Cyclaholic

She's damaged goods, buddy. Have you figured out that much yet?

She's bouncing from bf to bf and I suspect its not her that does all the dumping. In terms of this wordplay b.s. with the menu and whatever, play her like a violin (like she's playing you, or haven't you worket that out either?) say what she wants to hear, who knows you might score? either way she's nothing but target practice and if something better comes along in the meantime just take her out with the rest of the garbage. Capish?

Blue Order

I think you should take all the cynical advice you're receiving with a grain of salt. She's being upfront with you-- she doesn't want you for a boyfriend. She does want you for a friend. Does every male-female "friendship" have to be romantic? If not, why is it necessary to play games with her? People here are advising you to be an a-hole. Don't do it. If you can't help yourself and you already have feelings for her that prevent you from being friends, then tell her. But don't turn yourself into an a-hole like people are advising you to do.

rs_woods

What if the situation is reversed? The issue I have is that i dont talk about my transportation, but girls bring it up to me and try to force me to talk about it. the flirty girls at work especially, the preachy types, trying to get me to get a car for whatever silly reason...

yendor28

thanks guy!

I am gotten to a point in my life where I can take advice, especially overwhelmingly clear advice like this. It has taken me a while to accept objective analysis but I will.

thanks

cabana 4 life

once again i feel your pain, i have my own update.i flew to nashville to see her. it was cool and kinda akwerd at times. i left on a good note. when i got home we still sent text messages and what not, till one day i get a call, she tells me she kissed another guy and dosent know what to do. then i get the "we should be friends" thing. i dont know what to do i mean shes super cool and is what a call "a good friend"but damn, to think she going out with other guys sucks. so i feel ya, what to do? i just talked to her on the phone and shes all like nothing ever happend. i dont know. girls?

cyclerevolution

My advice after viewing this thread pop up over the past weeks is simple: be direct. Many people I know seem to have developped these really casual attitudes when interested in someone and then wonder why "it's not going anywhere"... Yes, there is something to be said for "playing it cool" but if you like someone and want to make something out of it, you've got to make those steps and put yourself on the line (and yes, it is really hard). It has worked well for me in the past, even when a relationship has not worked - at least there's communication. I'm not saying there's no room for mystery and excitement, far from it, but (step up on soapbox) we're all so afraid these days of expressing ourselves and our emotions that we end up in these dysfunctional situations that could so easily be resolved if we communicated (okay, I'm done).

At the same time, when someone is clearly not interested you can spare yourself the embarassment, and move on... unless your smitten (in which case, ouch).

I'm not saying that the OP is necessarily doing this, but that's the sense I've gotten - my apologies if I offend or this is not the case.

Cabana, that is unfortunate... but distance relationships are rough. If you love her - do something!

gizem310

Don't underestimate the power of change. When I met my now-husband, he was driving a gas-guzzling sports car. Then he switched to a brand new SUV! He used to say that he loved the new car smell!
Fast forward to three years later. The SUV is gone, hubby an avid bicycle commuter, as green as Kermit!
There are a lot of diamonds in the rough out there...

Blue Order

So my girlfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser because I don't own a car. Never mind that I live in a city where a car isn't essential, and never mind that I'm on a student budget. Anyway, yesterday, I found the environmentally car I've been hoping for-- it will be available in two years. I figured that's enough time for me to graduate, find a job, and start saving money towards a car. So I tell my girlfriend about my car plans, and I make it clear that she can drive the car because I'll ride my bike.

And then she said she'd rather ride with me...

yendor28

UPDATE:

So we got together (some nice loving ) over the XMAS break. Magic. We get along great and there is a LOT of chemistry.

The girl's priorities and directions are a bit wacky at the moment so i have stepped back. Very nice experience though regardless of how it pans out.

vendorz

Go hard, young man...

I almost posted here before when you were talking about it... it sounded to me like you could get somewhere by playing this young woman (that is, she was flirting in her own funky fashion)... it just wasn't clear that you could get to the long-term relationship it sounded like you wanted.

Intentionally or not, you were playing it properly by being cool and letting her chase you.

dee-vee

I feel your pain. I have been trying to find a vegan, car free, non liberal chick for a while. I don't think they exist.

yendor28

new update:

doh!

Hey,

Hope you had a GREAT holiday! What did you get up to?

Time for you to give me your take on my life below The feminine inside handbook as to what actually happened


OK.


I was with this girl over the summer break. 2 weeks and some nice loving many many times. A massive push – pull relationship.



