Wife rant
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07-28-23, 05:21 PM
#77
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My wife grew up in an environment where she was taught that people in the world would judge her - clothes, appearance, behavior, etc. That mentality (programming, if you will) has been really difficult to put behind her, and has been a hinderance for her in many ways. I agree with you 100% that a lot of it is a waste of time and energy. I think we did a decent job not passing it on to our kids, thankfully.
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07-28-23, 05:40 PM
#78
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NOPE...staying out of it...yes, I've posted, but I'm STAYING out of it...I wear Uniqlo athletic shorts and Airism tops. No bibs for me...
07-28-23, 07:08 PM
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When you said you didn't want to get dressed up I'd assumed you have a fairly loud cycling outfit with sponsor logos and loud colors. You've got the kind of outfit plenty of people wear just for the sake of riding, simple and basic. Its annoying having to do the extra wash but I can see where she could get annoyed thinking you're not taking her riding seriously enough. Personally I've never liked to bother wearing cycling outfits which she's known since I first got her into cycling, but she finds it important to look the part every time she rides has well. I'm glad she doesn't try to have me do so but if she were to ask I wouldn't mind doing so and would pick an outfit like yours.
Michelle Pfeiffer version?
Michelle Pfeiffer version?
07-28-23, 10:12 PM
#80
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You know, it occurs to me that she might feel like if you dress like some schmo at a picnic, rather than in cycling kit, that you're telling HER that you don't take the activity seriously, that riding with her isn't REALLY riding. So maybe it's not about how you look to other people.
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07-28-23, 10:22 PM
#81
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Okay, seems a bit odd to me. But, FWIW: as a female, sometimes it's harder to be taken seriously about things. It may be she feels that unless she's kitted up, people-- especially men-- aren't going to see her as a "real" bike rider, but more like someone toodling along wobbly-like on her pink Barbie Dream Beach Cruiser at 3 mph with the saddle too low for half a mile and then calling it quits for the year. I would love to tell you I'm making this up, and it's hard to explain to someone who's not experienced it, but as a person who's regularly underestimated in (insert activity here; there are many) for absolutely no reason... I can feel her if that's why. So, therefore, she may feel that if *she's* kitted up, she doesn't want to be dressed up by herself. (Mind you, she's probably more likely to be taken seriously simply by virtue of being with a man-- or, at least, people are less likely to comment on it)
Just wait until you get home and she's got a Batman costume and she wants you to dress up as Catwoman...
Just wait until you get home and she's got a Batman costume and she wants you to dress up as Catwoman...
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07-29-23, 05:02 PM
#83
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Understood.
My wife grew up in an environment where she was taught that people in the world would judge her - clothes, appearance, behavior, etc. That mentality (programming, if you will) has been really difficult to put behind her, and has been a hinderance for her in many ways. I agree with you 100% that a lot of it is a waste of time and energy. I think we did a decent job not passing it on to our kids, thankfully.
My wife grew up in an environment where she was taught that people in the world would judge her - clothes, appearance, behavior, etc. That mentality (programming, if you will) has been really difficult to put behind her, and has been a hinderance for her in many ways. I agree with you 100% that a lot of it is a waste of time and energy. I think we did a decent job not passing it on to our kids, thankfully.
Not all successful real estate agents desire to own a nice car, but they know it’s a perceived marker of success among others.
The trick is knowing when to go in and out of character.
I have realized similar things about hypocrisy, but I think most can’t handle willful hypocrisy. They just tell themselves they aren’t hypocrites.
07-29-23, 05:03 PM
#84
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My beloved better half has been riding with me for years. She is not very fast, and she has no heat (or cold) tolerance--conditions have to be very pleasant, or she won't go. She doesn't like riding in traffic, and won't go up long or steep hills. To her, long is anything over two miles, and steep is anything over 2%. But she's been gradually improving her stamina over the years, and she can go 25 miles or so on flat terrain. I accept the fact she'll never join me on a century ride over mountain passes in 90 degree heat. I'm just glad she's willing to go out and ride with me at all. It's something we really enjoy together. We have some easy MUPs in our area that she loves when the weather is nice, and I love any time spent on a bike.
