Rick@OCRR

I was riding my mountain bike last Saturday; it was a lovely day on the trails above Big Bear Lake in the San Bernardino Mountains. I was riding a loop I’d ridden several times before and while not super easy, neither is it very technical. On what I know as an easy decent, I crashed. I have no idea why and that’s the scary part. I woke up on the ground, blood flowing out of my right arm (most conspicuously) and a feeling in my shoulder that I recognized as a broken collar bone (clavicle). One leg was still under the bike, but both feet were un-clipped from the pedals.

I didn’t realize it until very much later, but I had been unconscious, at least for a short time. The point of this post is that I am focused on retrieving my memory of the actual crash and would like to know if others have experienced this and how they were able to get their memory of the actual event (crash) returned.

To complete at least part of the story, I was able to eventually stand up, pull the bike upright and was walking it along the trail when a group (5 or 6?) of Marines (not on duty, on leave exploring the mountain trails) rolled up to me in their Ford pickup (Ranger?) and said, “Sir, do you need any help?”

I explained my situation and they very kindly offered to drive me back to the cabin my wife and I own in Big Bear. They put my bike in the pickup bed, strapped me into the passenger’s seat and we had a fine conversation (as my right hand relentlessly tried to push my left clavicle back together!) until they dropped me off at the cabin, about five miles later. After many thanks to the Marines, from my wife as well as myself, I was able to take a painful shower before my wife drove me to Big Bear Hospital.
The doctor there asked me if I’d been knocked out by the crash and at the time I thought I hadn’t, so I said “No.” After I was all bandaged up and wearing a nice sling, back at the cabin, I started thinking about it and realized I probably was unconscious, at least for a while.

But this whole lack of memory thing really bothers me. It’s as if I was just riding along (on an easy Jeep-road descent) and then next thing I remember I was on the ground. No “Oh ****!” moment when I lost control, no fighting to keep bike upright, no memory of what was obviously a very hard landing.

Oh, and the bike is fine. I didn’t even get any blood on it. Forgot to turn my Garmin off when the Marines put the bike in the pickup, but nothing tragic there. My bike is an old (’98) GT Zaskar LE that I got when I worked at GT. The doctor suggested that a newer bike might be in order once I’d recovered. Not sure if he was kidding or not.
They were also amazed, at the hospital, that I managed to scrape skin off both legs and both arms. Plus, I have huge blue-red-purple bruises on my left upper chest and left hip. For those reasons as well, I’m thinking it must have been a pretty dramatic crash!

So what do you think? Will my memory eventually return? Maybe little bits at time, maybe in an instant enlightening moment? Would a hypnotist help? Or am I doomed to wonder “What the hell happened?” for the rest of my life?

Note: I am 66, mostly a roadie and while I have certainly crashed before, I have always been totally aware during and after all the others. Is this an age thing?
Rick / OCRR

Note: My helmet looks mostly fine, just a few dents which look like they were caused by small rocks on the trail. The foam is not compressed and there are no cracks in the helmet shell.

Gerryattrick

Sorry to hear about your crash and hope you make a swift recovery.

A very similar thing happened to me two years ago. Crashed, was knocked unconscious, and woke up in the ambulance on the way to hospital. My helmet was smashed and I was diagnosed with concussion, some bleeding in the brain, and a lot of bruising on my right side, but no other injuries.

I still have no idea what happened, other than that a couple of walkers heard, but did not see, the crash and called the ambulance. I can remember up to about 20/30 metres before the crash, when I had just crossed a bridge and everything was going smoothly, but the fall itself, nothing.

I was a bit concerned at first that I could remember nothing, but the docs said I probably never would, and told me not to worry about it.

I got back on the bike a couple of weeks later (with a new helmet) and two years on I rarely ever think about it. Other than occasionally when I pass the exact spot, but that doesn't make me remember a thing.

P.S. I was also 66 at the time of my fall.

P.P.S. Don't listen to the doc about the Zaskar if it's not broken.

qpb52

I guess I might be most concerned that something happened before you crashed, that caused the crash--some sort of medical event. Might want to ask doctor for a full work up on heart and neurology, just to be sure you didn't have something significant happen that caused you to blackout before you crashed.

I hope you are recovering and well.

