Coping with injuries and setbacks, how do you do it?
10-13-15, 02:05 PM
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Coping with injuries and setbacks, how do you do it?
What's up 41?
I haven't posted in a while because I've had a lot of setbacks fitness wise and it's starting to affect my mental health. I'm male, 22 and a grad student and last summer I finally learned how to ride a bike. Ironically, both my father and older brother have been amateur racers for decades years but for complicated reasons I never learned to ride as a child. I used to a super clyde (BMI was damn near 40 at one point) but a couple years ago I developed a fitness obsession and lost a ~100 pounds hitting the gym and running; since then fitness/outdoor activities has always been an important part of my life. When I learned to ride a bike last summer it was love at first ride and I quickly accumulated some serious mileage in part due to my previous cardiovascular conditioning as a runner.
The past couple of months have been exceptionally challenging for me as I had a very demanding summer internship that left little time for long summer rides, so I switched back to running due to the fact that I can get a good workout in a fraction of the time it would take while cycling. Unfortunately, having not ran for a long time (I prefer riding) my form was really bad and I repeatedly pick up niggling injuries in my hamstring and metatarsals. I made the classic runners mistake of trying to do too much too soon, assuming I could just naturally pick up the mileage after an extended break from the sport. To make matters worse, I was briefly hospitalized towards the end of the summer for an unrelated illness, and the recovery also interrupted my training regimen. Finally, summer ended and I took my earnings from the internship (as well as some cash from selling a couple of my organs) and got the vector 2S power meter in addition to Hunter Allen's book. I was determined to rebuild my fitness and up my game for next season--only to break my leg a less than a month later while skateboarding. I'm 3 weeks into a 6-8 weeks recovery and lying in bed all day, not being outdoors and doing what I love is absolutely driving me crazy. I've gained a lot of weight due to emotional/boredom eating and I can't stop thinking about how much my fitness is deteriorating given how much work I did during last winter/spring dropping a lot of pounds and "base training" dreaming of finally doing a century during the summer. I feel like a wreck and I'd really love your input on coping strategies to help me get through the recovery. I really hate not being on the bike and the sight of it as well as my unused power meter is almost enough to bring me to tears.
I haven't posted in a while because I've had a lot of setbacks fitness wise and it's starting to affect my mental health. I'm male, 22 and a grad student and last summer I finally learned how to ride a bike. Ironically, both my father and older brother have been amateur racers for decades years but for complicated reasons I never learned to ride as a child. I used to a super clyde (BMI was damn near 40 at one point) but a couple years ago I developed a fitness obsession and lost a ~100 pounds hitting the gym and running; since then fitness/outdoor activities has always been an important part of my life. When I learned to ride a bike last summer it was love at first ride and I quickly accumulated some serious mileage in part due to my previous cardiovascular conditioning as a runner.
The past couple of months have been exceptionally challenging for me as I had a very demanding summer internship that left little time for long summer rides, so I switched back to running due to the fact that I can get a good workout in a fraction of the time it would take while cycling. Unfortunately, having not ran for a long time (I prefer riding) my form was really bad and I repeatedly pick up niggling injuries in my hamstring and metatarsals. I made the classic runners mistake of trying to do too much too soon, assuming I could just naturally pick up the mileage after an extended break from the sport. To make matters worse, I was briefly hospitalized towards the end of the summer for an unrelated illness, and the recovery also interrupted my training regimen. Finally, summer ended and I took my earnings from the internship (as well as some cash from selling a couple of my organs) and got the vector 2S power meter in addition to Hunter Allen's book. I was determined to rebuild my fitness and up my game for next season--only to break my leg a less than a month later while skateboarding. I'm 3 weeks into a 6-8 weeks recovery and lying in bed all day, not being outdoors and doing what I love is absolutely driving me crazy. I've gained a lot of weight due to emotional/boredom eating and I can't stop thinking about how much my fitness is deteriorating given how much work I did during last winter/spring dropping a lot of pounds and "base training" dreaming of finally doing a century during the summer. I feel like a wreck and I'd really love your input on coping strategies to help me get through the recovery. I really hate not being on the bike and the sight of it as well as my unused power meter is almost enough to bring me to tears.
