Rowan

It's funny in a way. The "bad" rides are the ones we remember the most, and tell others about. Usually, because we have been up to the challenge (bad weather, mechanical issue, general feeling of yuck).

Rowan

Yes, I'd be counting my blessing if I was Biker86. He's avoided the nasties that go with wrong choices, doesn't have child support to pay, and is putting the rejection issues aside.

I know that cycling was important to me with my last relationship break-up, and it was more than four years of living alone and almost dateless before I hooked up with Machka, who of course, also happens to be a cyclist (and lived on the other side of the world!).

Biker86 could look at joining up with a bike club of some sort. I know social bike clubs are rare in North America, but they may exist in New Hampshire, and the LBS might be a starting point to finding out.

bovine

Presumably, that was before Tender had been invented. And it helps living in a metro area rather than in Bumpkinsville.

Stucky

Hehe, funny thing about rejection, is that one realizes later on, that the rejectors were doing them a BIG favor, and keeping them the consequences of their own bad decisions!

Yours and Machka's scenario is a GREAT example of not settling for whatever-is-available-right-here-right-now; but of finding someone who is 100% right for you, and making it happen! We need to hear of more stories like that, as they truly inspire those who are single and looking, to hold-out for and go the extra mile for the real thing, instead of just settling for the clones on the local dating scene, and ending up like everyone else around them. I see so many guys in their 40's and 50's who are truly living lives of quiet desperation....because of choices they made in their 20's and 30's. (And it seems that most women start losing their beauty around 35- so one had better make sure that there's more there than just beauty!)

I lived in NYC in my dating years..... (Had I lived in Bumpkinsville at that time, I might have met someone suitable! Meh...I doubt it though...one sees the same thing here. It's our culture- it ain't what it used to be.)

bovine

And thank goodness for that.



Edit: for clarity's sake: not terribly impressed with good 'ole days wistfulness.

hkumar1

Biking is a great exercise. It is great to help you with stress as well. You can ride your bicycle either in the morning before work, or an hour before dinner time or even on weekends to get your mind off work and to develop healthy habits. Cycling is great for staying fit, healthy and stress management

biker86

Just back from a 2 hour ride today and I feel absolutely fantastic! Went from learning how to ride a bike again, to barely making beyond 15 minutes before I felt like I was going to vomit to now 2 hour rides and feeling great after.

rudypyatt

biker86, let me add to the chorus and say, "well done!" I got waylaid by depression in my 30s, and I've had similar issues (including weight!) you're talking about. But the joy of riding is joy like no other!

Rsmith11

Awesome stuff man, way to go

GovernorSilver

Excellent!

puckalish

Wow, there's a bunch going on in this thread...

I just love that religion is the cure and the idea that "females" are the source of depression both popped up in short order, lol... I mean... "females."

Anyways, I want to chime in as well to say kudos! Riding just feels really good, you can accomplish stuff while you're doing it, and it's good for you... kind of an all-around win. And I'd echo the "keep it fun" sentiment... the more you enjoy riding, the more you'll ride and so begins the domino effect.

And realize that the depression isn't gone, you just have another tool with which to manage it... so, don't feel let down the first time a ride doesn't clear the clouds... just keep going, focus on your breath, and try to let go of any thoughts for that ride... if you still feel like crap, that's totally normal. Take a break and get back on later or tomorrow.

On another note, I think a lot about the solitude of pedaling... and of this passage in Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet about sitting with sorrow and letting it pass through you. I don't know about anyone else, but I find that cycling gives me the space, when I'm screwed up, to work through what I'm feeling and let go of some of it without the rest of the world, or even my distracted mind (since it's so focused on breathing and making it up that stupid incline), intruding, even if just for a while.

Finally, back to the dating and religion stuff... A lot of the strength of organized religion is faith in being loved... and, with or without that faith, we often go looking for some ultimate validation outside of ourselves, right? So, I think it's important to work on loving yourself, taking care of yourself... cycling is a great start, but, shoot, take yourself out to eat somewhere nice, check out some beautiful rides and hikes around where you live, find out what else *you're* into... Forget everyone else for a minute.

I mean, you deserve it... it's really hard to take that first step toward living healthier... like, really hard... and you did that. So treat yo self!


Really, I'm dying here at "females..." I mean, people are a mess... we want to find the perfect partner without perfecting ourselves and then are shocked when our perfect partner (whom we've picked, and who's picked us, according to some socially conditioned superficial nonsense) isn't perfect... anyways, I've found it helpful to get to know myself and what I'm looking for and what I have to give. Like, write the stuff out... it can be really helpful.

Another thing I take from the Rowan/Machka story is that it's important to meet folks who share passions with you... cycling, in that case... which is another reason it's really good to get to know yourself better and embrace those things about which you're passionate.

biker86

I'm getting the distinct feeling that you are intentionally making fun of me because women have been one of many sources to my depression. If you are, please do me a favor and exit my thread.

bovine

I wouldn't read too much into it. Molten was the one who used the term, and he's always struck me as an English as a second language poster due to how disjointed (and, sorry, incoherent) some of his posts are.

puckalish

Biker86, you completely mistook what I meant and apologies for not being more clear...

I was more commenting on the other commenter and how, when I hear women refer to men as "males" or men to women as "females," there's often some fundamental misunderstanding of the other involved.

I do hope you read the rest of my comment... I have a lot of respect for the steps you're taking and didn't mean to offend. I'll totally step out now, though. No problem.

biker86

Well they *are* the technical words for both sexes.

bovine

Yeah, but when I see "females" in this context on the screen I hear them in a frat boy voice in my mind because the word has been coopted by d-bags as of late. Totally get where puckalish is coming from on this one.

I think molten used the word because, as I said, it appears as if English isn't his first language, which is fine; if I tried to converse in a non-English language you'd have to take what Google Translate spat out.

Rowan

The Rowan/Machka story is somewhat deeper than just a shared passion in cycling, and that's where a degree of caution is needed -- while there might be a common interest, there needs to be compatibility in other aspects of the respective lives, probably starting with respect and tolerance.