Jseis 

Has a pornographic goiter that gave him the nickname “Two Heads”.

3alarmer

.
...started a cult based on the belief that the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. It provides a good living.

ahsposo 

Little known @3alarmer fact: He won the Nobel Prize in Economics in 1937 for proving that the myth of rain falling mainly on the Spanish plain was responsible for the Great Depression.

(Yes, he's that old)

3alarmer

.
...his career as a young, hip social media influencer peaked when he invented the use of "wut ?" instead of "what ?" in humorous texts messages and postings on cool, fashionable internet web sites like teh Biekforooms.

3alarmer

...never thought he would live long enough to burn through that Nobel prize money from '37. He's now considering a new gig as a social media influencer.

ahsposo 

He's a social under the influencer.

no motor?

Puts the a in asocial.

3alarmer

.
...once publicly accused Bernie Madoff of being a socialist.

ahsposo 

Thinks capitalism means not using lower case letters...

3alarmer

.
...when he was in third grade, he amazed all his teachers and classmates by memorizing and repeating all the US state capital cities in alphabetical order. It took him over a year to memorize them all, but to this day he feels it was his greatest accomplishment in life.

Jseis 

Confessed at Feeling Anonymous that he frequently gets “in touch with himself”.

ahsposo 

Puts his underwear on one Depends™ at a time.

3alarmer

.
...doesn't wear underwear. He feels like it just slows you down.

Rollfast

Stunt double in Boogie Nights but fired when the studio found him stealing the lotion from union members.+

ahsposo 

Will tell anybody who'll listen "I don't need no lotion because I has the motion!"

3alarmer

...is the original writer of the song "I second that emotion." There was a long and expensive legal action initiated against Smokey Robinson and his music publishing company to recover damages, but he eventually ran out of financial resources and had to let it go. Curiously enough, he is also the guy who originally wrote "Let it be."

ahsposo 

Began his illustrious music career playing the horn of dilemma...

no motor?

Had a cigar but still has to ask which one is pink.

ahsposo 

Spent a wasted youth confused by the double negatives in the line "I can't get no satisfaction" even though he tried, and he tried and he tried to understand them.

3alarmer

...he recently came upon the term "corn smut", and has been doing sporadic Google searches for Iowa themed porn for the last three weeks. Can't quite get that Michelle Bachmann corn dog photo out of his mind.

Rollfast

Knows to search for monster trucks, because Google ain't perfect.

ahsposo 

Named his new pickup truck Gamera because it's big, stupid and slow and it's made in Japan.

Rollfast

If you guys keep it up in P&R I'll never be lonely here.

3alarmer

.
...thinks there is someone in the P+R who can still keep it up.

ahsposo 

Is P&R's resident fluffer...