DaveQ24

Hi, I'll ask this here, even though it's not directly related to cycling. It is related in a tangential manner, because it's about changing my eating habits - permanently - so that I can optimize my overall health, which, naturally, would optimize my ability to ride and to participate in other sports and activities.

I have been thinking about my relationship with food a lot lately. It's one of the last "big issues" I feel like I need to deal with before I can go forward with a clean slate and really embrace life in the positive way I want to.

Here is the problem I'm having with this - in a nutshell, I "talk the talk" about nutrition, but I don't, and never really have, "walked the walk" on a consistent, long-term basis. Yes, I've had a lot of successful periods in my life when I've eaten properly (which has a specific meaning and feeling to me, your mileage - and opinion - may vary). But, even then, I always end up falling off the wagon, and sooner or later, I'm back into old, unhealthy behaviors with food. Specifically for me, that means 1) eating a terrible diet, unbalanced, high in all of the things I know, intellectually, are bad for me - highly refined starchy and sugary carbs, high fats, high sodium; and 2) binge eating, using food as both self-punishment and self-gratification; and 3) eating in a haphazard, irresponsible, and very inconsistent manner - for example, skipping regular meals, making food choices at the spur of the moment or on impulse, making poor food choices, relying on processed foods, restaurant/takeout meals, even convenience store/gas station purchases - dinner could be a bag of cheese popcorn and a Monster energy drink - because I don't want to make the time to stop and get something better.

As a result, I've spent all of my adult life, actually, I started this as a junior in high school - perpetually either A) eating crap and gaining weight, or B) on some kind of diet program/plan/gimmick/scheme or other and losing weight. Not a big surprise, right now, for the past few months, I've been gaining weight, eating all of the wrong foods, too much of them, and getting very little exercise. I haven't even weighed myself in 2 months, and I make excuses for my weight when I've had to step on a scale at a medical facility.

I've been working with a psychologist for about 7 months now, and he has helped me to understand a lot of why I am like I am, and how that behavior is harmful and ultimately self-destructive. Many of the breakthroughs I've made have come after having a feeling that there is some kind of mental block, unresolved question, or perhaps unknown or unrecognized issue, emotion, or past event. I have that same kind of feeling about food and my relationship to it - there is something "there" that stops me from acting, behaving, and living the way my rational mind wants me to.

Like everything in my life, I can find a lot of irony, contradiction, and just plain stupidity in my relationship with food. Some examples - I know how to cook, I've spent a lot of time over the course of my life reading about and learning about food, cooking, nutrition. I have access to basically any food preparation equipment or device I can think of - my kitchen is full of appliances, gadgets, utensils to do just about everything and anything I could imagine. I have a nutritional advantage in that I love all kinds of fruits and vegetables, and I have four suburban acres where I have things like berry bushes, fruit trees, and a large vegetable garden, so I can grow all of the produce I want in season. I also have plenty of freezer space, as well as a pressure cooker, canning jars, etc, so I can make my own sauces, preserves, etc., and store them. Essentially, I have all of the tools and resources I need to "hit one out of the park" in terms of my diet/nutrition.

But ... do I actually DO any of that ... NO! I spend half of my time living on junk food (including the past couple of months, when it's been especially easy to justify because my time has been taken up with a lot of extra things on my schedule). I haven't cooked any kind of a meal for myself in months, and I haven't been eating any of the kinds of foods that, intellectually, I know are going to optimize my sense of physical and emotional well-being.

I also lie about my relationship with food, both to myself and to others. My binge eating, poor diet, and weight gain are a source of major psychological stress, embarrassment, guilt, and shame. I do all of the "bad" behaviors in private - the binge eating, eating pure junk food, etc. I would be absolutely mortified if, for example, someone saw me eating a Whooper value meal at Burger King, scarfing down a box of Dunkin donuts, or demolishing a quart of Moose Tracks ice cream.

Fundamentally, I think that is the core question - why are my actions at such cross-purposes to my goal? Or, perhaps I can state it another way - why do my emotions run the show, when my intellect should be calling the shots?

I hope some of that makes sense, and I don't come off as completely crazy! I know, in my rational mind, how I want to look, act, behave, and live when it comes to nutrition, exercise, and health, and I know, intellectually, exactly how to do it - I know what to do, I just don't do it. I am not really sure what is stopping me from doing it? But I'm determined to get to the center of this problem and break my food issues addiction, because that feels like what it is, once and for all.

Thanks in advance.

qcpmsame 

I'll make a suggestion, but this is something that you have to decide is what you are deciding, there are some here that feel suggesting a particular dietary/nutrition plan is imposing a religion on others.

