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Riding with a New Romantic Partner

Old 05-18-20, 05:24 PM
  #26  
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Do talk to her. Easy scenario: "Can we make our next date a camping date, you choose site? Bonus points if we can get there by bike!"

That puts the ball in her half of the court and under her control (in a friendly way).
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Old 05-18-20, 06:48 PM
  #27  
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I went about this from the other direction, because I've tried to date an outdoor oriented person and upgrade hiking to bike touring. I couldn't make it work. Finally, logging back into Eharmony, I specifically stated that if any interested ladies were not already hard core bicycling enthusiasts (or willing to become one), there was little point in contacting me. One day I noticed a profile in my age group that mentioned bicycling three times. After a few weeks of local riding, I explained one day that I considered the recreational riding we did (35 to 46+ miles, 2or3x weekly) to be "training rides" for the longer destination rides of bicycle touring. Now, two years later, we're close to our weekly high mileage, 200 miles of extremely rural roads, and waiting for the hotels and restaurants to open again.

Good luck. If you can make it work, it's a beautiful thing.
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Old 05-18-20, 06:49 PM
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Congrats on the new gf. Regarding bike touring with her: start with getting her comfortable on some short day rides. Borrow or rent an appropriate sized bike for her, make certain it is fitted properly. Skip the fancy cycling shoes, they will only complicate things for a newbie! But, pay attention (and $$) on a good saddle. I've been through this process with my wife and her sore butt really cramped her enthusiasm for cycling in any form. Good padded shorts and a female specific saddle made all the difference. Once you're riding let her set the pace and distance, prepare to ride short, slow rides initially. Bring snacks to share when you take breaks and take breaks often. If she enjoys the first couple of rides, she'll want to continue and she'll develop strength and stamina pretty quickly. Once she's riding regularly (like weekly or more) then look at buying a good bike, not before. As for touring, in time that will develop on its own. Do not rush this process!

I've been down this path with my current wife and I have learned what worked and what didn't. She'll never be as passionate about cycling and touring as I am, but after several years of preparation, we did spend three months cycling across France last year, so there is one data point of success.

Good luck, have fun!
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Old 05-18-20, 10:24 PM
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The trickiest part of introducing a partner to a new sport is understanding the facial expressions.

When you see the look where she wants to cause you bodily harm, it's time to stop.
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Old 05-19-20, 12:54 AM
  #30  
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Originally Posted by MarcusT View Post
The trickiest part of introducing a partner to a new sport is understanding the facial expressions.

When you see the look where she wants to cause you bodily harm, it's time to stop.
I found the sobbing through the intercom to be a give away.... good thing is you can turn the intercom off...


Then stop, and find out what's going on...
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Old 05-19-20, 06:56 AM
  #31  
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Originally Posted by djb View Post
You really made me chuckle.
Nothing like a non sequitur (sort of) to get a good larf
And 32 spoke wheels?
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Old 05-19-20, 10:00 AM
  #32  
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Riding with a New Romantic Partner
Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
Hello all!

I have just begun to date a wonderful woman and I would like to try to introduce her to cycling. I'm not sure she's into riding a bike as the relationship is pretty new but I have the idea in my head. I was planning for a cycling trip for one...me...but that's changed now.
Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
I'm now planning my first bikepacking trip for two when it can happen. Renting a bicycle sounds like the best idea to get her on something that will work as buying a bike is too soon an investment to make. I'll look to source a bike shop that can help out...I've got one in mind already...

Gear will be pretty non cycling related...I don't think I'm ready to go full lycra just yet! I hope to go to an overnight campsite within the city I'm in and I have a route all ready to go that doesn't involve many busy streets.
Originally Posted by CliffordK View Post
The two of you as a team... do you like bike shops or Craigslist? Thrift stores or Boutique stores?

Either head off to a bike shop together and try out some bikes and pick out one that you both like, or sit down at the computer together and start browsing websites and online ads and pick out a bike you both think will be appropriate.

If you have both a road bike and a touring bike, then get her both a road bike and a touring bike, or at least start with the road bike (or fast hybrid as mentioned}..
Originally Posted by schoolboy2 View Post
Congrats on the new gf. Regarding bike touring with her: start with getting her comfortable on some short day rides. Borrow or rent an appropriate sized bike for her, make certain it is fitted properly.

