Ratchet

Last spring I started commuting again, almost without fail for 9+months. I was all geared up, and even built a winter commuter myself from a 1989 Trek 800 with awesome components (for a winter bike, that is). I had all the winter threads, and was so motivated.
Then my dad died in early December and I've only ridden three times since then. Every time I ride my bike it makes me sad, and I don't want to give up any more precious time with my family.
I miss it, but not enough to ride. I am sad.

1nterceptor

Sorry for your loss.........

SlimRider

Dear Ratchet,

I respectfully extend my condolences to you and your family for one of your deepest losses.

- Slim

PS.

I lost my mother in November of '08....You never really get over it. The blow just softens a bit, until you can once again, stand up and dive back on the ole merry-go-round...

We all must muster enough strength to dive back on, though...

wwiding

There's wisdom in Slims post. I lost my mom in high school, and my dad passed last January. When I was having a difficult time with this, I had to pull myself away from the thoughts of their deaths and think of all the good times instead. Their death was one of the few bad memories I have of them, but I have plenty of good ones.
You don't need to get on the bike now, or even tomorrow. Take your time, and remember we're here when you need us.

ultimattfrisbee

I'm sad to hear about your dad. Take your time. I don't think grief can be rushed. When you're ready, the bike will still be there. Winter can be so bleak, anyway. Spring is a time of renewal, and maybe you'll wake up one morning when the sun's out, new life is emerging everywhere, and find you can't wait to get up on your bike. Until then, or whenever that happens, hang in there, Ratchet.

tarwheel 

Sorry for your loss. Do you associate bike riding with your dad? I'm curious why riding would make you sadder.

Grief is something that takes a while to get over. For me, it helps to stay active, but everyone's different.

Phil_gretz

Ratchet,
I’m sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing. Mine died in 1993, when I was 44 years old. I wasn’t ready to lose him. Frankly, I was thrown “out of whack” for about five years.
As others have said – allow yourself the chance to grieve. Don’t expect the new “normal” to feel like the old one did. It’ll take time. As men, we often can’t really tell what we’re feeling and why – and we don’t typically talk about these things. It’d be good if you could find one or two men that you trust (and are willing) and talk with them regularly about how you’re doing.
You’ll want to explore why certain activities bring the grief into closer focus than other activities do.
Continue to love your family and those closest to you. Hold all things loosely.
Best regards,
Phil G

locolobo13 

Sorry to hear that Ratchet. My Dad died in Dec '09. Biking didn't bother me but other things did. As others said give it time. But don't give up on yourself either. When you're ready to get back in the saddle try remembering the good things. We still miss him but we can remember and smile over the good times.

Artkansas 

Sorry about your Dad's passing. Don't sell that bike you built. Give yourself 6 months to work through it. Next winter you may be back at it.

Biking can be good in recovery. It gives you time to think, it gives you time to just be in the present. It gives you exercise so that you can live a strong meaningful life. So in some ways it will add to the time you have with your family because you mix the exercise time with transportation time and add years to your life.

Don't be a stranger. You're always welcome here.

bergerandfries

My dad died December 9th, 2011 so while I'm different than you, I am the same in that way. It's been a tough go, but dad was suffering, and is not anymore, and that helps with my grief process. Every day is a little better for me, and I hope for you too. The only place I have that is 100% sane for me anymore is on my bicycle, but with five kids, you might guess it's more than just dad's passing. Go easy on yourself, take care of yourself, and don't fear needing to reach out for help with depression. There's a whole group of people out there that can help you with counseling and even medication. Whatever it takes to get over the hump in a healthy, non-self-medicating manner, do it for yourself, those around you that love you, and your dad.

Peace!
b&f

DiabloScott

Most of us can relate to the grieving process. Everybody handles it differently.

I can't imagine, for me, that not cycling would make the grieving go any easier. I can't imagine not cycling at all.

subzeroLV

I lost my dad almost 10 years ago. You never truly get over it, but it does hurt less over time. The one thing that really helps me is believing that he's watching over me. I even smell his cookies from time-to-time. He loved to cook.

My condolences on your loss.

modernjess

My deepest sympathies go out to you. Time is your friend right now. The sadness never goes away of course, but over time it gets replaced with fond memories and strength that you can draw upon to overcome more things you've never imagined. If you cant ride now don't worry about it. Take your time, it'll come back if you want it to.

It happened to me in 2009, we endured a 9 month elder care ordeal with one complication after another which mercifully ended peacefully for him. Due to the circumstances though I was forced to ignore the bike a lot during that time, and then the sadness and life changes turned it into a lazy habit. But it came back, I remembered that I love riding and I need to ride for my sanity and it represents normalcy. That's what he would want for me.

pauschl

+1
I see what you're saying... that you feel you should spend the time with your family instead of on the bike. I understand that but your feelings may come around. We all need (some more that others) time alone so that our time with loved ones is richer. The bike CAN help with that. Or not. Maybe you will someday ride with a new attitude and more enjoyment and have a deeper relationship with your family because of this loss.

Carry on.
Peace to you.
paul

colleen c

Sorry for your loss. My dad past away 6 years ago and it took me several years to overcome the sadness. If there is one thing that helps me to keep pedaling was a ride I did several years ago. I dedicated a ride to the Cemetary with flowers strap to my rack on my bike. That was the most memorial ride I had on my bike (I think somewhere here in BF, I posted a thread about it). Since then I did several more ride to the other side of the city where the Cemetary is located. It's the little stuff like this that helps associate riding a bike for a good cause.