sykerocker 

A couple of weeks ago, dropping by the local transfer station, I find a Peugeot UO-8 about to be tossed. The good news is that it's complete, although with a few component changes (Simplex Prestige replaced with a Simano Eagle II, DiaCompe stem shifters installed, DiaCompe suicide levers added to the Mafac brake levers).

The bad news is that it's been sitting in a damp basement (at best) for the last twenty years. Everything chrome except for the rims are terminal rust. There's a slight bend in the steerer tube.

What the hell, I can at least get some components for the spare parts shelf, I haven't had any practice in unbending a fork since the bike shop days, and, at best we're looking at the classic "sandblast-rattlecan-fixie-dumb college student with too much discretionary cash-let some kittens live".

Things start going awry when:

1. The rear quick release shatters when I release it to remove the rear wheel.

2. The rear wheel won't remove. The problem is ascertained to be rust gluing the chain to the freewheel. Easily beaten apart.

3. Removing the cotter pins is done with only minor difficulty. However, removing the left crank arm is done only by getting out the circular saw with the metal cutting disk and cutting the crank spindle. Never underestimate the gluing power of rust. I'm grateful that it's the left side that decided to stick.

4. Removing the adjustable bottom bracket cup is accomplished through the use of a 1/2" drive 24mm socket, air impact wrench and compressor. The fixed cup ain't going nowhere.

5. The seat bolt is rusted to the point that it immediately rounds off under the application of the proper socket. Said seat bolt is cut using my Dremel tool and a couple of cutting discs. The seatpost extracts easily.

6. Attacking the stem results in the bolt snapping almost immediately. I get around that one by dropping a longer bolt against the wedge and applying BFH with great abandon. The stem isn't frozen, but budging slowly, so I spray some Bombardier Lube, wait two minutes, and take about five minutes to finally remove the stem.

7. Ditto rust on the Mafac lever bolts. Grab again for Dremel and cutting disc, and do a fast swipe on the mounting straps. I may try to keep the levers, as I've never seen what appears to be a "factory" application of DiaCompe suicide levers to Mafac's. Back in the day, the Gitane dealer in Erie just replaced the entire lever unit with Schwinn Approved when the customer demanded suicide levers.

So it's apart (except for the headset), the parts I'm going to refurbish and shelve are put aside, and the trash can is full. Still have to take the wheels down - later. I've usually got a fairly good eye for a junkyard find under all the filth, but this time I kinda underestimated.

And halfway through the job, a old folk song from my college days, that I hadn't thought of in thirty years suddenly pops up in my head: "Waist Deep in the Big Muddy".

These are the moments when I'm eternally grateful for those years spent at AR Adams Schwinn/Raleigh in Erie. I can remember doing every one of those actions at one time or another under Merle's tutelage.

Jtgyk

This is why I have to repeat to myself, "there's nothing so expensive as a free bike" every time I do this.

The cure lasts for about 2 months.

Batman_3000

How about turning it into modern art ? Like you cut it into different sized parts at random, then weld them together in random order, add a few pieces of scrap metal from any other source, drape it in toilet paper and call it "Das kapital". I hear there is a big market for this sort of stuff. You don't necessarily have to call it Das kapital, something like "The fall of decadent bourgeois post industrail capitalist society" would do. There's a guy down the road from here who does this sort of stuff, and apparantly he's making a stash. Just an idea.

RobbieTunes

But think of the fun you had....

Chain someone to it, photo it, and call it "Das bicykal."
Throw it at the first buyer and call it performance art.

If it hurts the buyer, sell your martyrdom to pay the lawsuit.

America is a great place.

sykerocker 

Actually, I had fun just tearing the thing apart and remembering a couple of tricks that I hadn't used in thirty-five years.

RobbieTunes

There you go....I kind of figured you had some fun on it.

Poguemahone

Weirdly, both Syke and I found UOs on the same day, only a few miles apart, though I paid twenty good dollars for mine. However, I got the better deal-- mine has been converted to cotterless, with the handly thick walled Japanese Cups, as well. And it's in a lot better shape. And it had look pedals. However, the stem was stuck, mostly because the stem bolt was doing a very good imitation of a circle. So I wound up hacksawing off the stem and banging the rusted in expander wedge bolt out with a hammer and beater screwdriver (ie 99 cents at walmart). And, of course the deraileur pulleys are gone (hello Suntour GT!)

Syke, I've likely got replacement rims/wheels if you want 'em.

sykerocker 

Of course I did. I always have fun working on a bike no matter how cheap, mean, or beaten. If nothing else, I can have fun taking the circular saw to the frame and make sure that it never inflicts itself on some poor unknowing innocent again.

Servo888

This is sooo true! *sigh* I don't even want to know how many hours and dollars I've spent .

nlerner

Any bicycle work that involves power tools and a BFH has to be good.

Neal

Batman_3000

This is always amusing to me, wherever you live, you complain about your country. Well, not complain, but you get fed up with some of the "excesses". People over here in France are always grumping about France (me too), In England same thing. Even the Germans don't seem to like Germany, they keep trying to invade other countries to go and live there (before anybody get's upset, it's humour).

Tell you what, of all the places in the world I've been, on pass thru travel or living, the only one I'd love to return to is North America. OK, I was in Canada, but what's the difference between a Canadian and an American anyway ?

redneckwes

Hey Syke, that UO is not a 23" is it?

I've got a beauty of a UO frame in 22" that would fit you perfect.

sykerocker 

Congratulations! You've just done the equivalent of calling an Irishman (or Scotsman, or Welshman) an Englishman. Or an Alsatian, a German.

sykerocker 

Thanks, but I've already got one. A slightly worn but very nice condition completely original 1973 model. Which is far and away the least ridden bike in the stable. Compared to everything else, it's slow, heavy, and while a nice ride, not exactly something that inspires me to want to do 30 miles on a Sunday morning.

By all rights, given my usual attitude of "ride it or flip it", I should have sold it about a year ago. Except that it's nice and original. And other than finding a collector of vintage bikes (most of whom already have one), the probably buyer would be a college student.

And kittens would die.

I have a feeling once I finish the next project (a three year old Trek Pilot), the UO-8 is going to get hung in the attic until it either hits 50 years old, or the fixie craze dies.

BigPolishJimmy

Nothing of value to add to this but perhaps a chuckle. All this talk of artwork reminded me of the thought I had the other night before dosing off. I told my poor wife about it--she hears far too much bicycle talk--the idea is to completely dissassemble a junk bicycle and then take it to a local college bike rack and chain everything that you still can to it, wheels, frame, innertubes, tires, fenders etc. and then leave the remaining pieces in a pile there on the ground. The idea is yes, you could steal it if you first cut the chain and then re-assemble all the odd pieces

Poguemahone

No, no. Calling an Irishman English is infinitely more dangerous. Ask the little French Canadian guy who called me English at the Museum of Man in Hull.

Batman_3000

How funny, and terribly sorry if I caused any offence. It's just that as an Englishman, I know that Irish, Welsh and Scots are all the same, so I thought the same thing went for Canadians and Americans.

Marrock

Just so you know, the best way to get yourself out of a hole is not to keep digging it deeper...