Skip the fancy cycling shoes, they will only complicate things for a newbie! But, pay attention (and $$) on a good saddle. I've been through this process with my wife and her sore butt really cramped her enthusiasm for cycling in any form. Good padded shorts and a female specific saddle made all the difference.

Once you're riding let her set the pace and distance, prepare to ride short, slow rides initially. Bring snacks to share when you take breaks and take breaks often.

Ifshe enjoys the first couple of rides, she'll want to continue and she'll develop strength and stamina pretty quickly. Once she's riding regularly (like weekly or more) then look at buying a good bike, not before. As for touring, in time that will develop on its own. Do not rush this process!...

Good luck, have fun!
Originally Posted by fishboat View Post
Perhaps you're putting the cart before the horse..or the panniers in front of the rack..or..
I lurk and read these personal relationship threads as I similarly read the Boston Globe mainly for the advice column. I took particular interest in this thread, because as I posted about my long-term romantic cycling relationship,
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
I got lucky during the Golden Age Bike Boom of the 1970s:...

We met in a college freshman course and our first mutual activity was cooking. I got the cycling bug first and she followed. I started camping and we learned together. I recall fondly our shopping trips together for supplies and equipment prior to our tours
We were in a relationship for about 2 years before I got the cycling bug .Not to be a Captain Bringdown,but is Sophie even aware of your intentions, honorable as they are? I don’t even get a sense of how long you have known her, how old are you both, and what are your life situations...students, in careers, or what?

From your plans and the maneuvers suggested on this thread, it seems you are in for a long term (and ? expensive proposition) to cultivate her enthusiasm for cycle-touring. I’m not necessarily looking for a response, just sayin’.

FWIW. Good luck, and as I also posted:
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
However if he relationship is good, and the camping works, but the cycling is not in the cards, I liked this romantic accommodation:…

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 05-19-20 at 05:05 PM.
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Old 05-19-20, 12:00 PM
  #33  
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Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
Riding with a New Romantic Partner I lurk and read these personal relationship threads as I similarly read the Boston Globe mainly for the advice column. I took particular interest in this thread, because as I posted about my romantic long-term romantic cycling relationship,We were in a relationship for about 2 years before I got the cycling bug .Not to be a Captain Bringdown,but is Sophie even aware of your intentions, honorable as they are? I don’t even get a sense of how long you have known her, how old are you both, and what are your life situations...students, in careers, or what?

From your plans and the maneuvers suggested on this thread, it seems you are in for a long term (and ? expensive proposition) to cultivate her enthusiasm for cycle-touring. I’m not necessarily looking for a response, just sayin’.

FWIW. Good luck, and as I also posted:
JImfromBoston...I guess I'll get into the specifics of the situations as it's good for me to put it right in my head...

Sophie and I are both near 50 in age. She's a professed couch potato but is really a fan of outdoor activity. We're both in average shape and I don't think she has any experience cycling. I've known her for three? weeks and we have met once. She lives in a fairly urban area in Toronto and I'm located outside of the city on the eastern border in Pickering Ontario.

I've enjoyed this thread out of all of them so far...when I read the comments I smile from all the past posts living on here. I think she'll get a new rental for her maiden voyage...if she wants to try. She's pretty up front about what she's thinking and will tell me if my suggestion to bicycle camp is something she won't enjoy. I know that we see eye to eye on a number of things already and we both would like to camp together when it's possible. I'm going forward with my cycling adventures for the time being but I want to the best of all worlds. Sophie is a great person and is open to adventure from what I gather...just need to determine if that adventure includes bicycles.

I'm excited by the prospect of having a decent relationship again. I've been dating off and on for three years and this is the first glimmer of hope I've felt for someone since I've been back from Vancouver. Thank you for your advice and well wishes.