Ask your Primary Care physician for a referral, or suggestion, to talk with a nutritionist. Or you can do some research about them, that are I your area, and find one that is into cycling.

Sorry, that is all I have, it took being diagnosed with stage 3B kidney failure to get serious about nutrition,

Bill

canklecat

I ate a very unhealthy diet growing up, with bouts of hypoglycemia that I still need to watch out for, although the bonks are rare now. We were very poor much of the time and the diet was high in carbs (pasta, rice, etc.) and low in protein.

While we didn't indulge in junk food at home I was often so hungry I'd crave sugary snacks and eat that instead of a decent lunch at school. That works for maybe 30-60 minutes, then the rebound effect kicks in and the sugar craving comes roaring back. Pretty unhealthy unless you're in perpetual motion like a hummingbird. Even then, humans need more.

On top of that I spent a lot of time with babysitters or in day care centers. Meals were rarely pleasant or anything to look forward too. School cafeterias were worse. I don't see how anyone can eat in noisy, aggressive and combative environments, like a bunch of animals in a cage. So I'd take my lunch money, run the gauntlet of thieving bullies, and buy a coke and sugar filled sugar coated sugar bomb for lunch.

Just due to luck of the genetic draw I was skinny as a rail and still have little trouble keeping my weight under control. There was a period of a few years in the early 2000s when I was 40 lbs overweight due to relative immobility after car wreck injuries, but that came off with minor diet modifications and patience.

At age 60 I'm back to nearly my amateur boxing fighting weight of 155. I eat pretty well and try to avoid the junk food. Usually I'll indulge only around hard bike rides so the sugar gets burned off.

What worked for me, to get in the habit of eating better, was an entire change in environment. I'm not sure anything else would have worked as well.

So, due to behavioral problems and the prospect of my juvenile delinquency morphing into more serious adult delinquency, I was shipped off to live with my grandparents at age 15. Different state, different culture, different group of family and acquaintances. Totally transformed my life.

My grandparents cooked well, ate well and were very health conscious. Plenty of food, no dietary restrictions, just an emphasis on the traditional family meal gatherings. I'd never experienced that before. I learned to cook and to enjoy meals.

At 18 I joined the Navy and, again, had access to regular balanced meals. That helped reinforce the habit.

While I don't have regular mealtimes and often eat alone, I still keep healthy food in stock, cook for myself as often as possible, and try to eat healthy when I go out. And I don't consider hamburgers or pizza unhealthy. I don't worry about fats or cholesterol in food. I've always avoided much salt and only this year realized I needed more electrolytes to cope with summer heat during bike rides.

Some of my cousins are morbidly obese and, besides genetics, the main difference without any doubt is their consumption of sugary junk. If I buy a half gallon of ice cream at all, which isn't often, it'll last me a month. That's a one day supply for one person with some of my cousins. Same with a package of cookies -- that'll last me a week. That's a single sitting for them, not even an entire day's supply. Add to that sheer indolence and it's a classic recipe for obesity, diabetes, heart disease, the works.

Another problem is the self-perpetuating defeatist cycle. They get fat because they eat so much junk. They get depressed because they're fat. So they resort to comfort food to cope with the depression. And around and around it goes. And the family members who aren't obese are alcoholics. They just find their comfort food in a bottle. Same mentality, same defeatist cycle.

The trick for many folks is to get into a different environment, away from the stuff that reinforces negative behaviors. But that isn't always an option for folks who are committed to families and jobs.

There may be other ways to break the cycles. For example, when my mom quit drinking after admitting she was an alcoholic, she also quit smoking at the same time. Even her counselor and AA sponsor told her that wasn't a good idea (back then smoking was still permitted, and rampant, in rehab and psych units). But having been a drinker and smoker, and a bartender, my mom knew the trap of associating the smoking and drinking habits.

She's been sober for more than 30 years without a single lapse. But even now she'll admit that when she sees someone drinking alcohol or smells the beer or booze, she feels a craving for a cigarette. And vice versa -- when she smells cigarette smoke, she craves a drink. It's incredible that she's resisted both all these years. But like many addicts she had to hit bottom before anything changed. I'm proud of her for sticking with it so consistently.

But my mom became obese by her 60s, weighing around 200 lbs -- and she's only about 5 foot nothing. Living alone, she ate too much junk. She got meals on wheels but those are boring and flavorless, pretty much the same boiled chicken, boiled broccoli, etc., every day. When I visited I could tell she hardly ate any of it. Unless she ordered a pizza or went out for a burger, most of her meals came from the vending machines in her apartment complex -- all sugary sodas, cakes, cookies and candy, chips, no sandwiches, etc.

