October's Addiction Madness '12
10-01-12, 05:22 AM
#27
out walking the earth
uh, ok
10-01-12, 05:49 AM
#28
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Ok I'm gonna be serious here
you are an active participant in this relationship. But not in the way that you think. Your job is to take care of you. You can support her, but you cannot change her. That is her job.
You need to explore your own motivations here. Saying "if it works, great. If not, I'll live" is lying to yourself. Look inside, either with or without professional help and discover YOUR motivation. Only then can you be a good husband/ boyfriend, or whatever.
Now back to your regular scheduled shenanigans
you are an active participant in this relationship. But not in the way that you think. Your job is to take care of you. You can support her, but you cannot change her. That is her job.
You need to explore your own motivations here. Saying "if it works, great. If not, I'll live" is lying to yourself. Look inside, either with or without professional help and discover YOUR motivation. Only then can you be a good husband/ boyfriend, or whatever.
Now back to your regular scheduled shenanigans
You can't control her feelings...she can't control her feelings...yet she's convinced you that you have some culpability in what arises for her. And now she's playing the S card...."you make me want to kill myself"....so act perfectly so I don't, otherwise it will be your fault...now let's not talk about this other guy I'm with.
uh, ok
uh, ok
10-01-12, 05:55 AM
#29
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It they aren't really anything, why is talking to him such an ordeal? First she put it off, then she decided on a date and time to have the conversation... and promptly "fell asleep early," and now she's wants to kill herself if you bring it up. Yup, he's no biggie.
10-01-12, 06:13 AM
#31
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At least I have an arrow in the quiver should I decide to stray in my relationship.
Wife - "Are you sleeping with someone else?"
Me - "Stop trying to manipulate me!"
Damn, may have to rethink; seeing it in print, it doesn't look too persuasive.
Wife - "Are you sleeping with someone else?"
Me - "Stop trying to manipulate me!"
Damn, may have to rethink; seeing it in print, it doesn't look too persuasive.
10-01-12, 06:13 AM
#32
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yes, my motivation is clearly to make this work. That should be quite obvious. I do love her, and not just in a sex fueled lust kind of way. I don't want to change her like I said I love her for who she is. The good, the bad, the ugly. She obviously has some issues, and I support her, and I want to help her through them. The reason I wanted to walk away yesterday was the mention of how I make her feel terrible, like she can't do anything right, and that it makes her want to kill herself. I had full intentions of walking away. Until we once again started to feel great together again. It seems like it's this whole distance between us thing. We really had a great day together, and if I was able to live down there with her, I think most of our issues would be gone. It's when we are apart that the problems start.
she's not really with him. I keep telling you guys that. I feel like a broken record. They aren't really anything. Especially compared to what we have. Just friends that at some point have had relations. I expect after yesterday. The talk will go down very soon. I didn't have to force it. I just had to demonstrate my value, and once again show her how great we are together, and how much better I am than him. Which isn't hard because let's face it I am pretty awesome, which is why she came back to me in the first place.
she's not really with him. I keep telling you guys that. I feel like a broken record. They aren't really anything. Especially compared to what we have. Just friends that at some point have had relations. I expect after yesterday. The talk will go down very soon. I didn't have to force it. I just had to demonstrate my value, and once again show her how great we are together, and how much better I am than him. Which isn't hard because let's face it I am pretty awesome, which is why she came back to me in the first place.
My 2 cents....move on, it's not worth the effort when it will eventually end (again). I've been through something similar, you just need to be apart to see the light.
10-01-12, 06:14 AM
#33
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10-01-12, 06:15 AM
#34
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Originally Posted by ijen
I need someone with a .edu email address to help a sister out.
10-01-12, 06:16 AM
#35
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Exactly. The very fact that I make her question her very existence to me seems like I really can't loose. I'm sure that came out wrong, but I see it as a clear indication of how much she does care for me. It's purely because she knows she has hurt me in the past, and she doesn't want to do it again. Every day that we spend together is better than the last. It will get better, and we will work through the issues. I am fairly confident of this.
10-01-12, 06:17 AM
#37
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10-01-12, 06:19 AM
#38
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I appreciate the advice DDF. The thing is we've been apart many times for many years. The times we are together are nothing short of spectacular.
10-01-12, 06:21 AM
#39
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10-01-12, 06:21 AM
#40
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10-01-12, 06:21 AM
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Exactly. The very fact that I make her question her very existence to me seems like I really can't loose. I'm sure that came out wrong, but I see it as a clear indication of how much she does care for me. It's purely because she knows she has hurt me in the past, and she doesn't want to do it again. Every day that we spend together is better than the last. It will get better, and we will work through the issues. I am fairly confident of this.
10-01-12, 06:22 AM
#42
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Exactly. The very fact that I make her question her very existence to me seems like I really can't loose. I'm sure that came out wrong, but I see it as a clear indication of how much she does care for me. It's purely because she knows she has hurt me in the past, and she doesn't want to do it again. Every day that we spend together is better than the last. It will get better, and we will work through the issues. I am fairly confident of this.
10-01-12, 06:24 AM
#43
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10-01-12, 06:35 AM
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10-01-12, 06:39 AM
#46
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10-01-12, 06:42 AM
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10-01-12, 06:43 AM
#48
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This is SA. He's been known to wildly misinterpret straightforwards statements, so you can see how he'd have difficulty with something so nuanced as "you make me want to kill myself."
10-01-12, 06:45 AM
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