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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Old 12-29-19, 07:48 PM
  #13201  
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His has an ingrown toenail. The neighborhood dogs stay away.
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Old 12-30-19, 10:56 AM
  #13202  
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Everyone stays away - he even had to get a PO box because the mail man refused to go back.
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Old 12-30-19, 11:30 AM
  #13203  
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...it's been many years since he got mail that did not come in a plain brown wrapper.
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Old 12-31-19, 09:29 AM
  #13204  
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His mail arrives slowly day by day then disappears completely one day a week. While the 50 gallon container seems a bit large, he’s satisfied with the new combined delivery and pickup though he wishes whomever is sending him coffee grounds, used condoms & eggshells would have the courtesy of wrapping them in a plain brown paper.

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Old 12-31-19, 10:55 AM
  #13205  
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...he's jealous that I haven't needed to buy coffee or condoms in years.
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Old 12-31-19, 01:06 PM
  #13206  
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Ended his bid for the Presidency today and claimed "I would have won..."
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Old 12-31-19, 01:25 PM
  #13207  
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...doesn't understand the electoral college. And appears to not realize the election is still almost a year away.
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Old 12-31-19, 02:31 PM
  #13208  
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Has me confused with someone who cares...
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Old 12-31-19, 04:16 PM
  #13209  
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Is confused about everything.
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Old 12-31-19, 04:22 PM
  #13210  
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...he's on my list to get a condom full of coffee grounds.
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Old 12-31-19, 05:26 PM
  #13211  
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Reads coffee grounds in condoms like some read tea leaves.
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Old 12-31-19, 05:34 PM
  #13212  
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Thinks living in a condominium will get him safe sex...
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Old 12-31-19, 06:24 PM
  #13213  
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Carefully put his deposits in the safety deposit box knowing full well the bank vault is impenetrable and he’s really into safe sex.
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Old 12-31-19, 06:36 PM
  #13214  
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I got his psychoanalyst drunk last night and before she passed out she told me he has this phobia of clean underwear. "Scares the poop out of him!"
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Old 12-31-19, 08:57 PM
  #13215  
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After his 3rd try at “she told me he”, he switched sides and never looked back.
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Old 12-31-19, 09:51 PM
  #13216  
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...will realize tomorrow morning that he is completely out of coffee and will be wishing he had kept some of those used coffee grounds to re-brew one more time.
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Old 12-31-19, 11:46 PM
  #13217  
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His only New Year's resolution is to live all of 2020 in the ah, huh, third person plural, uh, present accusative imperative.
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Old 01-01-20, 08:56 AM
  #13218  
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After his behavior last night it looks like his copy of "The Big Book of Apologies For All Occasions" will get some use this morning.
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Old 01-01-20, 02:52 PM
  #13219  
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Still has leftover lies from last year.
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Old 01-01-20, 08:30 PM
  #13220  
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Pays 5 cents for each UPC tagged lie as long as it was sold in Illinois and has been washed, rinsed, and air dried.

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Old 01-01-20, 08:46 PM
  #13221  
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Could get a DIME in Michigan and Oregon.
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Old 01-01-20, 09:20 PM
  #13222  
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Thinks lies in Oregon are worth 10 cents and that he could buy this entire thread for a month’s rent.
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Old 01-01-20, 09:28 PM
  #13223  
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...ever since pot went legal there in 2012, all his lies have the faint odor of bongwater.
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Old 01-01-20, 11:37 PM
  #13224  
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Has wanted cherry flavored bongwater for a long time, but Coca-Cola won't make it.
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Old 01-02-20, 02:07 PM
  #13225  
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...New Year's Eve celebrations found him at the Coconut Tiki Bar and Karaoke Lounge, dressed up like one of the Four Seasons. singing alto harmony on "Sherry Baby".
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