I'm Determined to Get Them to Say, "Hello!"
#51
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Some guy on a bicycle stalking high school students just so he can force them to say hello or hi ??....
Last edited by cb400bill; 10-29-16 at 05:13 PM. Reason: removed name calling
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Absolutely depends on where you live. Here in the city you rarely acknowledge people. Maybe there are just too many of us. But whenever I visit a friend in a small town everyone waves and acknowledges each other, and I mean everyone. Sure, they likely know each other, but surely they don't know me. I always find myself waving to perfect strangers when I'm there, and then have to reel it back when I get back to my big city.
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I probably have a different take on this. My parents taught me to acknowledge other black people I see by nodding/greeting/waving. There is a great Black-ish episode on this called "The Nod."
Partially because I grew up in mostly white areas. Partially because they are southerners and they are used to saying Hi. I ended up informally extending this to saying hi to people who looked receptive when I was younger.
When I got to college and lived in a bigger metro area, I stopped because I felt like it encouraged creepy people to interact with me. Being a woman in public is not always fun.
I apparently have a face or aura that encourages strangers to interact with me. It is a running joke that when I am out and about with friends they are shocked at how many people say hi and greet me without any provocation by me. I respond selectively. It is a thin line between friendly and sketchy. Most people are looking for a hello. But I have also experienced plenty of people who follow it up with a lewd comment or gesture.
I'll concur with everyone else. Say hi if you want. Don't expect people to say hi back.
Partially because I grew up in mostly white areas. Partially because they are southerners and they are used to saying Hi. I ended up informally extending this to saying hi to people who looked receptive when I was younger.
When I got to college and lived in a bigger metro area, I stopped because I felt like it encouraged creepy people to interact with me. Being a woman in public is not always fun.
I apparently have a face or aura that encourages strangers to interact with me. It is a running joke that when I am out and about with friends they are shocked at how many people say hi and greet me without any provocation by me. I respond selectively. It is a thin line between friendly and sketchy. Most people are looking for a hello. But I have also experienced plenty of people who follow it up with a lewd comment or gesture.
I'll concur with everyone else. Say hi if you want. Don't expect people to say hi back.
#54
Riding like its 1990
I teach high school kids. I smile and say Good Morning EVERY DAY FOR 9 MONTHS.
Most days I get nothing, some days I goad them a little into replying.
Response or no, I always say it. I say it BECAUSE I AM POLITE, not because they are.
I also always say PLEASE and THANK YOU to them.
They notice.
When they mature and become confident in who THEY are, they will choose to be courteous as a rule, or not.
Most days I get nothing, some days I goad them a little into replying.
Response or no, I always say it. I say it BECAUSE I AM POLITE, not because they are.
I also always say PLEASE and THANK YOU to them.
They notice.
When they mature and become confident in who THEY are, they will choose to be courteous as a rule, or not.
Last edited by thenomad; 10-29-16 at 12:47 PM.
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The MUP I ride on is very near to some schools and the track teams use it to train on right about the time I get to ride after work. Imagine riding along and a hundred or more teenagers come running at you all strung out along a very narrow path I just pull over until they thin out. I have never gotten more "high", "how ya doin", "way to go", "keep riding" greetings from these kids than from any adults.
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Well, then again.., we're all human beings (at least, I hope this is still the case). I don't blame you for wanting to spread some light. There's nothing wrong with that. Just you saying hello can help any of those kids to feel better that morning. I remember high school, and for a lot of us, a little support would have gone a long way. Thanks for trying to help.
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Last edited by 1989Pre; 10-30-16 at 05:31 PM.
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I agree with #15, I'm surprised at the negative reactions and anti-social replies to you. I've been a high school teacher for 23 years and these kids need more human interaction. There's nothing "creepy" or wrong about saying hello to them and nothing wrong with your goal to get one of them to say hi back. I obviously disagree with those who say it is not your "right." Well, big whoop if you are trying to get interaction with them, what does it hurt? Why do people choose to be unfriendly?
Here's the deal: According to the time you say you are passing them, I would just say they are in a fog at that time of the day. They are not fully awake yet. Now if you had been passing them around 8:45 instead...
