Bikeforumuser0019

Hey everyone.

This is definitely off topic, as it doesn't really have much to do with the clyde/athena subforum but I get the impression that the folks in here are a little kinder and more compassionate about emotions and stuff than in the other sub forums.

My next door neighbor and friend from church crashed on his bike this past Saturday. He's married and has four grown kids, three of whom are married with grandkids. I'm not sure about the details of the crash... except that he was on his way to the Moonlight Ramble (by bike) and swerved/braked suddenly and flipped over forward and landed face first into the pavement.

He was not mortally wounded, although I suppose he could have easily broken his neck so for that I am extremely grateful. But he's been in the hospital since Saturday night. He's broken every bone in his face (according to the trauma doctor) as well as seriously messed up his teeth. His brain is being monitored also, as some air and blood got into the brain area I have been told that his jaw will be wired shut for many weeks, and that he's going to need a lot of dental surgery and facial reconstruction. Plastic surgery was tentatively scheduled for this weekend last I heard from his family.

I haven't seen him since his crash, but I've been told it's pretty gruesome and his recovery will be painful and take a long time. I have been friends with him and his family for many years... last year he and I went to the Ramble together (my first time) and we kept pace together the entire twenty-something miles. We've been to a few ball games and I've often been a guest at his family table at Thanksgiving and Easter suppers (I don't have much family of my own). He's a Godly man with a very loving family, and he has a kind (if occasionally dry) sense of humor. He commutes on his bike, and teaches me how to fix things on my bike from time to time.

I suppose I just feel very dejected about it. As far as I know, it was simply and truly an accident and no one was "at fault". He and his wife are loving people but aren't overly inclined to talk about "feelings". I am aware that people who have extremely disfiguring facial injuries often have psychological struggles about their identity. To me that sounds just as painful and difficult as the physical injuries. I'm just sad that's all.... thank you so much for letting me share what was on my mind. This is us at the Moonlight ramble last year. Thanks, Jessica

NYMXer

I'm sorry to read about your friend and wish I could do more than offers prayers for his recovery.

He does have a few good things going for him, the chance at a near perfect recovery and a good friend by his side. Go visit him and cheer him up, I think it will do both of you some good.

FrenchFit 

My friend crashed into me and he ended up with a broken hip/hip replacement. I was at his side in recovery, and have been encouraging him ever since. Nothing you can do about the past, there is a lot to do in offering ongoing friendship & motivation. I suspect your steady support can made a big difference for his psychological mending.

TrojanHorse

Yeah, go visit him, no point in feeling morose about it. He crashed, and hopefully he'll recover soon. Sounds pretty awful but being in the hospital is always better than the alternative!

Bikeforumuser0019

His daughter in law is one of my best friends, and she and I are going to visit him today after I get off work. He's home now from the hospital, but going to see a dental surgeon today. Apparently some of his teeth were completely lost, dislodged, chipped, etc. And he's going back to the hospital Friday for more facial surgery. I guess they had to wait for the swelling to go down some before they could operate.

I heard from his wife that he was able to see himself in the mirror for the first time on Monday and his own assessment was that it was "oppressive". But I've also heard reports that he's going about his daily routines now that he's at home for the most part. All his food has to be pureed however, because his jaw is wired shut. But he can eat real food, not that Jevity stuff they tube feed people at the hospital, thank God. blech

thanks for your encouragement. I'm still not sure exactly what I'll see when we visit him this afternoon. I wonder if people's reactions at the sight of him are getting him down. I may ask him how all this is making him feel if it seems to be a welcome question. That is what I would want someone to ask me if I was in his place.

Jarrett2

Sorry to hear about your friend. Definitely go visit and support him.

NYMXer

Back in '79, I had a almost fatal accident that changed my life and career path, so I say this with experience..... Be a good listener and unless he asks you a direct questions, just let him talk and offer encouraging support. Let him know that he has good doctors and to be glad that it wasn't worse. Let him know that he was "spared" for possibly a greater purpose, whether true or not. Sometimes, a little faith at the right time makes a world of difference.
In the end, let him know that you value his friendship and are willing to help any way he needs your help.

TrojanHorse

Men don't (typically) respond well to weepy sensitivity. Tell him he looks badass. Tell jokes. Have fun, it's not a funeral.