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Busted! N+1 discovered by wife...how to placate?

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Busted! N+1 discovered by wife...how to placate?

Old 04-19-17, 06:13 PM
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johngwheeler
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Busted! N+1 discovered by wife...how to placate?

I was bitten by the cycling bug a few months ago, and after setting up my first bike (Trek Crossrip) as a commuter with rack & panniers, I started to wonder whether I should get a second sportier bike "just for fun".

I knew my better half would pour cold water over that idea immediately, so I bought my N+1 clandestinely, and kept it hidden in my (usefully full) garage.

This morning I thought...hey, I should try my new bike for my commute...maybe I could get there faster?

Unfortunately I forgot my water bottle and as I opened the door to fetch it, she-who-must-be-obeyed spotted the new bike. If it had been the same colour as the other bike, I might have gotten away with it, but the bright orange frame was a dead giveaway, and I was royally busted.

She was not best amused, and my feeble excuse about saving $15 a day in transport costs fell on deaf ears...after all, I already had a bike, so why did I need a second one? I got the door closed on me with complaints of me spending our money on unnecessary toys (although I found it pretty easy to justify the cost...must be a boy thing).

I have a few other "equipment oriented" hobbies (astronomy, target shooting, computers) that tend to lead to the acquisition of several versions of the primary gear. I have tried to explain that all of my telescopes, rifles and computers have different purposes, and that bikes are just the same. You wound't ride a rock-garden on a Pinarello race bike now, would you?

So....can anyone recommend ways to win over a non-cycling partner to the benefits of more bikes?

At least I found out that N = 2 is probably going to be my limit unless I want to risk S=1 :-(
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Old 04-19-17, 06:26 PM
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New vacuum cleaner for her.
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Old 04-19-17, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by tyrion View Post
New vacuum cleaner for her.
Trying to get him killed?
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Old 04-19-17, 06:29 PM
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Might try apologizing..... or jewelry?
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Old 04-19-17, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by tyrion View Post
New vacuum cleaner for her.
Are we trying to get him in more trouble???

After begrudgingly letting me plan a bike trip to Iceland without her, I took mine on a vacation to New Orleans to make up for it. Maybe suggest a trip somewhere she has always wanted to go?
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Old 04-19-17, 06:31 PM
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Vacuum cleaner? Maybe, a divorce would solve the immediate problem but not without long term consequences. What's her vice?
Over feed it.
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Old 04-19-17, 06:32 PM
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"Honey, I talked about how you reacted to this on the Bike Forum and they said... Honey?... Honey?"
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Old 04-19-17, 06:47 PM
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I live by the adage "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission".

Vacuum cleaner... How 1950's.
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Old 04-19-17, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Kindaslow View Post
Might try apologizing..... or jewelry?
Wine. Lots of Vino.
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Old 04-19-17, 06:53 PM
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Jewelry and shoes.
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Old 04-19-17, 06:53 PM
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Happens to me all the time with other items. I race home to get the mail and packages all the time.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:00 PM
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Originally Posted by BlazingPedals View Post
Jewelry and shoes.
Nah... get her a new car.



And maybe she'll let you drive it
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Old 04-19-17, 07:06 PM
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A resolution to stop lying to and hiding things from your wife is my suggestion.

OP has a fundamental problem in his relationship with his wife. It really isn't funny and I almost hope his wife sees this thread.


-Tim-
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Old 04-19-17, 07:10 PM
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You do know why divorce is so expensive, right.....?
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Old 04-19-17, 07:12 PM
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In all seriousness, as much as I ever have, it is better to work through these things than to deceive, if you want good long term results.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:13 PM
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Originally Posted by BlazingPedals View Post
Jewelry and shoes.
Hmm, maybe I could use her shoe and clothing collection as suitable counter-guilt argument....

I'm thinking buying some nice jewellery and saying "..and my bike cost *way* less than this" might not have the desired effect.

I see it more as how we place value on material purchases versus other expenses. We've just spend $5000 flying out my family to my nephew's wedding (including wedding gifts)...all this for a 4 day trip, and twice what I paid for a bike that will last me years. I don't see the problem with the equation personally...I don't begrudge the cost of vacations and "experiences", but in many ways a bike is a cheap investment in health and transport cost savings, and they keep some resale value so is hardly a frippery.

John.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:13 PM
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Originally Posted by TimothyH View Post
A resolution to stop lying to and hiding things from your wife is my suggestion.