Keep trying. I didn't bother to check what state or city you live in, but I'm glad to hear that you are being cheerful on your way to work and doing your best to not be a non-big city cold personality. If someone chooses not to acknowledge you and say hi back, that's their choice. I, too, have that ritual. On my hour commute to work, I say hi to whoever I pass by in either direction. I would say most, around 75% for me, say hi back. That's from an informal count over the last year. These include joggers, walkers, dog walkers, waiting bus riders, yard care personnel, other cyclists, and more serious cyclists (wearing cycle spandex), etc. etc. Speaking of the latter, I find that they are the most unfriendly. I would say they are polar opposite. I get about only a 25% response from them. Everyone else is way more friendly. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised at the reactions you have been getting here.
Here's the deal: According to the time you say you are passing them, I would just say they are in a fog at that time of the day. They are not fully awake yet. Now if you had been passing them around 8:45 instead...
Keep trying. I didn't bother to check what state or city you live in, but I'm glad to hear that you are being cheerful on your way to work and doing your best to not be a non-big city cold personality. If someone chooses not to acknowledge you and say hi back, that's their choice. I, too, have that ritual. On my hour commute to work, I say hi to whoever I pass by in either direction. I would say most, around 75% for me, say hi back. That's from an informal count over the last year. These include joggers, walkers, dog walkers, waiting bus riders, yard care personnel, other cyclists, and more serious cyclists (wearing cycle spandex), etc. etc. Speaking of the latter, I find that they are the most unfriendly. I would say they are polar opposite. I get about only a 25% response from them. Everyone else is way more friendly. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised at the reactions you have been getting here.
Last edited by bw00ds; 10-30-16 at 02:58 AM.
#59
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I agree with #15, I'm surprised at the negative reactions and anti-social replies to you. I've been a high school teacher for 23 years and these kids need more human interaction. There's nothing "creepy" or wrong about saying hello to them and nothing wrong with your goal to get one of them to say hi back. I obviously disagree with those who say it is not your "right." Well, big whoop if you are trying to get interaction with them, what does it hurt? Why do people choose to be unfriendly?
Here's the deal: According to the time you say you are passing them, I would just say they are in a fog at that time of the day. They are not fully awake yet. Now if you had been passing them around 8:45 instead...
Keep trying. I didn't bother to check what state or city you live in, but I'm glad to hear that you are being cheerful on your way to work and doing your best to not be a non-big city cold personality. If someone chooses not to acknowledge you and say hi back, that's their choice. I, too, have that ritual. On my hour commute to work, I say hi to whoever I pass by in either direction. I would say most, around 75% for me, say hi back. That's from an informal count over the last year. These include joggers, walkers, dog walkers, waiting bus riders, yard care personnel, other cyclists, and more serious cyclists (wearing cycle spandex), etc. etc. Speaking of the latter, I find that they are the most unfriendly. I would say they are polar opposite. I get about only a 25% response from them. Everyone else is way more friendly. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised at the reactions you have been getting here.
Here's the deal: According to the time you say you are passing them, I would just say they are in a fog at that time of the day. They are not fully awake yet. Now if you had been passing them around 8:45 instead...
Keep trying. I didn't bother to check what state or city you live in, but I'm glad to hear that you are being cheerful on your way to work and doing your best to not be a non-big city cold personality. If someone chooses not to acknowledge you and say hi back, that's their choice. I, too, have that ritual. On my hour commute to work, I say hi to whoever I pass by in either direction. I would say most, around 75% for me, say hi back. That's from an informal count over the last year. These include joggers, walkers, dog walkers, waiting bus riders, yard care personnel, other cyclists, and more serious cyclists (wearing cycle spandex), etc. etc. Speaking of the latter, I find that they are the most unfriendly. I would say they are polar opposite. I get about only a 25% response from them. Everyone else is way more friendly. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised at the reactions you have been getting here.
#60
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I married into a black family and I have noticed this once in a while. When we visit family in Chicago, New York or Philadelphia nodding/greeting/waving to other black folk would be impractical as often times everybody's black (except me).
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And what's with these weirdos who say this is creepy or that you are stalking? Seems to me that their minds are the ones in the gutter. I would never have thought of that in a million years. I think those accusers are the ones that the students should be leery of.
And someone accusing you of being "self centered" for doing this?!!! Geez, what ridiculous mentalities the Internet hath born. Since when is being friendly and common courtesy being "self centered?" Don't listen to them.