Here's the trouble. She expects me to look the part. When I hop on my road bike for a 30, 50, or 100 mile ride at 18 MPH, I'm wearing my best bib shorts and tight fitting jersey. I'll have a few packets of Gu in my pocket, and wear my Oakley M2 Frame glasses. These things all make small but noticeable differences in my performance. Sometimes, when I'm joining my wife for a casual Saturday brunch run or whatever, I might decide to ride my 22 pound steel frame fixie. It has 32mm Gatorskins and about the most non-aero seating position possible. I might also choose an even heavier 3-speed city bike. Because I know we're only going 10 or 15 miles, and average speed will be about 12 MPH, I might choose some cargo shorts or joggers and a T-shirt, polo, or even a casual button-down. She gets a little upset and tells me I have to wear some more serious biking attire. Why? Because she's wearing her most performance-oriented clothes, and if someone sees us, she wants them to know we're avid bikers. In casual clothes, I might project the wrong image, and then people won't take us seriously. I've tried to tell her, "You wear whatever works for you. I'm fine with this comfortable outfit for today's ride." But that doesn't go over so well. She pretty much insists I dress up.
Anyone else have to dress the part for the sake of your riding partner's intended image?
Here's the trouble. She expects me to look the part. When I hop on my road bike for a 30, 50, or 100 mile ride at 18 MPH, I'm wearing my best bib shorts and tight fitting jersey. I'll have a few packets of Gu in my pocket, and wear my Oakley M2 Frame glasses. These things all make small but noticeable differences in my performance. Sometimes, when I'm joining my wife for a casual Saturday brunch run or whatever, I might decide to ride my 22 pound steel frame fixie. It has 32mm Gatorskins and about the most non-aero seating position possible. I might also choose an even heavier 3-speed city bike. Because I know we're only going 10 or 15 miles, and average speed will be about 12 MPH, I might choose some cargo shorts or joggers and a T-shirt, polo, or even a casual button-down. She gets a little upset and tells me I have to wear some more serious biking attire. Why? Because she's wearing her most performance-oriented clothes, and if someone sees us, she wants them to know we're avid bikers. In casual clothes, I might project the wrong image, and then people won't take us seriously. I've tried to tell her, "You wear whatever works for you. I'm fine with this comfortable outfit for today's ride." But that doesn't go over so well. She pretty much insists I dress up.
Anyone else have to dress the part for the sake of your riding partner's intended image?
Outside of the dressing the part bit, this is my wife. However, she has mentioned to me once or twice that she feels odd when she dresses in her riding gear and I am more casual , but she does not give me grief about it.
07-29-23, 05:15 PM
#85
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I'm not sure, but to my befuddled sense of perception, most of you fellas got the mate selection process wrong. I tried, through several long and short term relationships, to bring my potential life partner to the same level of bicycling at which I live and ride. Finally, I modified my eHarmony profile to specifically state that no one except dedicated, serious bicyclists need apply. I reached out to my current fiancee because her profile mentioned bicycling three times. (Many women claim to like cycling because they have a bike hanging in the garage, but they don't necessarily ever ride out of the neighborhood.) Although she was concerned that I was too old (5 years) for her, I convinced her that my lack of maturity offset my excess years, and we went on a few rides together. I found we rode at the same pace and she was game to go on longer and longer rides, 45-55 miles after a few weeks of training. I told her my philosophy of training rides to prepare for touring, both supported and unsupported, with 50+ mile days, day after day (we were both in our sixties). After we determined that we were bicycling - compatible, we worked out the rest of the relationship.
Edit- riding clothes were never part of the interview process.
Edit- riding clothes were never part of the interview process.
Last edited by DeadGrandpa; 07-29-23 at 05:26 PM.
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07-29-23, 06:39 PM
#87
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Understood.