10-13-15, 02:21 PM
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I was in a similar position. My fitness was improving after a long hiatus from the bike, and I was hit by a truck on a morning training ride. Trip to the ER, broken collar bone and several other injuries led to nearly 2 months off the bike. When I left the hospital I talked about giving up the road bike, but 3 days later I was itching to get back out. It ate me up every day for 2 months because I could feel all my work fading away. I tried to control my weight with diet, but still gained about 10 lbs. I lost out on my entire summer of training outdoors when it's light in the morning.
I coped by doing research and developing my plan of return. I knew my return would be restricted to an indoor trainer, so I bought a smart trainer to help give a little motivation and variation to my indoor workouts. I overloaded on TdF videos and GCN on YouTube. Generally obsessed over cycling. When I was cleared to get on the bike, I started small to learn where my body was. Above all, I listened to the advice of my doctor.
It's been 2 months since I got clearance to get back on the bike and my legs are stronger than before the accident because of a better thought-out training plan. You have lots of time to think, so develop some goals, and how you're going to get there. Then, when you can get back on the bike all you have to do is apply what you've developed.
I coped by doing research and developing my plan of return. I knew my return would be restricted to an indoor trainer, so I bought a smart trainer to help give a little motivation and variation to my indoor workouts. I overloaded on TdF videos and GCN on YouTube. Generally obsessed over cycling. When I was cleared to get on the bike, I started small to learn where my body was. Above all, I listened to the advice of my doctor.
It's been 2 months since I got clearance to get back on the bike and my legs are stronger than before the accident because of a better thought-out training plan. You have lots of time to think, so develop some goals, and how you're going to get there. Then, when you can get back on the bike all you have to do is apply what you've developed.
10-13-15, 03:03 PM
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Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile with a very condensed training program while practicing as a junior doctor so don't let things get you down. You're still very young at 22.
10-13-15, 04:25 PM
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Sounds like you need to give up running and skateboarding. Those are dangerous activities. 
Good luck on getting back on the bike for your fitness.
GH
Good luck on getting back on the bike for your fitness.
GH
10-13-15, 05:33 PM
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Coping with injuries and setbacks, how do you do it?
@yankeefan, I've read, and replied to some of your posts in the past, signing myself as bostonredsoxfan, so I have no substantial reason to doubt your story, and I read it with an open mind.
I have been cycle commuting, road riding and cycle-touring since about 1972...truly a lifestyle. I was hit by a car in June 2012, and was hospitalized for six weeks, off work for three months, and off the bike for five months, during one of the best cycling summers ever. I was torn from my cycling lifestyle, as well as other activities, like work, family life, and hobbies.
I just had to be patient and take time to heal, which was itself a consuming task. One-by-one I resumed the various activities, cycling being the last. Going back to work certainly hastened the process, especially since cycle-commuting was a viable activity, as part of work. I am more enthusiastic about riding than ever, and may even be a better rider now too.
During that summer I kept up with Bike Forums, and got a lot of support from various subscribers, some with whom I had corresponded on or off the Board. I had had so much cycling experience over the years, that I always found topics to chat about.
BTW, this was one of my hospital experiences that gave me hope for the future:
I have been cycle commuting, road riding and cycle-touring since about 1972...truly a lifestyle. I was hit by a car in June 2012, and was hospitalized for six weeks, off work for three months, and off the bike for five months, during one of the best cycling summers ever. I was torn from my cycling lifestyle, as well as other activities, like work, family life, and hobbies.
I just had to be patient and take time to heal, which was itself a consuming task. One-by-one I resumed the various activities, cycling being the last. Going back to work certainly hastened the process, especially since cycle-commuting was a viable activity, as part of work. I am more enthusiastic about riding than ever, and may even be a better rider now too.
During that summer I kept up with Bike Forums, and got a lot of support from various subscribers, some with whom I had corresponded on or off the Board. I had had so much cycling experience over the years, that I always found topics to chat about.
BTW, this was one of my hospital experiences that gave me hope for the future:
…You pointedly asked for an inspirational story. I myself suffered the trauma of a rear end collision on my bike. I was in an acute care hospital for about two weeks, rehab hospital about four weeks, off work for three months and off the bike for five. But don’t cry for me. Argentina. Here’s a rehab story I learned of, almost as a mystical experience. It's also about trauma, but IMO holds out the hope of healing when things seem bleak.