As for a bicycle for Sophie I plan on going to a place called Urbane Cyclist...a worker owned Co Op in the city of Toronto. They have touring bikes that they rent out and I want to support them so I'll pony up the bucks for something modern. Fit is it. I'll talk to Sophie sometime this week when we're in person again and see if she wants to try at some point. I may break things up and go camping together first and see how that pans out. We're both into each other and I want to rush things and take my time and let them happen simultaneously. I feel like a kid at Christmas time waiting for Santa to arrive. It's a wonderful feeling and I'm happy to be in this position.

I'm thankful to be a part of this piece of bikeforums. I'm not a racer, I'm not fast, I don't have good endurance and I don't like riding long miles. I have found my niche and I will try to ask more questions and seek the hive mind. I'm happy to have found this.
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Old 05-19-20, 01:29 PM
  #34  
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Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
JImfromBoston...I guess I'll get into the specifics of the situations as it's good for me to put it right in my head...

Sophie and I are both near 50 in age. She's a professed couch potato but is really a fan of outdoor activity. We're both in average shape and I don't think she has any experience cycling. I've known her for three? weeks and we have met once.

She lives in a fairly urban area in Toronto and I'm located outside of the city on the eastern border in Pickering Ontario
Thanks for your nice, candid reply, @Chrisp72. Again, I don’t have any specific advice, but Toronto has been a favorite city of mine, and have posted about two visits that included cycling.
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
This may be one of the northernmost ride descriptions on the Metro Boston thread. For the past two days the family and I have been visiting Toronto, and I’ve rented a bike-share bike, similar to our Hubways. I think if you were to distill the best features of New York and Boston, you would produce Toronto, at least for cycling.

There’s the exciting and interesting environment of cavernous downtown streets, but easy access to pleasant neighborhood cycling. We stayed in a section at the periphery of the downtown called Yorkville, like Back Bay but larger and more elegant. Within about five minutes I was into a pleasant neighborhood of older but well-kept houses similar to Brookline….

My son was particularly interested to visit the various ethnic neighborhoods for which TO is famous. Though we walked and took the fabulous subway and streetcar system, cycling would be the ideal way to explore.
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
”Does your spouse ride with you?”

Not since about 1990.

Since our children came starting in 1988, I can recall one long ride pulling our two-year-old son in a trailer, and one short fun ride in on a quadricycle on Toronto’s Harbour Islands in 2014

˅˅˅˅

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 05-19-20 at 01:40 PM.
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Old 05-19-20, 01:30 PM
  #35  
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˄˄˄˄
Originally Posted by mcours2006 View Post
"Is Cycling Growing Or Declining In Your Area (U.S.)?"

Again,not U.S., but in the Metro Toronto Area I've been hearing politicians talk about a city that is more livable, that is, people can walk and ride their bikes to places, more green space, more pedestrian friendly, more trails, more bike lanes.

The current city administration seems to be quite committed to this initiative, whereas the previous one, not so much. I think because of this,bike use, in particular for commuting, has increased.

Political currents have a huge impact on whether bicycle use is increasing or declining
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
I have considered Toronto as a sister city to Boston, and to elaborate on your post, @mcours2006

Two years ago (in 2013) we visited Toronto and when riding on Yonge St. I realized how valuable were those simply painted bike lanes we have in Boston; Toronto had none.


Later on that visit, I met a cyclist and we exchanged tales of riding in our mutual cities. He told me about Rob Ford’s vehement anti-cycling stance.

Later that year I started a thread on A&S, since moved to P&R,”Conservative’s New Enemy: Bikes”
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston
… While in Toronto, I met a cycling advocate, and he asked me how Boston compared, and I had to admit urban riding in TO was a lot scarier than in Boston.

In comparing notes, he blamed it on the Mayor, who "drove an SUV," while I praised our mayor for his commitment to cycling, and even hired a former Olympic cyclist as a "Bicycling Czar."

It seems our Hubways Bike-Share system is doing well, while your Bixi Bikes is having some difficulty. Nonetheless, I was impressed with the number of cyclists I saw.
Originally Posted by Boston Globe
...But Ford reserves special venom for the menace called the bicycle. He is perhaps the most antibike politician in the world. In 2007,he told the Toronto City Council that roads were designed for only buses, cars,and trucks. If cyclists got killed on roads, “it’s their own fault at the end of the day,” he said...

