HardPull4Jesus

Hello.

I'm wondering if there are other riders on this forum who deal with serious mental illness. I used to be a fairly serious rider/racer in the 90's. But I've been totally disabled for about 4 years now due to psychiatric problems. All my doctors have advised that I try to go out and ride as much as possible, but most days it's all I can do to just force myself out of bed to shower. Getting on the bike can be a monumental, often impossible challenge.

Anyone else?

Please, no "I wish I were you and had all that time to ride" responses. If you really think that then you don't understand the nature of the beast. And trust me, you do not wish you were me.

Thanks

tulip

Hi. I don't know what it's like, but I do know that for a family member, sometimes just taking a shower is all she can do. It seems like just asking the question that you are asking is already a big first step.

I've heard many people say that exercise really helps relieve the symptoms of depression (no idea if that's what you live with, but all the same, it might help).

Would it help to have a destination, even if it's a nearby park?

HardPull4Jesus

No. No matter where I go, there I am.

brokenknee

I have a friend that has MS. He rides/drives his four-wheeler 12,000+ miles per year.

I asked him if he ever felt like not riding. He told me that he does, but he worries that if he just sits in the house and watches TV all day it will be to easier to do it the next day, then the next. He told me if he forces himself to ride the one day the next is easier and he actually wants to ride.

He hit a deer about a month and a half ago, broke 7 ribs and cracked his back in two places. He just got out of the nursing home, rode the first day he was back. He was in a lot of pain and I told him he was crazy for doing it.

It is just like any exercise, it may really suck to start with, but once you get into it you really enjoy it and feel good about it once you are done.

mawtangent

I don't pretend to have any serious mental problems but I do find myself in a "dark place" a lot of the time. I almost always feel better after I have taken a good ride (for me this is 15.5-18.5 miles, which takes me around 1.5 hours). I usually ride 2-3 times a week, all year long (around here it usually gets at least above 30 degrees in the afternoon, even in Dec-Jan-Feb). Sometimes I do have to force myself. I know I need the exercise to help control my weight, to keep some muscle tone (and to be fit enough for my job which sporadically requires some physical exertion), and to even get some decent sleep (especially on my days off from work). If I've not ridden in a few days I take these things into account and usually decide it is a good idea to ride.

One thing that brings me down is the ritualistic nature that ridding my bike seems to have taken on. I have to do/or think of about a dozen things to get ready (not like when I was a kid and just jumped on the bike and rode)...like pump up the skinny road tires, have helmet, yellow shirt, flat repair kit, water...I realize specific things are needed if you are going to ride more than a few miles away from home; I've regretted several times not being prepared for flats, now I make sure I'm ready for flats.

The above may not encourage you to ride, I'm just saying there are others who find it hard to get "out there" sometimes, but usually we are happier that we did decide to ride that day (than if we had chosen not to).

125psi

Check your mail.

Thxs,
b

cbhungry

.................................

MrPhil

Never been there myself, but I watched my ex struggle for many years. And yes, if you've never been there or witnessed severe mental illness, you have no idea how it is.
All I can do is offer encouragement. I wish you the best.

oldride

The more you dig yourself out of the deep dark hole the easier it is to dig out again tomorrow and the next day. Many years ago I dealt with depression after a divorce. During that time I got into running and weight training. The physical exertion and the runners high helped a great deal. Cycling is like that for me now. It's my therapy and provides a sense of well being. I ride 6 days a week even though occasionally (not often) I don't feel like it. But during any ride and when I return home I feel great and darn glad I got out there. You may have to force yourself at first but it will be worth it. It's a win win. Tell yourself "I'm worth it and I deserve to be happy and healthy." Unfortunately it won't fix itself only you can do that.

Peace and happiness.

Pat

Exercise is a great antidote for depression.

It might be good to set even a small goal. Decide to ride once around the block or something each day. I bet it would be very hard to do that. But once you get out there and do the block, then try another and another and so on.

I don't know if these advice is any help. I sure hope you find a solution.


Good luck to you.