Looigi

Motorcycle crash, yes. Never got the memory back and learned from witnesses what had happened. I got knocked pretty dingy on a few bicycle crashes but not to the point I couldn't remember them.

gregf83 

Sorry to hear of your crash but I suspect you'll never have any recollection. I went down a few years ago riding with one other cyclist. I had a faint recollection of clearing his rear wheel but that was it. Don't know if I hit a crack or his rear wheel. Hit my head and was knocked out for a few minutes. Asked the same questions a few dozen times but no other adverse symptoms. Ended up getting a ride home from a worker who was near the accident. Managed to give him directions to my house but don't remember the car ride home. Never did remember what caused the crash.

VNA

Yes, I did remember the road where it happened, but not the cross road?
Ultimately I was told the exact place--Did end up with a concussion and I am paying for it with a "damaged" pituitary gland having to take several hormones replacements! Lucky, I did not brake any bones, although smashed the windshield, hood and front left fender of the car that cut me off!
The police report indicated that I was going 30 mph, can you imagine that on a flat road after a long day at work at my age? Only commuting officer!

OldsCOOL

Wow Rick, glad you are still with us. I hope the wounds and clavicle heal up quickly. In regard to lost memory I would keep recalling the incident and ride start to finish. Somewhere along the brainwaves you may have that "aha" moment.

prathmann

It's very common not to remember the last few moments leading up to a head impact. The only time it's happened to me was when I was 10. I remember riding next to a friend and seeing his handlebars very close to mine. Then for the next few hours I remember only little snippets: sitting on the curb by the roadside, being in the front seat of a taxi, lying on my bed at home, bright lights in the ER with a doctor asking me questions. No recollection at all of the actual crash nor of the times in between the above short fragments.

10 Wheels

I remember 16 mph.

Crashed on my head.

Don't remember the crash or the next three days in the hospital.

That was 2 years ago.

dachshund

A friend of mine hit a pothole on a descent and flipped over the bars. We found her lying on the pavement. She was out cold, helmet was cracked, definite head injury. That was years ago and she never recalled the crash.

Was your helmet intact? Seems like you must have hit your head, although I wonder if we go into shock immediately and that blanks out the memory.

big john

Several friends have had crashes where they remember nothing about it, and it never comes back.
I crashed on the mtb in 2007 and while I was not knocked out, I don't know what caused the crash. I was on a steep descent and the next thing I know, faceplant and off a 40 foot cliff. It still bothers me that I don't know what started the crash.
btw, sorry to hear about this and I hope you get to feeling better fast. Hope to see you on Mount Baldy sometime soon.

PaulH

You may have retroactive amnesia as a result of a concussion. As a fellow head injury survivor, I know that concussions have consequences. Some are short-term and can be dangerous; others are longer-term and can be quite subtle. I would advise contacting a physician. I hope you recover quickly from all your injuries.

Now, my story. I was a PhD student, enroute to class. As I sped down the hill to the university, an oncoming white Cadillac abruptly turned left, across my path. This presented me with a problem: find the combination of braking and turning that would allow me to evade the interloper. The car kept getting bigger and bigger as I tried my evasions. Suddenly, everything stopped, and I was looking down at the rogue vehicle. An eternity passed, as I wondered what had happened. The only possible explanation was that I was dead, and the afterlife consisted of eternally regarding the side of the white Cadillac. Eternity continued.

After a very long interval, the white Cadillac faded away. I was aware of pain and people's voices. I opened my eyes to see I was surrounded by a ring of people. I was immediately loaded onto a stretcher and carried to Harborview Medical Center.

I was told that I struck the car, somersaulted over it, and landed on my head on the opposite side of the where the vehicle had been, and that I had been out for about twenty minutes. For 40 years I have tried to reconstruct the lost second in my life, and have found there is nothing there.

There's a lot we have learned about head injuries since then. Take care.

MinnMan

I'm sorry to hear about this and I hope you recover quickly.

Someone already mentioned this, but have you examined your helmet carefully for evidence of an impact? It does seem quite possible that you hit your head. On the other hand, maybe this is just a result of shock, and you don't actually have a head injury. If you did, I'd expect that you would have at least some evidence right away, such as a mild headache.

The other symptoms of a concussion could take time before they present.

Darth Lefty 

I saw stars and decided not to get up for half a minute after falling on my snowboard. It was in fact my first day riding with a helmet, which gives some credence to that false confidence theory. Never any memory loss or missing time, though.