My wife grew up in an environment where she was taught that people in the world would judge her - clothes, appearance, behavior, etc. That mentality (programming, if you will) has been really difficult to put behind her, and has been a hinderance for her in many ways. I agree with you 100% that a lot of it is a waste of time and energy. I think we did a decent job not passing it on to our kids, thankfully.
My wife grew up in an environment where she was taught that people in the world would judge her - clothes, appearance, behavior, etc. That mentality (programming, if you will) has been really difficult to put behind her, and has been a hinderance for her in many ways. I agree with you 100% that a lot of it is a waste of time and energy. I think we did a decent job not passing it on to our kids, thankfully.
07-29-23, 08:22 PM
#89
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I think many (most?) people in western civilization want too much from their spouse.
I told my dad, “You complain that your wife doesn’t have a job, but you totally rely on her to keep the house up, pick up after you, etc. You probably can’t have both.”
Sexual partner.
Best buddy.
Taxi driver for the kids.
cook.
maid.
provider.
workout partner.
WTF. Pick 2 or 3, not everything at once unless you enjoy being let down by your own expectations.
I told my dad, “You complain that your wife doesn’t have a job, but you totally rely on her to keep the house up, pick up after you, etc. You probably can’t have both.”
Sexual partner.
Best buddy.
Taxi driver for the kids.
cook.
maid.
provider.
workout partner.
WTF. Pick 2 or 3, not everything at once unless you enjoy being let down by your own expectations.
07-30-23, 12:00 AM
#90
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My post that you quoted with this was half-joking.
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07-30-23, 12:04 AM
#91
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I think many (most?) people in western civilization want too much from their spouse.
I told my dad, “You complain that your wife doesn’t have a job, but you totally rely on her to keep the house up, pick up after you, etc. You probably can’t have both.”
Sexual partner.
Best buddy.
Taxi driver for the kids.
cook.
maid.
provider.
workout partner.
WTF. Pick 2 or 3, not everything at once unless you enjoy being let down by your own expectations.
I told my dad, “You complain that your wife doesn’t have a job, but you totally rely on her to keep the house up, pick up after you, etc. You probably can’t have both.”
Sexual partner.
Best buddy.
Taxi driver for the kids.
cook.
maid.
provider.
workout partner.
WTF. Pick 2 or 3, not everything at once unless you enjoy being let down by your own expectations.
__________________
"Swedish fish. They're protein shaped." - livedarklions
"Swedish fish. They're protein shaped." - livedarklions
07-30-23, 07:46 AM
#92
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I finally got my wife to start riding with me about 8 years ago. Not much, but she would accompany me on the weekends. She got up to doing about 25 miles per ride, it was great having her along. Then about 3 years ago she had a minor bike accident that was more terrifying then injurious but it was enough to keep her from wanting to ride again. I miss spending that time with her. If she told me the only way she would ride again with me was that I had to dress like a clown, I'd be shopping for clown costumes this afternoon.
07-30-23, 08:25 AM
#94
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Anyone else have to dress the part for the sake of your riding partner's intended image?
Was "minimalist functional" back when I was distance running. Same, with cycling, preferring "functional / utilitarian" to anything else. Never did fit in with the "in" crowd, but that's never bothered me. Never had a group-activity member complain, or hold anything on me, to gain compliance.
Of course, doing events might well require something else, depending on the event. But it'd have to be some wild "do" for me to think dressing "to the nines" (in kit) would be appropriate.
07-30-23, 01:16 PM
#95
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You know, it occurs to me that she might feel like if you dress like some schmo at a picnic, rather than in cycling kit, that you're telling HER that you don't take the activity seriously, that riding with her isn't REALLY riding. So maybe it's not about how you look to other people.