HardPull4Jesus

Thanks

I'm looking out the window right now. It's sunny, around 70. I live in a semi-rural area with great mountains for riding. The bike is in the basement, only two floors away.

I'm not (actively) suicidal - the meds take the edge off and keep me just this side of that. But I don't want to live, let alone ride - that's really the crux of it. Doesn't everyone else in the world feel this way? I'm told they don't, but it's really hard to believe.

ochizon

I dont know your mindset, so I dont know to what extent what we say has meaning.

Do you have any desires?

Do you desire to not feel how you do?

I only ask because, logically, your current acitivity set is doing nothing to improve your well-being. If you can say "yes" to the second question, the that would imply that you have a willingness to find solutions.

Many seem to believe that cycling can have a theraputic effect, possibly improving your mood and well being.

So logically, you HAVE to get on the bike, at least to try it, because it can be, at least in part, a solution.

If your answer is "no" to the second question, then ignore my post.

narr33

I do not know your situation so all I can offer is what worked for me.

Routine, routine, routine. Go to bed the same time every night, get up (and out of bed) same time every morning. Make sure you you eat regular meals - if you feel like it or not. Get on the bike and ride (or walk if it is easier) even if it is for 15 mintes every day (again if you feel like it or not). Find something you enjoy even if it is a little bit and treat yourself every day (for me it was watching David Letterman - it was a long time ago so don't ask me why. You were a serious rider so you have the disipline, you can do it.

Billy Bones

I did my time in that hell a decade ago. The death-wish, the voices, the mental paralysis, the whole damn thing. I'll own to being lucky. The medical route tied with profound lifestyle changes got me out. It was a damned hard slog. I got out of the rat-race, turned away from some inter-personal crap, and in the end stopped the meds, not without a few false starts.

Anyway, I see you're getting medical help. Are you sure you've taken that as far as you can? Although you see there's lots of good advice here, as a sufferer you also know it's all about getting the brain chemistry back in balance. Work on that; make it your life's work. You know exactly what the stakes are so I won't spell out the details of That Black Hole for you.

Drop me a private message if you like.

heyguys

If I didnt ride bikes Id still be taking paxil. Ride on....and dont ever stop.

MMACH 5

I'm on the opposite side of this from you. I can't even begin to imagine where you are.

I did watch my mother go through this, but was way too young to understand it or even remember it very well.

I can only wish you the best and hope that you can find the help you need.

garysol1 

Paxil was the worse. To the OP. Yes I was in the same exact place you are now. Hard to believe that it was only 8 or so years ago. I had everything a parson could ask for. Awesome wife, perfect son, good job, new house plus all of the toys. One weekend the wife, the kid and I were at Lake Havasu for the weekend. We were staying at a really cool hotel with our new boat sitting just outside. Life was grand. Why then did my wife find me sitting in the corner of the shower crying? Who knows. My life changed that day and has never been the same. In some ways it has changed for the better and in some ways for the worse. So no, you are not alone. 8 years later I still find that I have to force myself to get on the bike. I know that if I don't ride I will be more miserable than I was if I didn't. Take a step back and take a deep breath. There is light at the end of that tunnel. Ride your bike. Don't set a goal. Just ride for 10 miles and if you are done then go home. Don't worry about speed or performance just ride and look around. Life is grand. If you ever need someone to talk to that has been where you are feel free to PM me. Ill give you my phone number.

DnvrFox

I am overwhelmed at the tremendous support offered by this group to a newcomer. After almost 8 years as a member of BFN, I am still proud to be around.

I've never been even close to where to where Hardpull is, despite a whole bunch of rather terrible stuff I and my family have been through. But I know that it relates to brain chemistry, imbalances and the like, along with developing a routine of life.

My best to Hardpull. I do believe his/her reaching out to the group is a very positive step forward.

Jude

I work (for my senior field placement, psychology major) at a community clubhouse for the mentally ill. Since I love biking, I find myself talking about it with people a lot; I figure if someone decides to take it up it could make a major change in their life. Of course, a lot of these people have physical problems as well - a lot of their meds cause serious weight gain; I don't know if biking a lot would help that or not but it sure would be an obstacle to getting started.