My wife has twice, since I've known her, had a lucid day during a fever, then had no memory of it the next day. I guess this is fairly normal but it scared me.

02Giant 

I know nothing about the possibility of recovering the memory of the crash, just passing along hopes of a speedy and full recovery.

canklecat

That's a concussion. It can occur without direct head impact. As we age our brains shrink and can bounce around inside the skull, so any hard impact to the body can bounce the brain inside the skull enough to cause a concussion.

I hope the doctor you saw did a more thorough diagnosis than what you've described. Asking a patient if he/she remembers being unconscious is almost absurd. Of course they wouldn't remember. That's the very nature of a concussion and short term memory loss. But the doc probably evaluated you based on other examinations that you might not have noticed, so I don't intend that as a criticism of that particular doctor.

After my mom got into her late 60s she had several falls, without direct head impact. Each resulted in a concussion, according to her doctors. Due to multiple disabilities her balance is poor, so over time she's gone from a cane to a walker to a powered wheelchair, because even though she's capable of walking short distances now in her late 70s, it's too risky to walk when she's out in public or taking the mobility impaired transportation bus.

In addition she's experienced multiple TIAs or mini-strokes, which may have precipitated some falls. These can be diagnosed later by expensive brain scans, but the neurologists say there isn't anything they can do about it other than try to prevent them with meds.

Don't count on retrieving any accurate memory of the event. Anything you do "remember" is likely to be a false memory. After his KO loss to Max Schmeling in their first match, Joe Louis later said he didn't remember anything after the first knockdown (round 4, I think). Louis survived until the round 12 stoppage on instinct and training.

Try to let it go, and focus on the future. Keep in mind that it's very common for concussions to result in bouts of depression, agitation and unusual behaviors, so talk with your family and friends and regular doctor, and ask them to let you know if you seem to have any delayed or prolonged unusual mood swings, behavioral issues or physical issues such as loss of balance, wobbling or stumbling while walking, etc.

BTW, I'm not a doctor, just as former nurse with a longtime interest in this topic. I began studying it casually as a teenager when my brother and I were amateur boxers. He was a more talented boxer but had what we'd call a glass jaw, and he was my first introduction to the effects of short term memory loss and subsequent complications after he was KO'd in an amateur bout. I had far less talent, but a granite chin and could spar with middleweights and bigger, stronger guys when I was a lightweight. The only times I was ever knocked down was from body shots while sparring, never from head shots. So I've always been puzzled by and interested in the differences between how people react to head impacts.

Boxers are notorious for sudden lapses into unpredictable and often violent behavior and substance abuse. For years this was brushed off as just symptomatic of the nature of rough guys who are drawn to boxing as a career. But I've known some of these guys since they were teenagers, and they didn't fit that stereotype. I'm convinced the accumulated brain damage leads to reckless and self-destructive behavior. I remember one particular local boxing star, whom I'd first met when we were around 15 (he had pro level knockout power back then -- he put me down with one shot to the liver in our first sparring session). Good kid from a good, solid family, never reckless or ill-behaved. After he won a world title about a decade later I went to visit him in the dressing room to congratulate him. The bout had been brutal, against an opponent with a similar bruising, battering style. Both men took dozens, maybe hundreds, of head blows. The fellow still looked dazed, even though he'd won and hadn't been off his feet. And when I spoke with him he suddenly looked very angry. I was actually afraid he'd regarded me as a threat, perhaps subconsciously remembering me only as a one-time opponent. I backed out after congratulating him. Later he suffered a dramatic and devastating one-punch knockout loss, shocking for a guy with his incredible ability to absorb punishment. Years later I'd heard he'd struggled with depression, anger, alcoholism and broken relationships. Since then he's sober, a devout Christian and leads a support ministry for fellows who've had the same experiences and struggles. In an interview he said the hardest challenge to getting well again was admitting that he needed help, and that the accumulated concussions were a factor.

I hope this doesn't seem too melodramatic. And I tend to repeat myself on this topic. But I'll take the risk of being a pain in the neck to encourage folks to take good care of themselves after concussions.

John E

Been there ... done that. Almost exactly 40 years ago I was left-crossed by a car on a 25mph descent. I still have no recollection whatsoever of the incident, beyond waking up in UCLA hospital. I think in many ways it was harder on my wife than on me. No one notified her, and she started calling all of the local emergency rooms until she located me, and all they would tell her over the phone was "multiple injuries." (Concussion, permanent "dueling scar" from a laceration over my left cheekbone, double fracture of left clavicle. I was more concerned about my first Capo frame, which had been bent back. I had it cold set back into position and rode it five more years, until the downtube cracked just behind the butting. I found my two current Capo bicycles 20 and 30 years later.)