He compared biking on a city street to swimming with sharks—“sooner or later you’re going to get bitten.” He once summarized his views in City Hall succinctly: “Cyclists are a pain in the ass to the motorists."
He died in 2016

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Old 05-19-20, 01:49 PM
  #36  
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I'd be very careful writing on a public forum about personal stuff, and I think its prudent to not share personal stuff about someone that you've just met, that would be a real no no.
what can I say, its the dad in me.
but I aint yer mom....
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Old 05-19-20, 01:53 PM
  #37  
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Based on what you have posted (You have only met her once in person) - I would have to say that you are in love and you may be in heat ... :-) Just let it simmer until You two MEET more than once. ;-)








Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
JImfromBoston...I guess I'll get into the specifics of the situations as it's good for me to put it right in my head...

Sophie and I are both near 50 in age. She's a professed couch potato but is really a fan of outdoor activity. We're both in average shape and I don't think she has any experience cycling. I've known her for three? weeks and we have met once. She lives in a fairly urban area in Toronto and I'm located outside of the city on the eastern border in Pickering Ontario.

I've enjoyed this thread out of all of them so far...when I read the comments I smile from all the past posts living on here. I think she'll get a new rental for her maiden voyage...if she wants to try. She's pretty up front about what she's thinking and will tell me if my suggestion to bicycle camp is something she won't enjoy. I know that we see eye to eye on a number of things already and we both would like to camp together when it's possible. I'm going forward with my cycling adventures for the time being but I want to the best of all worlds. Sophie is a great person and is open to adventure from what I gather...just need to determine if that adventure includes bicycles.

I'm excited by the prospect of having a decent relationship again. I've been dating off and on for three years and this is the first glimmer of hope I've felt for someone since I've been back from Vancouver. Thank you for your advice and well wishes.

As for a bicycle for Sophie I plan on going to a place called Urbane Cyclist...a worker owned Co Op in the city of Toronto. They have touring bikes that they rent out and I want to support them so I'll pony up the bucks for something modern. Fit is it. I'll talk to Sophie sometime this week when we're in person again and see if she wants to try at some point. I may break things up and go camping together first and see how that pans out. We're both into each other and I want to rush things and take my time and let them happen simultaneously. I feel like a kid at Christmas time waiting for Santa to arrive. It's a wonderful feeling and I'm happy to be in this position.

I'm thankful to be a part of this piece of bikeforums. I'm not a racer, I'm not fast, I don't have good endurance and I don't like riding long miles. I have found my niche and I will try to ask more questions and seek the hive mind. I'm happy to have found this.
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Old 05-19-20, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by djb View Post
I'd be very careful writing on a public forum about personal stuff, and I think its prudent to not share personal stuff about someone that you've just met, that would be a real no no.
what can I say, its the dad in me.
but I aint yer mom....
djb...Point taken. I've done my best to paint a picture of my experience with broad strokes and tried my best not to give too many specifics. I have tried to respect Sophie's privacy but I think that first names are ok, as long as I don't give out emails and phone numbers. I took a course in advocacy for those suffering from health issues and learned some of the dos and do nots of privacy. I'm no expert but I try. Thanks for pointing that out though as Forums are still a new thing. I appreciate the concern and I'll do my best to respect it.
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Old 05-19-20, 05:12 PM
  #39  
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Originally Posted by PedalingWalrus View Post
Based on what you have posted (You have only met her once in person) - I would have to say that you are in love and you may be in heat ... :-) Just let it simmer until You two MEET more than once. ;-)
PedalingWalrus... I agree its love but I haven't used the word yet. I've had my share of romantic experiences and realize that heat is a part of it too...if its not there then what's the point of pursuing a relationship? The pandemic is a good c*ck blocker so having a trist now is pretty much an impossibility. I want to feel passion at the beginning of something new. I agree that planning our wedding is a bit premature but for an interest that might be common if we try it together sign me up! Before Sophie and I physically met we were talking about camping in a small town where she lived before her current address and we were both up for it. If someone else reciprocates something it has an amplifying effect. Time is a good indicator of longevity and I hope we can be together for some time. I don't want to ask myself what if and maybe miss out on something special.