After she became disabled and needed knee surgery, then began showing signs of dementia, I realized she'd need full time care. If she fell, I couldn't lift her and she was too weak to even help getting herself up. I moved us into a two bedroom place and took over meal planning and cooking. She gets plenty of good food but I don't buy much in the way of junk. Gradually she lost weight (down to 130-135 lbs now) and lost the constant craving for junk. She used to go through a half gallon of ice cream in two or three days. Now it usually lasts a week or more. Same with cookies -- she doesn't plow through an entire package in a day.

That's a pretty extreme case of revamping an environment. But sometimes that's what it takes to change our habits.

ModeratedUser150120149

Your writing gives the impression you are more interested in justifying your behavior than solving your problem.

If you truly cared and placed value on yourself you would be talking much differently.

No one can value you more than you do yourself.

gobicycling

Habits are learned in small pieces. Start with just one thing to change - keep a log - then change that one thing and practice that change until it is automatic. Then choose another thing to change. I.e., oatmeal with nuts and raisins and milk for breakfast, alternating with a couple of eggs scrambled with avocados and cheese. Get your breakfast under control. Keep it simple. Reward yourself in some way.


I used to run (and designed) a program for individuals with profound mental disabilities - teaching work skills. We broke each task into 30 or 40 sub tasks, and rewarded with praise the completion of each sub task. Eventually, the 30-40 sub tasks built a skill, and the individuals with disabilities would be very proud of their accomplishments. I.e. - vacuuming - 1. Find the vacuum; 2. bring the vacuum to the work area; 3. find the cord; 4. Unwind the cord - well, you get the idea.


Treat yourself just as well, but at a different level of skill building - for that is what you are doing - building skills of eating (and life).


Good luck.

FrenchFit 

A Buddhist would say you have a very strong attachment to food, and you are seeking bliss through food. So when you deny yourself food, you deny seeking "happiness" in your life.

I fast 20 hours a day, so I can't really relate. To me, eating is more of a nuisance most days than a delight.

I applaud your journey, if you get past your obsession you will be reborne into a new life. Best wishes to you.

NewATBikeComute

First off, glad you are doing well. You've gone through a lot this year. Secondly, when I saw the topic, I read the responses to see if anyone had already said what my main advice would be, and the above is it.

So +1.

shelbyfv

Another installment in the sad saga! OP's failures in life do seem endless. No matter how dreary things get this time of year, we can be grateful we are not OP (or his internet persona.) I've got a jug of eggnog in the fridge, going for it right now!

dmanthree

Well, the OP has two choices we all have: wait for some health issue to force a behavioral change, or make the change voluntarily and live healthy. Hint: nobody ever regretted eating healthier and living a better life because of it.

Your call.

Classtime 

You need to hang with people who eat/live like you want to eat/live. ( I suppose you could do this virtually on the web.) Watch some of those scary movies like Super Size Me and Forks Over Knives. Ride Lots.

berner

Assuming you can muster the will power to carry good eating habits into your future, you would see benefits quite soon. If you don't, and continue to seek motivation, I suggest you go to a public place such as a shopping plaza and spend time noticing the middle aged and older people there. A great many will be grossly overweight and the oldest among them will show serious physical disabilities. Perhaps not showing, will be an array of health issues taking root that will lead to extremely unpleasant or painful ailments that will plague them to the end and that end may not be far off.

berner

Assuming you can muster the will power to carry good eating habits into your future, you would see benefits quite soon. If you don't, and continue to seek motivation, I suggest you go to a public place such as a shopping plaza and spend time noticing the middle aged and older people there. A great many will be grossly overweight and the oldest among them will show serious physical disabilities. Perhaps not showing, will be an array of health issues taking root that will lead to extremely unpleasant or painful ailments that will plague them to the end and that end may not be far off. The issue is quality of life and extending that quality as far as the universe allows.

John E

I liked the advice to make changes in small bites (so to speak) and by hanging out with people who are a positive dietary influence. My wife and I are now reaping the benefits of close to a half-century of healthful eating. Both of us were raised on the Standard American Diet (SAD), but she started getting off of it in high school, and I started soon after we met at university. When we married 44 years ago, we reinforced each other's interest in healthful food, without being fanatical or extreme about it. Do watch some of the videos recommended earlier in this thread.

Maelochs

I don't have much time so ... this won't hurt much.

I was thinking about my own version of this same issue this morning. Interesting.

Mental balance. What works for me is finding what's out of balance and getting my life right. overeating is a symptom as you well know.

I refuse to "lose weight."

I instead stopped caring and started living better, which includes looking inside and listening to my body and my mind, seeing what I was thinking and feeling (and when they were sometimes wildly out of sync) and trying to be completely honest with myself and caring for myself and others (YMMV as you note.)