Last edited by bw00ds; 10-30-16 at 12:20 PM.
#63
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IDK, maybe its something about people you see in Florida.. My friends (voluntarily) call out 'hello' , to me Here.
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Look at this:
I'm determined to get some response before the end of the school year in June 2017.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with. Something to think about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
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Here is an adult man, who has no reason to be interacting with high school children, that has decided to devote 7 months to figuring out how he can change their behavior to what he considers appropriate. To force a child, or anyone else to respond to you is the perfect illustration of privilege through perception of threat. Same concept that leads men to tell women they do not know and have no reason to interact with to "smile for me." It's awful, just leave people alone.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with.
Mmmm. She says I did.
Something to think about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
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I'm surprised you do not already have a blog post cued up about this topic.
You be nice to people by respecting their response, if they do not respond to you or respond negatively; you leave them alone. Sure, say "hi" but if they don't respond or respond negatively, you leave them alone. This is very easy to understand.
I work with abused/abandoned/neglected children so maybe I'm just too sensitive to this but it is always a red flag when an adult male attempts to repeatedly interact with children that 1. they do not know 2. have already responded negatively or not at all. I mean think about it, those kids are forced to be at that bus stop every day. That is a space they have little to no choice but to go to, every day. Now this adult man on a bicycle is going to come by and cajole them into paying attention and responding to him. How often is he going to do this? Every day? Is he going see something he didn't like in the morning and then come back and wait to confront someone in the afternoon? It is creepy and is not behavior that is appropriate.
I assume your girlfriend is an adult and as such would be on equal footing should she decide she did not want to talk to you or interact with you in public. There is no societal expectation to defer to a adult peer in public. However, even though it is diminished significantly from days past, there is still a strong deference instilled in most children towards adults. Rights and respect of children is still such a new concept that it is hard for a lot of older adults to understand and oftentimes hard to accept once they do understand.
This was not meant to be offensive, it was meant to be educational. Sometimes knowing how to behave in public is not intuitive and it can be helpful to use the things one should not do to start a frame of reference.
You be nice to people by respecting their response, if they do not respond to you or respond negatively; you leave them alone. Sure, say "hi" but if they don't respond or respond negatively, you leave them alone. This is very easy to understand.
I work with abused/abandoned/neglected children so maybe I'm just too sensitive to this but it is always a red flag when an adult male attempts to repeatedly interact with children that 1. they do not know 2. have already responded negatively or not at all. I mean think about it, those kids are forced to be at that bus stop every day. That is a space they have little to no choice but to go to, every day. Now this adult man on a bicycle is going to come by and cajole them into paying attention and responding to him. How often is he going to do this? Every day? Is he going see something he didn't like in the morning and then come back and wait to confront someone in the afternoon? It is creepy and is not behavior that is appropriate.
I'd have to ask my girlfriend if I came across as a maniac when I was trying to get her attention.
might even be considered offensive towards the OP.
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You need to learn to leave people alone. Why are you determined to make people feel uncomfortable or even unsafe?
Some people are introverts. They aren't broken and don't need you to try to fix them.
Some people are introverts. They aren't broken and don't need you to try to fix them.
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It is creepy.
Look at this:
Here is an adult man, who has no reason to be interacting with high school children, that has decided to devote 7 months to figuring out how he can change their behavior to what he considers appropriate. To force a child, or anyone else to respond to you is the perfect illustration of privilege through perception of threat. Same concept that leads men to tell women they do not know and have no reason to interact with to "smile for me." It's awful, just leave people alone.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with. Something to think about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
Look at this:
Here is an adult man, who has no reason to be interacting with high school children, that has decided to devote 7 months to figuring out how he can change their behavior to what he considers appropriate. To force a child, or anyone else to respond to you is the perfect illustration of privilege through perception of threat. Same concept that leads men to tell women they do not know and have no reason to interact with to "smile for me." It's awful, just leave people alone.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with. Something to think about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
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You be nice to people by respecting their response, if they do not respond to you or respond negatively; you leave them alone. Sure, say "hi" but if they don't respond or respond negatively, you leave them alone. This is very easy to understand.
