Helmet Head

Q: How come when you're riding a ten speed bicycle, when you're not pedaling the bike makes a clicking noise?

Submitted by Mike Walker from Deming, NM

A: Mike, let's get this straight from the starting gate. I don't ride bicycles. Ever since I realized how ergonomically efficient the bicycle is, I knew that I would be doing a disservice to our petrochemical and nuclear energy industries by participating in this form of mechanical subversion. If you could build a bicycle that somehow consumed gasoline or uranium, well, maybe I could be persuaded to hop on, but until that time I'll either ride in an automobile or stay put, thank you. To answer your question, that little clicking noise is a gauge put on your bike by the Communists who made it. It's counting off all the lost oil revenue, the money not going into American coffers because you chose to ride a Communist produced instrument of subversion. If that makes you feel a bit guilty as you ride, relax, it should.


https://www.drscience.com/cgi-bin/searchengine.pl (enter "bicycle" in the search box, make sure "Question" is selected for "search where?", and then click "Search!").

BroMax

It's not so much that he's anti-cycling. He has expressed some controversial opinions in the past and I think he is trying to cover himself now by being strictly orthodox, so he cannot be accused of being a subversive. Or maybe he's heavily invested in oil stocks. Maybe both.

Maybe it's just a family values things. People who use bikes want *****exuals to marry each other and teach evolution in the public schools. Dr. Science makes more sense than Rush, if you ask me.

CommuterRun

Nah, instead of Dr. Science that site should be called Dr. Satire.

Thanks for the humor link.

CommuterRun

Q. Why is it that some streets have potholes and some streets have chuckholes? Are they relatives?

Submitted by Mark Rickert from El Cerrito, CA

A. No. In fact, they're not even the same species. Potholes are reptiles, ones that live in the cracks that form in asphalt. They subsist on a diet of motor oil and grit. Chuckholes are rodents, relatives of hamsters, and they feed on rubber. Chuckholes are bold creatures, known to snap at the tires of a moving vehicle. When they succeed in tearing off a bit of tire, the end result is a flat tire, the kind not covered by warranty. So if you've got a set of 100,000 mile steel belted radials, stay away from streets with chuckholes in them.
Coming Next from Dr. Science:
Sun Size
Souls of Lawyers
Macroprocessor Research
Glaciers and Congress
A Cow Directional Study

Daily Commute

No. He was serious. We must all immediately send angry e-mails and letters to him and anyone anti-cyclist enough to air or sponsor his program.

recursive

The people who said satire are correct.

I have spoken.

Helmet Head

I actually briefly considered adding a statement to point out that it's satire, but quickly dismissed it as being unnecessary and patronizing, since the satire was so blatant. Or so I thought. Apparently, I was wrong.

Artkansas 

Now if it were Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin or the President making that statement, I might fear that they were earnest. But let's give Dr. Science a break here. While I realize that politics of late and network news have destroyed the credibility of satire, we must try to maintain objectivity and perspective.

What does Bill O'Reilly say about it?

Daily Commute

You've both been snookered. That's his game. He speaks to his audience of anti-cycling bigots knowing that cyclists will be duped into thinking it's all a joke. Dr. Science is clever.

genec

He has a masters degree... in science!

Roody

I have a Master's degree in fishing. That makes me a...

Master baiter!

scarry

Satire over your head?

o-dog

looks like satire to me

but regardless of whether it's serious or not, there are a lot of people out there who will take it seriously

Daily Commute

Maybe satire about satire is over some people's heads. Personally, I start to get confused with satire about a parody of satire.

scarry

Isn't there a Monty Python skit about that?

John E

There is certainly a great Monty Python skit about Bicycle Repairman. (B.R. is also my wife's codename/nickname for me whenever a car, bike, appliance, or any part of the house needs repair -- "This looks like a job for Bicycle Repairman.").

John E

If anyone takes this OBVIOUS satire seriously, the state of American intellect is in further decline than I had feared.

sbhikes

How come some 10-speed bikes click really loudly while others barely make any sound at all? Are the quiet ones free of commie bug devices? Or maybe they're the ones running on gasoline? Wow, you learn a lot on BF.

BroMax

I wouldn't count on any device that does not consume oil, when an oil-burning alternative is obtainable, to be free of bugs. Remember what Dr. Science says! And if the clicking should happen to stop, it's probably because they can scan your brainwaves and no longer need to count each click. Anyone who ventures out without his/her Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie is taking an unnecessary risk. I'm sure Dr. Science would concur. He probably already has!

ItsJustMe

Dr Science apparently has a short memory.
I have the video from the 80's where Dr Science rides his "over 400 gear" bicycle to over the speed of light, to prove that your headlight will chase you down the road.

N_C

This thread should be in the jokes & humor room. Can/will the mods./admins please move it to the appropriate area of the forums?

roccobike

Hmmmm... Will the Aluminum Foil Deflector take the place of our helmets? And if the answer is yes, will we need to start a thread on Advocacy and Safety debating how much protection the Aluminum Foil Deflector provides that will include at least 400 posts complete with curses , threats and input from scores of statisticians who know nothing about what they are saying?

BroMax

I wouldn't venture a guess...but one can always hope.

dan828

It is impossible to use satire on the internets without at least one person taking it seriously.

lxpatterson

man we got some serious folk on this forum. i guess no one likes post ironic irony.

From the Simpsons:

lisa "are you trying to be ironic?"
cool lullabalooza kid "i dont know anymore"