When I was about two weeks into my hospital stay, I was watching an un-named, circa early 1950's black-and-white movie with the sound off because my roomate was asleep. It seemed to be a romance, with Glenn Ford and Anne Baxter. A scene came on where they were driving in a car and had a sudden collision, and Glenn threw himself in front of Anne. He awoke in a hospital bed, and she was OK.
The following scenes showed him gradually recovering, as he tried to get out of bed with a trapeze bar, then walk with a cane. Soon, he strangely, and surreptiouously from Anne Baxter, slipped away to a golf course and tried to hit some balls. She was obviously mad at him when he got back (all this still with the sound off.) Then there appeared on screen a newspaper headline that Ben Hogan was going to participate in an upcoming major golf tournament.
It turns out that the movie was “Follow the Sun,” a 1951 biopic of Ben Hogan. I looked him up on Wikipedia, especially about the accident and found this:
This episode gave me a first glimmer of hope that I would be on the bike again…
When I was about two weeks into my hospital stay, I was watching an un-named, circa early 1950's black-and-white movie with the sound off because my roomate was asleep. It seemed to be a romance, with Glenn Ford and Anne Baxter. A scene came on where they were driving in a car and had a sudden collision, and Glenn threw himself in front of Anne. He awoke in a hospital bed, and she was OK.
The following scenes showed him gradually recovering, as he tried to get out of bed with a trapeze bar, then walk with a cane. Soon, he strangely, and surreptiouously from Anne Baxter, slipped away to a golf course and tried to hit some balls. She was obviously mad at him when he got back (all this still with the sound off.) Then there appeared on screen a newspaper headline that Ben Hogan was going to participate in an upcoming major golf tournament.
It turns out that the movie was “Follow the Sun,” a 1951 biopic of Ben Hogan. I looked him up on Wikipedia, especially about the accident and found this:
Originally Posted by Wikipedia
Hogan and his wife, Valerie, survived a head-on collision with a Greyhound bus on a fog-shrouded bridge, early in the morning, east of Van Horn, Texas on February 2, 1949. Hogan threw himself across Valerie in order to protect her, and would have been killed had he not done so, as the steering column punctured the driver's seat.
This accident left Hogan, age 36, with a double-fracture of the pelvis, (I had a fracture of the sacrum) a fractured collar bone, a left ankle fracture, a chipped rib, and near-fatal blood clots: he would suffer lifelong circulation problems and other physical limitations. His doctors said he might never walk again, let alone play golf competitively. While in hospital, Hogan's life was endangered by a blood clot problem, leading doctors to tie off the vena cava. Hogan left the hospital on April 1, 59 days after the accident.
After regaining his strength by extensive walking, he resumed golf activities in November 1949. He returned to the PGA Tour to start the 1950 season, at the Los Angeles Open, where he tied with Sam Snead over 72 holes, but lost the 18-hole playoff.”
This accident left Hogan, age 36, with a double-fracture of the pelvis, (I had a fracture of the sacrum) a fractured collar bone, a left ankle fracture, a chipped rib, and near-fatal blood clots: he would suffer lifelong circulation problems and other physical limitations. His doctors said he might never walk again, let alone play golf competitively. While in hospital, Hogan's life was endangered by a blood clot problem, leading doctors to tie off the vena cava. Hogan left the hospital on April 1, 59 days after the accident.
After regaining his strength by extensive walking, he resumed golf activities in November 1949. He returned to the PGA Tour to start the 1950 season, at the Los Angeles Open, where he tied with Sam Snead over 72 holes, but lost the 18-hole playoff.”
10-13-15, 07:14 PM
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I broke my leg skateboarding when I was a lad. It was tough watching my friends learn new tricks! Your break may be worse than mine was; got pretty good using the crutches. Good news! You're young! Before you know it you will have healed and forgotten all this! Seems like forever now but when you are a jaded 30 year old...
10-13-15, 08:11 PM
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I'm ... 22
... only to break my leg a less than a month later while skateboarding. I'm 3 weeks into a 6-8 weeks recovery and lying in bed all day, not being outdoors and doing what I love is absolutely driving me crazy. I've gained a lot of weight due to emotional/boredom eating and I can't stop thinking about how much my fitness is deteriorating given how much work I did during last winter/spring dropping a lot of pounds and "base training" dreaming of finally doing a century during the summer.