I do hear all over the place that exercise is a good way to cope with depression...usually biking gets me in a good mood but I've had some down times that nothing could help other than just waiting. For those...I just wait them out. If it became more serious, I would (hopefully) get professional help. That's still the most important thing.

As for motivating yourself to get on...I have no tips. I suck at motivating myself to do things I don't want to, as any of my professors this year can tell you.

Pat

That is terrible. I can easily understand your having a hard time believing that all other people don't feel that way. For each of us, our life is really all we know and it takes some doing to learn that other people's experiences and perspectives are different.

Also, other people probably do feel the way you feel. It is just that you are being very honest. Most people are afraid of being honest. I believe that my brother might very well feel very much like you do. He has walled himself off from the world and other people. He resists contact. I worry about him. So, I don't have any problem believing that there are other people that feel the way you do.

I have had to work through a fair number of issues in my life. I have been lucky and mine are not as extreme as yours. There have been times for me when life just did not seem worth living. But I have always hung in there and worked out of that place.

I would suggest that you try to find some little thing to give yourself pleasure each day. Try to get a little library of happy memories. I don't know if this will help.

You have a really hard task in front of you. I hope that you find the courage and strength to work your way through it.

moneal

Hi, my sister went through something like your situation. When she was sick, it was in the 70's and there was very little to help, but now I wonder if the mix of alternative medicine and western medicine that we have now would work for you. It sounds like your doctors are on the job, but I wonder if you might be helped with vitamins, etc. If your brain chemistry is affected, then it's going to be tough to will yourself to get on that bike.... so... I've read that fish oil helps with some disorders, so maybe you could go to a herbalist or something? maybe work with your doctor to take some natural supplements along with the meds? I went to an iridologist for the first time last year after getting a sports-related illness. The doctors kicked me to the curb and told me to wait for a specialist... and meanwhile I started taking vitamins reccomended by the iridologist and heh, by the time I got to the specialist, I was in good shape.

I've also been able to improve my own mood by doing yoga. When I can't motivate myself to do it, I go to youtube and search for chair yoga. There's something about yoga and all of that deep breathing that can put you in a different place. don't know if it'll help, but sometimes it pays to experiment.

I wish you luck. Don't give up because there might be something right around the corner that will help.

coldfeet

I have had some depression issues, not anything like yours I'm fairly certain.
It was one reason I knew I had to bike more. But, it was just too easy to take the car, "just today, I'll ride tomorrow"

So, I put myself in the position I had to. I sold the car. Now, its ride, the bike or the bus. ( hate the bus )

Is there a way you can put yourself in the position of having to ride?
No, they don't, but a significant portion can get into that way of thinking. It very hard when in that state to believe that there is a different way of thinking, just over that hill that you can't quite see over.....if you can just get on the bike and ride over it....

PunkMartyr

One of my parents has severe mental illness. Its been very painful at times. My father's father killed himself when my dad was a kid. I have come to believe that my mother was molested by one of my grandmother's many lovers. Both my parents went on to go to college and raise a family despite these painful things. I know this is very hard for you but the truth is everyone in life has serious pain at times. We just have to continue to move forward and try to do more good than harm while we are here before we move on to the next life. I have been better able to cope with some things in my life through excercise, prayer, listening to music, and bike riding. I also tend to devote some time each week and sometimes each day to thinking about my heroes, those being my dad, team Hoyt, Pat Tillman and Johnny Cash to name a few. If you can find that one person who matters to you who has persevered when others would have given up and truly come to terms with what they have done or sacrificed then life becomes easier.

eelriver

I have my moments of depression, as a matter of fact my bikes name is "5150". I ride for the express reason of getting out of my own head. It doesn't have to be far, even around the block or to a coffee shop 1/2 mile away.

Whenever I think that it would be too much of a pain, I remember what a friend texted me; "Bike ride clears the brain". Then I go out and do it.

It does help

998

Nice Buckaroo quote.