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I had the perfect Bikeforums Trigger group ride today

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Road Cycling “It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle.” -- Ernest Hemingway

I had the perfect Bikeforums Trigger group ride today

Old 07-24-20, 11:13 PM
  #1  
guadzilla
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I had the perfect Bikeforums Trigger group ride today

Today's ride hit pretty much every Bikeforums hot topic.

I was taking an extended pull up front, with the group is in single file behind me. We come across a guy riding a bike wearing platforms, joggers and no helmet, in full attack mode (bent over the bars, butt off the saddle). His style of pedaling could indeed be best described as slamdancing. To be fair, strong rider - doing about 33-34kph in a modest headwind.

So we go by (I did not wave). After a few minutes, I notice him accelerate and come alongside me. Still in full attack mode - bent over the bars, butt off the pedal, slamdancing. Fair play, at this point, I gave him a nod and a thumbs up, which he acknowledged with a smile. Then god knows what happened - I think he looked back or something, and he ended up swerving into me - I had to put my hand on his hip and push him off to keep him away. He looked a bit surprised, as if he hadnt realized how close he had gotten.

At this point, I dial it up (sadly, not to 400W) to try to gap him, and he does fall back. Only, somehow he managed to find a gap in the wheels and ended up drafting me (I think my wife was second wheel and she's a bit wary of rabbits - she may have eased off and let him in). I dont know what he was doing back there, but i heard a couple of people - including my wife - yelling at him and telling him to go to the back. No luck. He sticks in the middle of our group. I move over to the side and wave him over to the front - only to hear cries of "watch out!" from the back. Apparently he was half-wheeling me off to one side.

Finally, he gets to the front, i ease off the throttle and he rides off.

(If there was cosmic justice, i would just have ridden him off my wheel, but i did VO2 intervals to failure yesterday - my legs were feeling surprisingly good today, but not that good).

Honest to god true story - not exaggerated even slightly.
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Old 07-25-20, 12:34 AM
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Let's see:
  • You took an extended pull.
  • You took note of his inappropriate attire.
  • You didn't wave.
  • You dialed it up.
  • You pushed off without jamming him into the barriers and getting DQ'd.
  • You yelled at him.
  • You eased off the throttle.
  • You had a handy excuse for not droping the hamer and blasting your guads (intervals the previous day).

Sounds like you covered all the bases. A good day's work. Well done!
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Old 07-25-20, 02:36 AM
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Originally Posted by canklecat View Post
Let's see:
  • You took an extended pull.
  • You took note of his inappropriate attire.
  • You didn't wave.
  • You dialed it up.
  • You pushed off without jamming him into the barriers and getting DQ'd.
  • You yelled at him.
  • You eased off the throttle.
  • You had a handy excuse for not droping the hamer and blasting your guads (intervals the previous day).
Sounds like you covered all the bases. A good day's work. Well done!
It isnt easy being awesome.
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Old 07-25-20, 03:03 AM
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You have a wife?
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Old 07-25-20, 03:37 AM
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Originally Posted by znomit View Post
You have a wife?
I give you SO much ammo in that post and *this* is what you come up with? C for effort.
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Old 07-25-20, 03:39 AM
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Originally Posted by guadzilla View Post
I give you SO much ammo in that post and *this* is what you come up with? C for effort.
I thought "butt off the pedal" was too obvious.
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Old 07-25-20, 05:02 AM
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One mistake.....you didn't go to BF mid-ride and ask for advice.
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Old 07-25-20, 05:17 AM
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Drafty by Nature