... only to break my leg a less than a month later while skateboarding. I'm 3 weeks into a 6-8 weeks recovery and lying in bed all day, not being outdoors and doing what I love is absolutely driving me crazy. I've gained a lot of weight due to emotional/boredom eating and I can't stop thinking about how much my fitness is deteriorating given how much work I did during last winter/spring dropping a lot of pounds and "base training" dreaming of finally doing a century during the summer.
2) You broke a leg. You didn't break your arms too, did you? Why aren't you doing upper body and core work?
3) Stop eating so much.
4) Get busy doing something else. Learn how to play the guitar, read, design software, write a book ...
This is where your youngness is showing through. Those of us who are older have a list a mile long of things we would like to do if we only had time to do them. But we're too busy rushing around and doing everything else, and sometimes it takes an injury or illness to slow us down enough to do those thing we would like to do if we only had time to do them.
Back in 2001, after a great first season of randonneuring, I burnt my left foot to the bone. I could not move for 5 weeks. Standing up caused the blood to pool in that foot because the artery/vein system was cooked, and was agonisingly painful. Even doing upper body weights increased my blood flow a bit and caused blood to pool painfully in that foot. So for 5 weeks I laid in bed until I absolutely had to get up ... then I'd hobble out to my chair in the living room and elevate that foot. There I would stay until I returned to bed in the evening.
Now for me, eating too much wasn't an issue. I couldn't stand up long enough to make myself anything to eat. My homecare nurse would come once a day to change my dressings, and she would bring me something small from the kitchen. And I would have visitors once in a while who would bring me something to eat. I didn't gain any weight.
One of the main things I did was work. My boss brought me work on CDs.
5 weeks later I was back at work again. 3.5 months after the accident I was back on a bicycle again, still with a bandaged foot. Burns take a long, long time to heal. And 5 months after the accident I was riding my first 200K randonnee of the season. I had one of my best seasons that year.
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10-13-15, 09:28 PM
#9
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Broke pelvis, heel, and ribs last year at peak fitness. 2 months off bike, could barely turn 50 watts for 20 minutes when I came back.
Got really good at Battlefield 4.
Took a year to get full fitness back. Be patient.
Got really good at Battlefield 4.
Took a year to get full fitness back. Be patient.
10-14-15, 05:15 AM
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Just know you will recover. Trust me I've done it and I'm doing it.
Focus on your upper body. Get a table top hand bike and tension it high to use for arm strength and cardiovascular.
Focus on your upper body. Get a table top hand bike and tension it high to use for arm strength and cardiovascular.
10-14-15, 08:50 AM
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I was in a similar position. My fitness was improving after a long hiatus from the bike, and I was hit by a truck on a morning training ride. Trip to the ER, broken collar bone and several other injuries led to nearly 2 months off the bike. When I left the hospital I talked about giving up the road bike, but 3 days later I was itching to get back out. It ate me up every day for 2 months because I could feel all my work fading away. I tried to control my weight with diet, but still gained about 10 lbs. I lost out on my entire summer of training outdoors when it's light in the morning.
I coped by doing research and developing my plan of return. I knew my return would be restricted to an indoor trainer, so I bought a smart trainer to help give a little motivation and variation to my indoor workouts. I overloaded on TdF videos and GCN on YouTube. Generally obsessed over cycling. When I was cleared to get on the bike, I started small to learn where my body was. Above all, I listened to the advice of my doctor.
It's been 2 months since I got clearance to get back on the bike and my legs are stronger than before the accident because of a better thought-out training plan. You have lots of time to think, so develop some goals, and how you're going to get there. Then, when you can get back on the bike all you have to do is apply what you've developed.
I coped by doing research and developing my plan of return. I knew my return would be restricted to an indoor trainer, so I bought a smart trainer to help give a little motivation and variation to my indoor workouts. I overloaded on TdF videos and GCN on YouTube. Generally obsessed over cycling. When I was cleared to get on the bike, I started small to learn where my body was. Above all, I listened to the advice of my doctor.
It's been 2 months since I got clearance to get back on the bike and my legs are stronger than before the accident because of a better thought-out training plan. You have lots of time to think, so develop some goals, and how you're going to get there. Then, when you can get back on the bike all you have to do is apply what you've developed.
