. But it's a little secrets between me and him. I'm not judging him.

Maelochs

Editing good material into better material is incredibly hard. It takes a very compassionate editor or a great deal of personal distance between you and the work.

it is obvious this came from your heart--the source of real communication. The hard part is to pick it apart and tighten up every little loose section, without killing the feeling.

Even as it is this is a fine piece of writing. it Communicates. it transfers thought and emotion between writer and reader.

Now think of the reader---a person looking at this from zero, feeling and knowing none of what you feel, what you tried to infuse into the words. What question would the reader ask? Where would the reader find it hard to follow. How can the story be made clearer to a person who has seen bikes, maybe rode as a kid, knows there are people who ride bikes, but lives in a bikeless world?

Whether you do more with this or not, you did a fine job here.

Machka 

Have you done any more writing in the past 10 years since you posted this?

Maelochs

Ouch .... More life wasted trying to talk to zombies ....

Nachoman

Crap. I fell for it and started reading the 10 year old essay. I wish zombie threads were easier to identify.

Jim from Boston

Quote:

Originally Posted by crydee

,,,Mainly, I want to confess I quoted a few guys here (Pcad and Dr. Pete) from my extensive reading of the boards when I first got started (the boards back then were way more cluttered with helpful threads). I was wondering how it is appropriate to quote them in this essay. I put their names from what I can tell in the article and quotes around them (and exaggerated a bit by necessary, but by reading their posts everday I felt as if I "know" them.) I Just want to make it is legit…

edit: if dr pete or pcad would say pm with their thoughts on this, this would be great, but just reminded this is fiction (but everything about me is true) and largely based on what I gained from reading the forums for a couple of years

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nachoman

Crap. I fell for it and started reading the 10 year old essay. I wish zombie threads were easier to identify.

When I read the OP, I naturally thought it was legitimately contemporary since it referred to pcad and Dr. Pete in the seemingly long ago past. As I recall, at least pcad was active here when I joined in 2008, and for a few years afterwards.

El Davisimo

Sooo... I'm a screenwriter. Setting subject aside, would you like some style and editing notes? There are a lot of little tweaks that would make the writing "pop" a bit more. Let me know.

Cyclist0108

Imagine paying someone with your command of grammar for an essay.

Keep spamming in semi-literate repetition.

cthenn

This thread wanted to die twice. And twice it has been reborn.

Machka 

Well ... they do have the date in the top left corner ...

goenrdoug

idea: board feature that makes the background color progressively darker based on the age of the initial post in the thread.

Posted today? bright white background.

Posted 10 years ago? Black background.

Posted a month ago? Light-gray background.

LAJ

Black background with black print? Just making sure we're on the same page.

goenrdoug

Perfect. The older the thread, the more difficult it'll be to read until...

Cenathori

Agree

Deal4Fuji

We keep asking for the original post date to be beside the OP's name under the thread title, just as it used to be, and we keep getting "we're working on it" every time. @IBThomas , @IBRyan . @IBobi how's it coming?

Jim from Boston

FYA, see this current thread, "Don't let newbies attach to dead threads,"

KraneXL

Start a thread and link it. I could use some writing encouragement and support. I took a couple of screenwriting classes some years ago (in protest to all the crappy TV shows and movies) and promised the teacher I would continue to write and work on my screenplays. You just reminded me that was one academic promise I didn't keep. 😔

I still have Final Draft on my computer.

IBobi

Won't be too long now.

FYI Ryan and Thomas are no longer at BF

Deal4Fuji

Good news, it really will help - Thanks IBobi