bakerjw

My wife is visually impaired and relies on me for virtually everything. We're both in our mid 50s and have been married 35 years. She was always a homebody and I was always one to be outside doing things. Oftentimes she would feel neglected. Then the day came when our oldest son left for college and very shortly thereafter, our youngest left for basic training. Empty nesters in about 3 months and it was a very difficult transition. We eventually overcame though.

Tandems are called marriage wreckers as well as marriage savers. There is a common joke about tandems that they will help a marriage get to where it is headed faster. When we went on our first tandem ride, we knew that iot was for us in the first 1/4 mile.
Some of the things that you mentioned with your wife are similar to mine. Her vision is poor and she does ride her own bike in certain instances but she really enjoys riding on the tandem with me. I control the shifting, braking, steering, etc... and all she needs to do is pedal and enjoy. Group rides are fun for her as she will chat with others without haveing to worry about colliding or hitting anyone. Our first few descents were frightening for her but she has gotten accustomed to them and trusts in my abilities to keep us upright and safe. We recently got our mountain tandem out on some gravel and jeep trails in our local mountains and she was tentative the first few bouncing descents.

Hope you can find something that works for the both of you.

Wileyrat

All I can say is I'm very fortunate my wife supports my riding. In fact, the last time I was was off the bike for a long time, it was my wife that encouraged me to get back into riding.

She may have an occasional issue with the expense, but I do my own repairs, and as she said, with me being diabetic, it's much better that I ride than not.

Bassmanbob

Bicycle commuting twice a week was one of the ways I've always tried to be more efficient with my cycling. I get about two 50 minute workouts in 25 minutes each. I would have to spend 25 minutes driving. Unfortunately, it also gets me home about 30 minutes later than if I drive (changing clothes and putting my bike away).

Bassmanbob

We have a fantastic dog. He does help the situation.

Bassmanbob

Agreed. I'm just trying to find ways to be more efficient and get the training in I'd like to. I will decrease my cycling time.

Bassmanbob

We've talked about tandems, but cycling in general has become a difficult subject. I may have talked about getting a tandem for us too much, and she has become turned off by the idea. So I don't bring up the tandem idea anymore.

Bassmanbob

Thank you for this. I think it's one of the most helpful things said so far.

Bassmanbob

I totally agree.

Bassmanbob

LOL. Yeah, I get confused people with that. I've played bass guitar in bands that play rock, classic pop, current pop, disco, Motown from the 1950's to the current day.

Bassmanbob

I appreciate your reply, but I think this would be antagonistically counter productive.

Bassmanbob

I like the idea of date nights. We used to do this; I need to start this again. We do excursions on the weekends to local gardens, hiking or other attractions. Date night during the week would be a good idea.

Bassmanbob

That's pretty funny. Thanks for the comic relief.

Bassmanbob

Again, I agree with you. I am trying to take the first step to this impasse. It has benefitted our relationship when I've done that in the past.

Troul 

This is good advice.

If what is explained is not what you see as rational & theirs no middle ground, time to do what will make you both equally happy.

Troul 

Have you've always been the one to initiate the first step for making things positive for them?

At some point, they need to be the first to step up to the plate. That's if they've never done it in the past.

puma1552

Geez man, there's a multiquote feature for a reason.

Phil_gretz

1) My wife comes first, so I adapt to suit her, and
2) She and I ride together often

Married 35+ years here...

02Giant 

I ride early in the morning while she sleeps or in the afternoon following work, while she is at work.

PGHNeil

Bob, your wife deserves your attention, but as many here have said the amount you actually engage in the activity isn't that excessive. When you're around her though, maybe you shouldn't obsess about it so much. Instead, find something the two of you can do together. I agree, sitting on the couch and watching TV isn't it - nor, unfortunately is riding bicycles. What does she like to do, or is she having trouble not being a mom or a daughter anymore?

Whatever the case may be, she clearly needs to talk to a professional and I hope that person can help her face her issues without fear of judgment. That being said, I'd go so far as to saying that her calling your activities (cycling, playing in the band) as being obsessions is just not fair. If anything, she's the one who has obsessions - or at least attachment issues. I don't think your cycling is an obsession. I'd call it exercise - and quite frankly if she's prone to moping the endorphins from getting away and doing it are probably contributing to keeping you sane.

That being said, I think now is the time to focus on the two of you as a couple. She certainly deserves you set up a regular date night, but even better is something that gets you both out of the mundane. When was the last time you two went on a vacation alone?

Machka 

Of course ... we're only getting one side of the story here.

shrtdstncrdr

She's on the musicians' lonely wives forum. It's like the musician's ex wives forum but without all the sordid pool boy stories.

downhillmaster

You have no idea what you are talking about.
When does OP state that he is not spending time with his wife?
250 miles per month plus some time spent on related activities leaves more than enough time for a healthy relationship.
Based upon your previous posts I am guessing that you spend twice that much time just researching the wicking properties of fabric and you have never listed about relationship issues.
And FYI, children come first. Always.
Whether they are still in your home or moved out.

Machka 

Flip Flop Rider

unpopular opinion here. go ride when you want and let the chips fall. life is short and will be over soon

FiftySix

Indeed. You ought to see what's being written on the forum the wife visits.

Just kidding around, bassmanbob.