Hey Jim, yeah I can never forget your trademark style of nested quotes. Thanks for sharing that, it was helpful. I guess patience is key to the recovery process, I just never had to deal with such an extended recovery. I'll try to remain hopeful.
Last edited by yankeefan; 10-14-15 at 08:57 AM.
10-14-15, 08:51 AM
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10-14-15, 09:12 AM
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1) You are very young. A month from now you'll be back into cycling. 6 months from now this will be a distant memory.
2) You broke a leg. You didn't break your arms too, did you? Why aren't you doing upper body and core work?
3) Stop eating so much.
4) Get busy doing something else. Learn how to play the guitar, read, design software, write a book ...
This is where your youngness is showing through. Those of us who are older have a list a mile long of things we would like to do if we only had time to do them. But we're too busy rushing around and doing everything else, and sometimes it takes an injury or illness to slow us down enough to do those thing we would like to do if we only had time to do them.
Back in 2001, after a great first season of randonneuring, I burnt my left foot to the bone. I could not move for 5 weeks. Standing up caused the blood to pool in that foot because the artery/vein system was cooked, and was agonisingly painful. Even doing upper body weights increased my blood flow a bit and caused blood to pool painfully in that foot. So for 5 weeks I laid in bed until I absolutely had to get up ... then I'd hobble out to my chair in the living room and elevate that foot. There I would stay until I returned to bed in the evening.
Now for me, eating too much wasn't an issue. I couldn't stand up long enough to make myself anything to eat. My homecare nurse would come once a day to change my dressings, and she would bring me something small from the kitchen. And I would have visitors once in a while who would bring me something to eat. I didn't gain any weight.
One of the main things I did was work. My boss brought me work on CDs.
5 weeks later I was back at work again. 3.5 months after the accident I was back on a bicycle again, still with a bandaged foot. Burns take a long, long time to heal. And 5 months after the accident I was riding my first 200K randonnee of the season. I had one of my best seasons that year.
2) You broke a leg. You didn't break your arms too, did you? Why aren't you doing upper body and core work?
3) Stop eating so much.
4) Get busy doing something else. Learn how to play the guitar, read, design software, write a book ...
This is where your youngness is showing through. Those of us who are older have a list a mile long of things we would like to do if we only had time to do them. But we're too busy rushing around and doing everything else, and sometimes it takes an injury or illness to slow us down enough to do those thing we would like to do if we only had time to do them.
Back in 2001, after a great first season of randonneuring, I burnt my left foot to the bone. I could not move for 5 weeks. Standing up caused the blood to pool in that foot because the artery/vein system was cooked, and was agonisingly painful. Even doing upper body weights increased my blood flow a bit and caused blood to pool painfully in that foot. So for 5 weeks I laid in bed until I absolutely had to get up ... then I'd hobble out to my chair in the living room and elevate that foot. There I would stay until I returned to bed in the evening.
Now for me, eating too much wasn't an issue. I couldn't stand up long enough to make myself anything to eat. My homecare nurse would come once a day to change my dressings, and she would bring me something small from the kitchen. And I would have visitors once in a while who would bring me something to eat. I didn't gain any weight.
One of the main things I did was work. My boss brought me work on CDs.
5 weeks later I was back at work again. 3.5 months after the accident I was back on a bicycle again, still with a bandaged foot. Burns take a long, long time to heal. And 5 months after the accident I was riding my first 200K randonnee of the season. I had one of my best seasons that year.
I don't have access to any fitness equipment at my apt apart from my stationary trainer, and I'm not aware of any upper body calisthenics that won't require me to stabilize my body through using my leg. If you're aware of any please do let me know.
Thanks for your response. My leg break certainly isn't as horrific as your burn, and I'm glad to hear you were able to make a strong comeback. I'll keep this in mind that my injury could have been a lot worse.
10-14-15, 09:14 AM
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I was active when you were initially injured and someone started the thread in the commuter subforum. I certainly feel like a crybaby compared to what you are going through. Just seeing your name reminds me how fortunate I am. Thanks for the response
10-14-15, 09:18 AM
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Haha, I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh. I'm not much of a gamer so I don't own any game consoles or even a PC (Linux geek). I have gotten pretty good in several programming languages that was otherwise quite mediocre at, but I just really miss the outdoor. I'm starting to get it now, patience.