Eg. We met and went out a couple of times and got along great about 2 months ago. Then she calls it off because she is in a relationship – SURPRISE 1



I stop following and she gives me a call some weeks later to catch up. We do and have a great time. She tells me out of no-where that she is a man destroyer and that although she is breaking up with her boyfriend, for me not to get any ideas. – SURPRISE 2



I leave it a while then send a hello message. We catch up a couple of times and have a good time but nothing happens and she is super cold. I flirt openly and then she says if I am to flirt then she cannot hang around me. I say fine, nice knowing you and all the best because I do like her. Next day she calls me up and we go down to the beach and she is ALL OVER ME. Kissing me all over – SURPRISE 3



Then she calls me up a day or two later (Xmas eve) to catch up. We go to the beach. Kiss a lot passionately. Then she gets cold feet and calls it off. She does not want to go further. Really frustrated me considering how well we got along and the fact we had great chemistry but I said fine and told her to check this out. I then showed her my phone and me deleting her phone number – SURPRISE 4



I contacted her again and organise to catch up.* I bizarrely have an awesome memory for phone numbers. Seriously. We end up having AWESOME s-x. Ridiculously good for her the lucky girl J We catch up about 3 times that week and have s-x about 10 times amongst some other passion. We get along great and go to the beach and have dinner then some nice loving. Life is good. Then after I pleasured her on New Years Eve, she gets a message from her supposed bf interstate. I am like ‘What?’, I thought you broke up. She said ‘no’, that is why I feel so bad about this. Sidenote: She did not seem to feel that bad mere hours before when she was screaming in ecstasy from me being inside her J - SURPRISE 5



I dropped her home. She tried to kiss my goodbye but I only gave my cheek. I did not call for a couple of days. Then tried to call one night, with no answer. She called me a couple of times the next day but I was busy. I thought I would do the right thing and call her back that night (last night). So she says ‘ I think we should end us’ I said ‘what us’ I did not know we had an ‘us’. Anyway, we chatted and I decided to be open. I said that I really liked hanging out with her and had a great time but did not like her chase me games. And that it was a shame that it had to end. I asked why and she first said that it was 50% her partner interstate and 50% that she did not think we were going in the same direction in life. *SIDENOTE, who splits things up like that!

Anyway, she then proceeded to tell me how awesome the sex was and how she did like me a lot. I said, something does not add up, what are you not telling me. She said nothing a couple of times and I spoke about something else then she said ‘look, there is one thing’. I am going to start seeing my ex-boyfriend again. SIDENOTE: I have no idea how many boyfriends she has. Ridiculous. *She told me she has slept with 10 guys. She said that of her own accord on Xmas eve. I was like ‘thanks for that’. Anyway, I said cool. She then said she has a friend that would love me, a massage therapist, and did I want her number. I thought for a couple of seconds then said ‘ hey, look, feel free to talk me up all you want but I think I will pass. I am going to focus on myself and my priorities in life right now and not girls.’


*Question: What was that all about? I don’t get it. Would you have said ‘sure, give me the number. Why or why not?



We ended the phonecall and I deleted her number from my memory. Or at least I am trying to forget it.



A shame but at the very least a really nice experience for my Summer holiday.



What are your thoughts?

cerewa

Yendor, that girl you've been hanging out with is bad news. She didn't tell you she had a boyfriend, and if you were her boyfriend she wouldn't tell you she had a fling going on the side.

I wouldn't trust a friend of hers either

Cyclist0383

It sounds to me like both of you are playing games and neither of you is mature enough for a serious relationship.

PSYCLONE

Dude, your first mistake was Nellie Furtado. Any man worth his salt, knows you should have been humming "Maneater", by Hall and Oates!

recursive

If someone wants to talk about transportation, I have no problem with that. I just don't want to proselytize. If a flirty girl doesn't like that I don't have a car, I suppose it's her loss.

nelson249

Seal tastes more like oily roast beef than chicken... just sayin'

JeffS

I wouldn't agree. Many women won't let go of the current one until they're sure about the replacement. I personally try to avoid those types, but it's still a reality.

I say you forget about all this "respect the relationship" talk and be persistent. If you can't, you didn't want it bad enough anyway.

Roody

She sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder.

donnamb 

Seemed a bit in that direction to me, too. Be glad it's over, yendor28. You really don't want anything even semi-permanent if it is true.

yendor28

thanks guys - good advice!