07-30-23, 01:20 PM
#96
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Okay, seems a bit odd to me. But, FWIW: as a female, sometimes it's harder to be taken seriously about things. It may be she feels that unless she's kitted up, people-- especially men-- aren't going to see her as a "real" bike rider, but more like someone toodling along wobbly-like on her pink Barbie Dream Beach Cruiser at 3 mph with the saddle too low for half a mile and then calling it quits for the year. I would love to tell you I'm making this up, and it's hard to explain to someone who's not experienced it, but as a person who's regularly underestimated in (insert activity here; there are many) for absolutely no reason... I can feel her if that's why. So, therefore, she may feel that if *she's* kitted up, she doesn't want to be dressed up by herself. (Mind you, she's probably more likely to be taken seriously simply by virtue of being with a man-- or, at least, people are less likely to comment on it)
07-30-23, 02:38 PM
#97
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I finally got my wife to start riding with me about 8 years ago. Not much, but she would accompany me on the weekends. She got up to doing about 25 miles per ride, it was great having her along. Then about 3 years ago she had a minor bike accident that was more terrifying then injurious but it was enough to keep her from wanting to ride again. I miss spending that time with her. If she told me the only way she would ride again with me was that I had to dress like a clown, I'd be shopping for clown costumes this afternoon.
I lost my wife to cancer. You don't want to have any regrets over something trivial that would have made her happy.
07-30-23, 02:44 PM
#98
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I don't wear a cycling kit so that means I am sub-human and my rides are not serious enough and don't count 
....Wow just wow, if cyclists would just stop being so obsessed about projecting their serious cyclist image. Truth is that your fancy kit only matters here on bikeforums, the more expensive your kit is the more high fives and likes you get.... out in the real world nobody cares about your flashy kit and fake sponsorship logos. Only people who are shallow judge others based on how they look, you really don't know anything about the other person whom you're judging.
....Wow just wow, if cyclists would just stop being so obsessed about projecting their serious cyclist image. Truth is that your fancy kit only matters here on bikeforums, the more expensive your kit is the more high fives and likes you get.... out in the real world nobody cares about your flashy kit and fake sponsorship logos. Only people who are shallow judge others based on how they look, you really don't know anything about the other person whom you're judging.
07-30-23, 04:17 PM
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I don't wear a cycling kit so that means I am sub-human and my rides are not serious enough and don't count ....Wow just wow, if cyclists would just stop being so obsessed about projecting their serious cyclist image. Truth is that your fancy kit only matters here on bikeforums, the more expensive your kit is the more high fives and likes you get.... out in the real world nobody cares about your flashy kit and fake sponsorship logos. Only people who are shallow judge others based on how they look, you really don't know anything about the other person whom you're judging.
....Wow just wow, if cyclists would just stop being so obsessed about projecting their serious cyclist image. Truth is that your fancy kit only matters here on bikeforums, the more expensive your kit is the more high fives and likes you get.... out in the real world nobody cares about your flashy kit and fake sponsorship logos. Only people who are shallow judge others based on how they look, you really don't know anything about the other person whom you're judging.
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07-30-23, 05:03 PM
#100
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This is quite the thread! To the OP and any like him, NO. You do what your wife says. Have you learned nothing? Good grief.
And of course, yes, you get a tandem ASAP, and a decent one. A steel Co Motion will do just fine. Yes, it's expensive but it'll make a bigger difference than you might think, in every way. My wife is a bit like yours and good for her. We dress matchy-matchy on the tandem, full kit. Her idea, and fine. We started with neighborhood rides and after a couple years, graduated to hilly group rides. We've ridden double centuries and even RAMROD, though she said, "Never again!" One doesn't see many tandems on that event ride. I didn't see any this year. We usually put in a couple thousand miles a year on it, even in our 70s.
I actually prefer to ride the tandem if possible. Why? Because it's harder! Make you strong, like bull!
And of course, yes, you get a tandem ASAP, and a decent one. A steel Co Motion will do just fine. Yes, it's expensive but it'll make a bigger difference than you might think, in every way. My wife is a bit like yours and good for her. We dress matchy-matchy on the tandem, full kit. Her idea, and fine. We started with neighborhood rides and after a couple years, graduated to hilly group rides. We've ridden double centuries and even RAMROD, though she said, "Never again!" One doesn't see many tandems on that event ride. I didn't see any this year. We usually put in a couple thousand miles a year on it, even in our 70s.
I actually prefer to ride the tandem if possible. Why? Because it's harder! Make you strong, like bull!
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