I work with abused/abandoned/neglected children so maybe I'm just too sensitive to this but it is always a red flag when an adult male attempts to repeatedly interact with children that 1. they do not know 2. have already responded negatively or not at all. I mean think about it, those kids are forced to be at that bus stop every day. That is a space they have little to no choice but to go to, every day. Now this adult man on a bicycle is going to come by and cajole them into paying attention and responding to him. How often is he going to do this? Every day? Is he going see something he didn't like in the morning and then come back and wait to confront someone in the afternoon? It is creepy and is not behavior that is appropriate.
This was not meant to be offensive, it was meant to be educational. Sometimes knowing how to behave in public is not intuitive and it can be helpful to use the things one should not do to start a frame of reference.
I work with abused/abandoned/neglected children so maybe I'm just too sensitive to this but it is always a red flag when an adult male attempts to repeatedly interact with children that 1. they do not know 2. have already responded negatively or not at all. I mean think about it, those kids are forced to be at that bus stop every day. That is a space they have little to no choice but to go to, every day. Now this adult man on a bicycle is going to come by and cajole them into paying attention and responding to him. How often is he going to do this? Every day? Is he going see something he didn't like in the morning and then come back and wait to confront someone in the afternoon? It is creepy and is not behavior that is appropriate.
This was not meant to be offensive, it was meant to be educational. Sometimes knowing how to behave in public is not intuitive and it can be helpful to use the things one should not do to start a frame of reference.
As my last post on this (oh, except for my post awaiting moderator approval for whatever reason that might show up after this), I say chill, folks. Take his friendly post for what it is and stop the lecturing to him already. Really, to me, some of the posts and reactions here are more bizarre than the behavior with which you are accusing him.
Have a great ride.
Last edited by bw00ds; 10-31-16 at 07:22 AM.
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I hardly think that riding by a bunch of kids and saying hi to them as you pass constitutes any kind of 'force', even if it'd done daily for seven months.
Last edited by mcours2006; 10-31-16 at 07:15 AM.
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OP,
I don't think your enthusiasm to greet those kids is weird, or creepy, or wrong.
However, some people (as evidenced in this thread) take offense at ordinary, friendly gestures. I don't think you can be blamed for that.
Also......
I think this is an excellent observation. Do you remember what High school was like? It's like the most insecure time in your life. Kids eat one another alive if they can.... bullying, depression, eating disorders, performance anxieties, and maybe even more shocking things like bomb threats and gun violence in schools are a pretty common part of the modern teenager's everyday life. Unless your the golden "popular kid" I doubt anyone really wants to go there. I was an excellent student, but high school was still a very lonely place fraught with soul crushing defeats.
They might not be able to respond, but I'd wager it's good for them to see someone "on the other side" who is still cheerful and optimistic enough about life to smile and say good morning. As thenomad says, just be kind to them because it's the kind thing to do. For that I say you want and are doing an honorable thing.
I don't think your enthusiasm to greet those kids is weird, or creepy, or wrong.
However, some people (as evidenced in this thread) take offense at ordinary, friendly gestures. I don't think you can be blamed for that.
Also......
They might not be able to respond, but I'd wager it's good for them to see someone "on the other side" who is still cheerful and optimistic enough about life to smile and say good morning. As thenomad says, just be kind to them because it's the kind thing to do. For that I say you want and are doing an honorable thing.
Last edited by Bikeforumuser0019; 10-31-16 at 10:30 AM. Reason: clarity
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I've had a bus pull over and ask if I needed a ride while fixing a flat in the rain. Also, fixing a flat (all my flats are in the rain or cold, I've yet to flat in balmy weather) on a cold winter day, a cop stopped and told me he couldn't give me a lift, but if I wanted to warm up, I could sit in his back seat while he did some paperwork.
And suuuuure, you can "warm up" in the back seat of a cop car lololol. Sounds suspicious. (I'm just joking here, but you gotta admit, it can sound a bit suspicious)
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These posts about being forceful seem a little over the top. I treat others how I want to be treated - which is mostly left alone. Just seems like an uphill battle to get teenagers to care about saying hello back to you with very little reward.
#75
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I am amazed at how this gesture of good will has been distorted into something perverse. As it turns out, I've ridden past that corner three times since I started this thread, all of them too early for any of the kids to be there. I think if I were stalking or had some perverse agenda, I'd time it better each day.
Some of these replies have become very disturbing to me.
Some of these replies have become very disturbing to me.