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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Old 12-24-19, 06:06 PM
  #13176  
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Has placed a bear trap in his fireplace this year.

"I'm gonna get that sneaky fat bastard, him and his damned list." he explained to Dick Dehalls, Special Features Writer for The Daily Grudge. " He'll check this trap twice, you just wait and see."
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Old 12-25-19, 11:04 AM
  #13177  
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...even after all the lying he's done in this thread, he's still disappointed that there was a lump of coal in his Christmas stocking this morning.
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Old 12-25-19, 11:53 AM
  #13178  
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Actually I got two...
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Old 12-26-19, 11:25 AM
  #13179  
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...he's already starting out next year trying to be a better person.
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Old 12-26-19, 04:11 PM
  #13180  
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Believes pigs will fly in the very near future...
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Old 12-26-19, 07:52 PM
  #13181  
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Believes his rump is a luscious peach that attracts flying pigs from the future.
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Old 12-27-19, 03:16 AM
  #13182  
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Was the inspiration for Dr. Strangepork from Pigs In Space.
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Old 12-27-19, 01:11 PM
  #13183  
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His Dollar Store DNA test results came back as expected. He is half marsupial and half kale. That explains his popularity at the farmers market.
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Old 12-27-19, 02:00 PM
  #13184  
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...his considerable capital investment in breeding a kale/cannabis hybrid is about to pay off. He can now produce a green kaleabis smoothie that gets you higher than the proverbial kite.
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Old 12-27-19, 05:50 PM
  #13185  
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His idea of "capital investment" is going downtown Sacramento and buying some scratch-off lottery tickets...
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Old 12-27-19, 07:52 PM
  #13186  
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...knows full well that I am overdue to hit the big jackpot.
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Old 12-27-19, 08:19 PM
  #13187  
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Knows full well that hitting the big jackpot down town is a bag of Cheetos chased with a bottle of Thunderbird.

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Old 12-27-19, 08:47 PM
  #13188  
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Made a half-hearted apology to no motor? after he joked about marsupials hooking up with cats.

"So I made a lame joke about you getting some kitty. Sorry. Get over it, loser" is what he posted to his twitter account TheRealFakeJseis
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Old 12-28-19, 09:53 AM
  #13189  
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...he's the subject of a long article in the New England Journal of Medicine because he only has half a heart. "Remarkable he's alive at all," reads one comment.
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Old 12-28-19, 10:10 AM
  #13190  
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Thinks the world is so lucky to have me in it. "He's God's visible blessing to us all..." he told Pope Francis in a recent private audience.
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Old 12-28-19, 11:32 AM
  #13191  
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...constantly finds himself quoting Thumper Rabbit. "If you can't say sump'in' nice, don't say nuttin' at all". Still cries when the hunters shoot Bambi's mom. What a softy.
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Old 12-28-19, 01:57 PM
  #13192  
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...for many years, his drop the mike finish at the Oishii Sushi and Karaoke Bar on Tuesday nights, was a stirring rendition of "All You Need is Love". It was not unusual for the crowd to join in on the chorus. Lately, he's going with "Suspicious Minds" as done by fat Elvis. "You have to play to the crowd when you sing karaoke," he says.
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Old 12-28-19, 03:16 PM
  #13193  
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Needs at least 3 more avatars to match the voices in his head...
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Old 12-28-19, 03:53 PM
  #13194  
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...two of his alternate personalities are suspicious of the other four.
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Old 12-28-19, 07:18 PM
  #13195  
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Needs artificial intelligence to formulate thoughts.
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Old 12-28-19, 09:03 PM
  #13196  
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...not one of his alternate personalities is fat Elvis. He does have one interesting alternate personality that pops up regularly named "fat Sharon". But she doesn't sing, she just eats (a lot).
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Old 12-28-19, 10:50 PM
  #13197  
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Will be ringing in the New Year with even more cowbell.
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Old 12-29-19, 05:31 AM
  #13198  
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His New Year Resolutions are:

1) Take it easy, lay on the couch more.

2) Eat more Cheetos
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Old 12-29-19, 12:32 PM
  #13199  
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His leg lamp needs a shave.
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Old 12-29-19, 07:48 PM
  #13200  
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His has an ingrown toenail. The neighborhood dogs stay away.
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