10-14-15, 09:32 AM
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Haha, I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh. I'm not much of a gamer so I don't own any game consoles or even a PC (Linux geek). I have gotten pretty good in several programming languages that was otherwise quite mediocre at, but I just really miss the outdoor. I'm starting to get it now, patience.
10-14-15, 10:06 AM
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You can't even use crutches to move around?
In any case, I hope you recover fast. Seeing that you have a new PM and are thinking out a good training plan, you will probably get stronger faster than before the accident.
In any case, I hope you recover fast. Seeing that you have a new PM and are thinking out a good training plan, you will probably get stronger faster than before the accident.
10-14-15, 10:11 AM
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10-14-15, 10:19 AM
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10-14-15, 10:45 AM
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I take him home and wait at my friends house for him to come with a truck. He shows up with a pickup truck with aluminum loading ramps just barely strong enough for a small lawnmower. I am in front close to the truck with my right foot under the ramp. We all push the bike up to the tailgate and the ramp breaks and one side of the U shaped ramps crunches my
big toe. Another friend takes me to the hospital, an I get a "walking" cast with a heel on it. A few weeks later I need a part for my motorcycle so I go to a shop 25-30 miles away.
I'm sure you can imagine that going into a Motorcycle shop with a cast on, you have to tell what happened. It's funny, but not super funny. The guy at the counter tells everyone in the back to come out to hear my story. These guys are all totally cracking up.....????,
Finally I ask what's so funny.
The last customer there before me was the guy buying a clutch cable for his Moto Guzzi. He just told his story.
10-14-15, 04:09 PM
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When you get better, get some weights.
Meanwhile, get a couple cans of beans out of the cupboard and start doing tricep raises and dumbbell curls with them. Look up military press (dumbbell). You can do those thing seated. In fact, do a google search for seated upper body workout.
Or do you get your milk in jugs with handles? Finish the milk, wash the jug, fill it with water to a suitable level, and use that instead of the cans of beans.
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Rowan
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Rowan
My fave photo threads on BF
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Machka's Website
Photo Gallery
10-14-15, 04:29 PM
#22
Full Member
I feel your pain. Last year I needed a new fitness watch so I traded a spleen and one testicle for it.
10-14-15, 09:10 PM
#23
Farmer tan
I rode my wheelchair around the 3 mile local training loop to try to keep some fitness. That sucked.
10-14-15, 10:53 PM
#24
Old Fart
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Bumpkinsville
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Time to grow-up.
Do what you HAVE TO DO first.
When it comes to hobbies/recreation/exercise...do what you CAN DO and what makes you feel good.
If you can't do something at the moment....don't do it. Do something else;take a rest, etc.
If you can do all the vital things...consider yourself lucky. Lots of people can't.
when it comes to the other things, put them in perspective. They're not essential; not all that important. There are many ways to spend free time.
Getting it in your mind that you HAVE to do a certain amount of miles or a certain amount of time, etc. often does more to ruin enjoyment of both the activity in question, and even non-related areas of your life. Being fanatical about hobbies/recreation, tends to take the fun out of them. When it comes to such things, do what you can, when and if you can. They are not the essence of life. They should be causing you to have fun and enjoyment...but you are letting them cause you anxiety. That shouldn't be.
I couldn't ride for two months, recently. I didn't stress about it- The time off was a nice change- and I did a lot of walking, instead- and really ended up enjoying myself.
Do what you HAVE TO DO first.
When it comes to hobbies/recreation/exercise...do what you CAN DO and what makes you feel good.
If you can't do something at the moment....don't do it. Do something else;take a rest, etc.
If you can do all the vital things...consider yourself lucky. Lots of people can't.
when it comes to the other things, put them in perspective. They're not essential; not all that important. There are many ways to spend free time.
Getting it in your mind that you HAVE to do a certain amount of miles or a certain amount of time, etc. often does more to ruin enjoyment of both the activity in question, and even non-related areas of your life. Being fanatical about hobbies/recreation, tends to take the fun out of them. When it comes to such things, do what you can, when and if you can. They are not the essence of life. They should be causing you to have fun and enjoyment...but you are letting them cause you anxiety. That shouldn't be.
I couldn't ride for two months, recently. I didn't stress about it- The time off was a nice change- and I did a lot of walking, instead- and really ended up enjoying myself.
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