JanMM

Glad you came out no worse than you did. Not having to be transported to an ED by a racing ambulance is a good thing.
Since you blacked out and have no memory of what happened, you ought to consider touching base with a healthcare professional again to have a more thorough neuro evaluation, if you don't think that was done in the ED. Just to make sure nothing is going on. If you're not having headaches or feeling fuzzy thinking, that's a good sign.
Is collarbone surgery in your future?

Insidious C. 

I had a wreck two years ago where I sort of have a blurry snapshot of the instant before I impacted the road, but no other memory of it. I can't say for sure the cause of the crash. More recently I had to stop mid-ride after feeling light headed (posted about that in this forum). I have concerns about these events being related- enough so to see the doc about it. So I imagine I understand pretty well the thoughts of the OP about not recalling his crash.

Loose Chain

Yes, going on six years ago I was attacked by pitt bull type dogs and the resulting crash shattered my left femur, cracked my hip, damaged my knee and resulted in a stroke and left me wanting to limp except I do not, just because I grimace inside with each step but refuse to limp. I remember some of what happened but there are gaps. I have filled them in with what people have told me reconstructing my memory, the human mind wants to do that, but those memories are not mine, they were planted in my head by others. The truth is I remember very little.

jppe

The very reason I only ride road bikes these days...........unless it's a rails to trails type of route..........started on Mountain bikes but after going over the bars a few times that was enough. All my MTB buds wind up in the hospital.

Best of luck on the recovery.

SammyJ 

Prayers for a quick and complete recovery!

Skullo 

Went over the handlebars and did a face plant on the street due to hitting the front brake only , my big mistake. I remember seeing the street coming in slow motion. Woke up face down in a pool of blood. A fellow came out of his house and helped me to my feet. Looked down and the cap off my front tooth was laying in the blood. Picked it up and put it in my pocket. I asked the man for a ride home, he replied he did not have a car. I said" I just need to get home". I got on my bike and turned around . That's where the memory loss starts. I remember nothing of the two mile ride home.
Part of it was on a busy highway with narrow gravel shoulder. Got home called wife and spent four hours in er. Stiches ,cat scan, x-rays. No mention of concussion at the er. That was on a Friday. Monday I went to my doctor and he diagnosed a concussion. My wife says I was not right in the head for a couple of months.
You need to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis of your condition. Also my helmet was cracked right down the middle possibly saving me from a worse fate. This was ten years ago. I am now sixty five and don't want to go through that again. Had to have physical therapy for neck injury also. Have pictures of me the next day and they are brutal.

a77impala

I did a face plant on a concrete path, woke up as EMT's were putting me on a board. Said I didn't want to go to hospital, he replied"I think you should because we can see your skull". The next time I woke up I was in the ER and they had made a rag of my new bike jacket! I needed about twenty stitches on my face.
I don't remember what happened to this day, it was ten years ago.
Hope you have a quick recovery!

Rick@OCRR

Thanks for all of the input everyone! To answer a few questions from the replies above:

My helmet looks new except for some minor dents which look like they were caused by small rocks on the trail. No compression of the foam and no cracks or other obvious damage. However, I may get a new helmet “just in case” there is damage that I can’t see. My jersey and shorts were not torn.

I did see a doctor after the crash, and felt very well taken care of at the Big Bear Hospital. The only thing was, I gave them some bad information (unknowingly so at the time) saying that I hadn’t been knocked out only to realize several hours later that I probably had been.

Fortunately, there have been no other concussion symptoms, not even a little headache, and very much my normal brain activity as far as I (and my wife) can tell.
The big picture conclusion from the majority of the replies: “I will just have to get used to not knowing what happened.”

Thanks to everyone for sharing their personal stories. Apparently, I am far from the only one to whom this post-crash memory loss has happened!

In a reflective moment, was thinking that (maybe) this memory loss is something that has been built into our human development over the years, i.e., allowing us to go on with life after having some dramatic event (physical/mental) impacting us, so in the end it's really a good thing.

At the very least, this theory may allow me to go one with life without “not being able to remember” bothering me so much!

Rick / OCRR