If she were to tell me I'm being too forward and thinking too far ahead I would back off. She has said that she will be honest with me and communicate accordingly so I'm going to test that. I'm at an age where my time is precious and I want to do something that matters. I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart...That's from a one hit wonder called The Darkness...

Maybe we can start a thread here on cycling and love that might steer off the beaten path of typical touring talk. I for one would like to talk about it. If not here than somewhere where its possible. We're all adults here...right?

I guess my point of all this is that I'm following my heart on this and acting the way I feel. Sophie has a good head on her shoulders and seems like a good communicator. I'm taking things as they come but I hope for something worthy for both of us. We do have a fair amount in common and we're looking for the same things...I have to admit we got into some pretty good conversations during our first meeting and I want more of that. To find someone you're compatible with and have more than one thing in common is pretty rare. To be in a similar headspace at the same time is even rarer. I've come to appreciate timing and meeting someone at the right time. It is spring now so let nature take its course.
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Old 05-19-20, 05:24 PM
  #40  
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IMO&E you should try camping together first. Several times. Or maybe some hiking and a camping trip. That's familiar territory for her. Explore her. The biking thing should be the thing you are least interested in. When couples recreate together, the showstopper is always control issues. Give her a lot of control. We are or were solely in control of our lives. The transition to shared control is the hard part. There are 3 hard and fast rules for newbies:
1) Compromise doesn't mean giving up the things you don't care about.
2) Talk, talk, talk.
3) If you have a fight, you leave the room, you don't come back. See rules 1 and 2.
Oh - and 4) She's always right. Which is true whether you think so or not.

If you disagree with the above, best think about all this a lot longer. Don't mess with people's hearts, I guess that's a 5th rule.
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Old 05-19-20, 06:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Carbonfiberboy View Post
IMO&E you should try camping together first. Several times. Or maybe some hiking and a camping trip. That's familiar territory for her. Explore her. The biking thing should be the thing you are least interested in. When couples recreate together, the showstopper is always control issues. Give her a lot of control. We are or were solely in control of our lives. The transition to shared control is the hard part. There are 3 hard and fast rules for newbies:
1) Compromise doesn't mean giving up the things you don't care about.
2) Talk, talk, talk.
3) If you have a fight, you leave the room, you don't come back. See rules 1 and 2.
Oh - and 4) She's always right. Which is true whether you think so or not.

If you disagree with the above, best think about all this a lot longer. Don't mess with people's hearts, I guess that's a 5th rule.
Carbonfibreboy...I don't plan on forcing anyone into anything they're not comfortable with. More time is important but planning is the name of the game now. It's all pleasant talk now that the world is shut down for the most part. I don't intend to start a fire and then walk away...I assure you my intentions are pure. We're both adults and need to learn about each other. The foundation is there for a great relationship until it's not. We both have our lives but we're willing to at least try...I've asked her this and told her I'm willing to put the effort in. I know there will be things that come up but I feel we can work through them. We have our points of view but I feel she has a good heart and sees the best in people. We're both upfront so far and the future looks good. Ultimately we'll figure things out with each other and spend time together.
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Old 05-19-20, 08:28 PM
  #42  
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Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
Carbonfibreboy...I don't plan on forcing anyone into anything they're not comfortable with. More time is important but planning is the name of the game now. It's all pleasant talk now that the world is shut down for the most part. I don't intend to start a fire and then walk away...I assure you my intentions are pure. We're both adults and need to learn about each other. The foundation is there for a great relationship until it's not. We both have our lives but we're willing to at least try...I've asked her this and told her I'm willing to put the effort in. I know there will be things that come up but I feel we can work through them. We have our points of view but I feel she has a good heart and sees the best in people. We're both upfront so far and the future looks good. Ultimately we'll figure things out with each other and spend time together.
Sure, start that thread. IMO this is as good a forum as any for it. Probably more cycling couples here than anywhere. Foo doesn't seem right. You are correct, cycling and love do go together.