OP has a fundamental problem in his relationship with his wife. It really isn't funny and I almost hope his wife sees this thread.


-Tim-
Tim, what did the head of that nail ever do to you? Srsly though, spot on.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:27 PM
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Get her a better bike, and she will see how selfless you are.

Or else tell her the bike belongs to your mistress.

Oh, and congratulations on the new purchase! Spouses come and go. Bicycles accumulate.

Last edited by wgscott; 04-19-17 at 07:32 PM.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:29 PM
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Although my wife has a PhD (immunology/virology) from one of the best institutions in the UK, for some reason she doesn't fully grasp the distinction between tires (tyres) and wheels.

I ruthlessly exploited this to get a second wheelset.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by johngwheeler View Post
a non-cycling partner
Once, when a grad student, I was talking to someone (a serious Dead-Head), on my way to see the Grateful Dead (which I occasionally did, to remind myself of the importance of trying to do something productive with my life). I mentioned my girlfriend (at the time) did not like the Dead.

He looked at me for a minute with the most incredulous look I have ever seen a dippy hippie muster, and then asked me "Why are you going out with her?"

Just an allegory.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by TimothyH View Post
A resolution to stop lying to and hiding things from your wife is my suggestion.

OP has a fundamental problem in his relationship with his wife. It really isn't funny and I almost hope his wife sees this thread. -Tim-
Thanks.

I was going to say this same sort of thing.

I cannot always get everything I want ... but I am part of a partnership, and by being honest and open I get things a lot more important than another bicycle.

And since I can talk to my wife ... when I Really want a new bike I can talk it over with her. It has worked so far---I have a marriage which keeps getting better---and five bikes.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Maelochs View Post
Thanks.

I was going to say this same sort of thing.

I cannot always get everything I want ... but I am part of a partnership, and by being honest and open I get things a lot more important than another bicycle.

And since I can talk to my wife ... when I Really want a new bike I can talk it over with her. It has worked so far---I have a marriage which keeps getting better---and five bikes.
In fairness....with tax day just recently come and gone, it is an easy time of year to bust a gasket over anything relating to large money expenditures.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by TimothyH View Post
A resolution to stop lying to and hiding things from your wife is my suggestion. -Tim-
That would be my thought as well.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:47 PM
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I guess this went away from being lighthearted in a hurry, if the post was actually written as I originally took it. If it was not meant as a tongue in cheek, joking type post, I agree with the others who took it a bit more seriously saying it wasn't smart to begin with.

Originally Posted by Marcus_Ti View Post
In fairness....with tax day just recently come and gone, it is an easy time of year to bust a gasket over anything relating to large money expenditures.
All depends on your tax situation. Zero exemptions on my W2 means a nice splurge for me personally. That said, I've always had my taxes done the week after having all the paperwork, so that splurge was back in February.
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Old 04-19-17, 07:54 PM
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Originally Posted by TimothyH View Post
A resolution to stop lying to and hiding things from your wife is my suggestion.

OP has a fundamental problem in his relationship with his wife. It really isn't funny and I almost hope his wife sees this thread.


-Tim-
Originally Posted by Kindaslow View Post
In all seriousness, as much as I ever have, it is better to work through these things than to deceive, if you want good long term results.
Yes, you are of course both right that deception (or at least a lack of openness) is not a good thing in a relationship, but I find my wife's lack of support for my passions to be a bit of a downer, frankly. I am happy to support to her interests, be they travel, gardening (which I am not very interested in) and have no issue at all with the amount of fashion items she buys.

The risk of being completely open with all purchases is if your partner is just dead against it for no other reason than they don't see it as necessary - then one will just resent the veto, and will regret having asked for permission. I should add that we both work, have good salaries, and I buy my stuff with my own earnings, not some joint savings account or remortgaging the house.

My attitude is "is you want it, and we're not breaking the bank", then go for it. Life is short, and unnecessarily denying yourself pleasures doesn't win you any prizes when your race is run.

But on the other hand maybe just being completely open would avoid the bad feeling that hiding new toys seems to cause when they are inevitably discovered. If I'd said "I want to buy another bike for exercise, and keep the other for commuting", then at least I could put forward my arguments in advance, as opposed to having to defend my decisions after the fact.

So I guess I'll just have to say sorry and make some act of contrition.

Who would have thought that bikeforums.net also has a relationship-guidance forum too :-)

John
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