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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Old 10-26-19, 09:39 AM
  #13001  
3alarmer
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...in his younger, wilder days, he once sporked with Janis Joplin.
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Old 10-26-19, 10:04 AM
  #13002  
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Believes the spork is a holy implement in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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Old 10-26-19, 12:18 PM
  #13003  
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Showed me some nasty scratches on his left hand he claims are the result on an attack at KFC by a vicious feral spork living out behind their dumpster. He was very evasive when I asked him what he was doing out behind their dumpster.
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Old 10-26-19, 12:38 PM
  #13004  
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His Church of Spork Everlasting is bound by the belief that at any instant a believer holds a spork somewhere on the planet. Cross marketing with Panda Express and Foo ensure future growth.
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Old 10-26-19, 08:35 PM
  #13005  
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Was caught in a compromising maneuver with General Tso's No.1 Daughter.
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Old 10-27-19, 06:51 AM
  #13006  
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He orders Happy Family at his Chinese take-out and by the time he gets to the house it's soured to Dysfunctional Family.
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Old 10-27-19, 08:19 AM
  #13007  
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His neighbors wonder "what's he building in there" at night. Whatever it is, it involves a lot of noise and a lot of sporks.
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Old 10-27-19, 12:18 PM
  #13008  
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...he's never understood why his nickname in high school was "Dim Sum".
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Old 10-27-19, 10:42 PM
  #13009  
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Powers his electric spork with CR2032s when a D cell is clearly required.
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Old 10-28-19, 04:31 AM
  #13010  
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As he sits down in the KFC in front of his 3 piece special, Original Recipe breast, wing and thigh, green beans and mash potato-like product with a brown sludge, he utters his famous line "Hiyo Sporkie! And away!"
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Old 10-29-19, 08:49 AM
  #13011  
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...his invention of the carbon fiber reinforced plastic spork promises to revolutionize the human powered transportation industry. No longer limited to a single wheel in front, manufacturers are designing an entirely new line of products with two and three wheels in the forward position. The electric powered, sporked, multi-wheeled carbon fiber frame is what all the cool kids will be buying and riding in a few years.

Retrofit kits to follow.
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Old 10-29-19, 09:51 AM
  #13012  
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Is a vintage spork lover; a founding member of the C&V Spork forum. His sig line there reads "Plastic is really fantastic!"...
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Old 10-29-19, 11:38 PM
  #13013  
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Always one tine short of a full spork.
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Old 11-01-19, 03:32 AM
  #13014  
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Was caught with only a spatula once.
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Old 11-01-19, 04:18 AM
  #13015  
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It's well known at the grocery store that when he gets through squeezin' the Charmin he moves on to bruisin' the fruit.
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Old 11-01-19, 08:58 PM
  #13016  
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Was tossed from the supermarket for sampling the sample lady.
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Old 11-02-19, 05:20 AM
  #13017  
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Was tossed fro the supermarket for bagging the bagboy.
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Old 11-03-19, 02:07 PM
  #13018  
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Likes gladiator movies.
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Old 11-03-19, 03:34 PM
  #13019  
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Because he lives in Wisconsin during the Winter, he likes radiator movies.
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Old 11-03-19, 05:16 PM
  #13020  
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Picked the wrong week to quit lying.
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Old 11-03-19, 07:01 PM
  #13021  
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Was fired as a mattress tester for not lying (laying) on the job.
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Old 11-05-19, 10:06 AM
  #13022  
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...mistakenly supposed he was posting to the "Threadkiller" thread, instead of the "Lies" thread. One can only imagine the lies he's posted in the " Threadkiller" thread.
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Old 11-05-19, 01:10 PM
  #13023  
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All of his lies are reversible, just like his hairpiece.
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Old 11-05-19, 10:25 PM
  #13024  
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Wears a reversible merkin ‘cause gray is fashionable at the Tav.
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Old 11-06-19, 07:16 AM
  #13025  
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Makes a comfortable living just on tips alone working as a merkin groomer at the Tav.

"There are tips, sweetie, and then there are Tips" he explained to Bertha Few Stiffens, staff columnist for Parade magazine in a piece for Parade's annual The Worlds Dirtiest Jobs issue.
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