If you ain't never been to the ghetto Sheridan Road
Don't ever come to the ghetto Sheridan Road
'Cause you wouldn't understand the ghetto Sheridan Road
So stay the **** out of the ghetto off of Sheridan Road
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Old 07-25-20, 05:55 AM
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Clueless morons everywhere. The hip push should have been enough to let him know he wasn't welcome. Time for the pump in the spokes....
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Old 07-25-20, 05:58 AM
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sock length?
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Old 07-25-20, 06:17 AM
  #11  
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Originally Posted by shelbyfv View Post
Clueless morons everywhere. The hip push should have been enough to let him know he wasn't welcome. Time for the pump in the spokes....
Actually, i wasnt too bothered by most of it - guy was obviously new to the sport (or so i hope anyway, given the clothes, lack of helmet, etc). I think iwhen people told him to go to the back or the side and he refused that it started to get annoying, I remember thinking about the "We are going to yell at you" thread when this was happening, and the delicious awesomeness of the events may have contributed to why i wasnt too bothered

Originally Posted by bampilot06 View Post
sock length?
Damnation!!! I missed that one.
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Old 07-25-20, 07:09 AM
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You sure it wasn't an e-bike?
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Old 07-25-20, 07:59 AM
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Was his chain waxed?
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Old 07-25-20, 08:16 AM
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Did his bike have a dork disk?
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Old 07-25-20, 09:33 AM
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What I pictured when you said he was wearing platforms:



Last edited by woodcraft; 07-25-20 at 03:44 PM.
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Old 07-25-20, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by big john View Post
You sure it wasn't an e-bike?
Ha, i wish it was. I'd be the Legend of The 41, were that so, spoken of in as revered a tone as legends such as R600DuraAce. Or maybe not...

Originally Posted by Buzzkill53120 View Post
Was his chain waxed?
Funny you ask - mine was! And a gold chain, too.

Originally Posted by Mr. 66 View Post
Did his bike have a dork disk?
Dammit, another one i missed.

Ok, so maybe this didnt check off ALL the hot buttons...
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Old 07-25-20, 01:39 PM
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Many years ago I had a guy draft me but I was unaware that he was behind me. When I slowed down his front wheel snagged my rear derailleur. He went down but my r ear derailleur was twisted and toast. I do not let strangers draft me for any reason.

I'm glad that no one in your group got hurt by this guy.

Cheers
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Old 07-25-20, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by guadzilla View Post
I give you SO much ammo in that post and *this* is what you come up with? C for effort.
Tbh this was my first thought as well.
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Old 07-25-20, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by big john View Post
You sure it wasn't an e-bike?
I passed a couple e-bikes the other day. You might be impressed, if I didn't tell you I was going downhill at the time and these were those upright kind that are probably scary at speed.
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Old 07-25-20, 04:25 PM
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Was it a crabon bike that was about to esplode?
Did it have meat slicers of death on it?
Aero bars?
How deep were the rims?
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Old 07-25-20, 05:05 PM
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Did you, at any point, give him "the look"? You do not indicate such. I can only give your story partial credit.
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Old 07-25-20, 06:49 PM
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The proper BikeForums dialup is 600W
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Old 07-25-20, 07:40 PM
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Shirtless Keith, that you?
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Old 07-25-20, 10:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Voodoo76 View Post
The proper BikeForums dialup is 600W
Freaking inflation. I hates it.

Originally Posted by Bah Humbug View Post
Did you, at any point, give him "the look"? You do not indicate such. I can only give your story partial credit.
This is where our shared narrative deviated from ideal - when he pushed to catch up to us after we had gone by and was riding next to us, I actually gave him a nod and a thumbs up. Figured he was a new rider and if so, was quite strong (whether someone else wears or doesnt wear helmet doesnt matter to me). Someone told me after the ride that this may have made him think he was welcome to join the group.

By the time i was in the proper frame of mind to actually give him The Look, he had... erm... gone ahead. F'k. Technically speaking, I got dropped by a guy slamdancing on his pedals while wearing sweat pants and riding platforms, didint I? I dont like this story anymore.

Originally Posted by Psimet2001 View Post
Tbh this was my first thought as well.
Cos you and Znomit are both going "how can such an awesome guy like Guadzilla be limited to just one woman", right? Right???

(Dammit, it is a good zinger, I gotta admit. Touche to znomit )
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Old 07-25-20, 11:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Voodoo76 View Post
The proper BikeForums dialup is 600W
And if you are on a good bike you better be able to hold it for 5 minutes.
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