In the group with whom I've been riding for over 20 years, there are 3 types of couples:
1) Been together for many years, ride together, sometimes 2 singles, sometimes 1 tandem, depending on control issues.
2) New relationships, hoping to become long term, been riding in the group for a while previously. This is the Peyton Flock effect. Pairings come and go.
3) Tandems trolling for either captains or stokers. Eventually these result in permanent pairings.

IME riding with someone really helps with getting to know who they are, inside. People talk with their bikes. That seems to apply to many physical activities, some, well, more than others.

The issues I mentioned earlier don't come up until the WOW has eased off.

The news from the love front is that cohabiting in the time of the virus is a hot thing but is for the duration of the lockdown.

Just having a little fun. My wife's on a Zoom meeting. We did 52 miles and 2750' this past Sunday on our tandem. Our cat's sleeping on our kitchen table.
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Old 05-20-20, 08:29 AM
  #43  
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Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
...Sophie and I are both near 50 in age. She's a professed couch potato but is really a fan of outdoor activity. We're both in average shape and I don't think she has any experience cycling. I've known her for three? weeks and we have met once....
all right, the doctor is in. five cents, please.


maybe just me, maybe i'm not the romantic type, but this really sounds sorta creepy.

you met some chick, online is it, talked a few times, met once in really life, and it's like
you're already planning your futures together, getting matching bikes, buying matching
dachshunds, dressing them in matching frank-n-furter costumes, already picked out
the names - oscar and mayer........

what is it with the yutes of today, crowdsourcing their romatical relationships.

geeze, just ask the chick to go on a bike ride already and take it from there!
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Old 05-20-20, 09:05 AM
  #44  
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I agree with saddlesores. I also think you should hope she never sees the two threads you started, she would probably run screaming given the fact you have only met in person once. Relax and take things naturally.
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Old 05-20-20, 09:34 PM
  #45  
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All's I know is that women appreciate running water at the end of a long day touring.
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Old 05-20-20, 10:15 PM
  #46  
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Originally Posted by Chrisp72 View Post
... would like to try to introduce her to cycling. I'm not sure she's into riding a bike as the relationship is pretty new but I have the idea in my head. I was planning for a cycling trip for one...me...but that's changed now. What's the best way to introduce someone to the concept of bicycle camping?
I'd take it slow. Particularly if not knowing she's even "into" biking.

Perhaps mention you love cycling. Casually point out, at some point, cycling's easily done with a couple of people, or more, whether in a group of cyclists, or on a tandem, or whatever, and that some folks do weekend light-touring and camping, etc.

But at this point it all seems premature, given it's unclear if there's even an interest in cycling, let alone cycling for days + camping + all the rest.

Could easily start with basic cycling. Then do a couple all-day, casual rides. Then perhaps progress to a ride over to the next town as a sight-seeing excursion, staying overnight then coming back the next day. If all that goes well, then doing the multi-day camping thing might be worth attempting. Didn't land on the moon with Apollo first time out, though; had to get all the ducks lined up in a row first.
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Old 05-21-20, 04:34 AM
  #47  
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Originally Posted by Caretaker View Post
Electrify her.
That makes a lot of sense ^.
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Old 05-21-20, 06:01 AM
  #48  
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Originally Posted by saddlesores View Post
all right, the doctor is in. five cents, please.


maybe just me, maybe i'm not the romantic type, but this really sounds sorta creepy.

you met some chick, online is it, talked a few times, met once in really life, and it's like
you're already planning your futures together, getting matching bikes, buying matching
dachshunds, dressing them in matching frank-n-furter costumes, already picked out
the names - oscar and mayer........

what is it with the yutes of today, crowdsourcing their romatical relationships.

geeze, just ask the chick to go on a bike ride already and take it from there!
Was I right or was I right?
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Old 05-21-20, 06:38 AM
  #49  
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Originally Posted by boomhauer View Post
All's I know is that women appreciate running water at the end of a long day touring.
the real deal-breaker is how she reacts to the haunting sounds of an accordion, in the forest, after midnite.......
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Old 05-21-20, 11:19 AM
  #50  
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Originally Posted by boomhauer View Post
All's I know is that women appreciate running water at the end of a long day touring.
Running water from the creek back to the campsite?
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