As I have started to calm the psychological issues which led to bad living, it became easier to maintain weight---to listen to my body and brain and just .. Stop eating at some point, because I had had enough.

I used to binge on eating and exercise. When I stopped exercising I hadn't dealt with my issues so I overate.

I haven't lost the weight yet (not all of it) because of injury and illness and lately, huge work hours and little time to exercise.

However, i have Maintained my weight whether I was exercising more or less. By being in balance internally, it is possible to balance my intake and maintian.

Now I can add a Little extra exercise, be a Little more efficient and disciplined (no bingeing positive or negative---no extremes) and lose a little weight---steadily. A few ounces, half a pound a pound---who cares? I am not losing weight, I am improving my life. Weight loss is an adjunct. If I focus on eating and weight, I stress and eat more. I just accepted that I was a tub of lard, and started being a more balanced tub of lard.

I weight myself maybe every two weeks ... it doesn't help anyway, so why bother? it is just more stress. I know some days I will eat a little extra just because I like to eat, or will be coping with some upset in my life .... but I know that the next day I will still be working on being a better being and living a better life. I know over time I will probably lose all the weight I shouldn't have gained .... but it will dissolve as a by-product of caring more for myself and others, and knowing myself better, and coping with my own crap, which helps me cope better with others.

I'd say you are right there---you know eating is not about food, and yo know you make bad choices sometimes .... when you ignore what you are really thinking and feeling, all that stuff comes out in other places, and often, that is excess eating (food has always been my drug of choice, even back in the day when it had a lot of competition.)

I still make terrible choices and do ridiculously stupid things all the time---there wasn't some switch i threw which magically transformed me. It is just that I chose to strive forward continuously, regardless of set backs , and to fix myself from the inside. I am taking baby steps .... but it is fine, because I know enough baby steps will take me forward past all the backsliding, stumbling, and falling and I Am making progress.

When I fall I just pick myself up and keep going.

I'd say you are farther along than you realize, and whatever anyone here says, you will just keep making progress.

Machka 

I don't have a relationship with food.

I have a relationship with Rowan.
I have a relationship with my parents, brother and his family, grandmother, other relatives, friends, and coworkers.
I had a relationship with my three cats.
I might even have a relationship with my bicycles.

But I don't have a relationship with food. That would be like saying that I've got a relationship with my laundry, the lamps in the corners, the carpet on the floor, my Christmas tree ... and it would be just weird to say that. Food is just a thing. It's just fuel. It's great that some of it tastes good but there's nothing special about it. Nothing to get emotional about.


Setting aside the strange way of looking at food (relationship????) ... this right here is probably why you think you can't change your eating habits.

Permanently.

That's a long time. That's like ... forever. That would mean that if you consider pizza "bad", you will never have pizza again. How sad. What a depressing way to look at things. No wonder you don't want to do it.


When I started with My Fitness Pal (and I recommend signing up with them), I entered my information, selected Sedentary as my activity level, and MFP gave me a certain number of calories I could eat. If I wanted to lose weight, I could eat absolutely anything I wanted as long as I stay within those calories. Do you know how wonderfully freeing that is?

And I don't have to do it permanently! I can stay with a lower calorie limit for a while, then raise the calorie limit to a maintenance amount for a while. And if I exercise I can eat some of my exercise calories back.

Of course, staying within my calorie limit does require some smart choices ... I have to choose things with good staying power, and that takes a bit of experimenting. But it also means that if I want that pizza, I can have the pizza. No foods are off-limits.


So toss out the idea that you and food are in a relationship ... sign up with MFP, and stick with it for 3 weeks. Not permanently, just 3 weeks. Then reasses what you want to do next.

Stormsedge

I've lost track of the OP, and do not intend to highjack the thread, sorry if this goes off track.

I tend to eat a certain way a day or three prior to any event requiring peak endurance---things I know I tolerate well with some acceptable level of protein, carbs, and calories---but I do not necessarily change my menu. Water intake a big factor and I will drink only water (and some coffee) starting a few days before the event. In day to day life, I've found if I stick to water and coffee, I'm better off as well.

After 50yo weight maintenance has been key for me (now 61) and I will never weigh the 152 I weighed 35 yrs ago---too many push-ups, miles, and weight plates since then---and now wish I could stay ~190, but find <200 an easier place to live...we have been using Whole 30 concepts off and on with some success (when grandkids are here we get derailed)...consistent exercise day for day ensures the effort eating goes to some effort working. That said, we do not torture ourselves...moderation allows a bite or two of anything I want, typically fulfilling the "I want" alert. Keep smiling.

Maelochs

I have a "relationship" with Everything in my world.

I have emotional relationships of varying degrees with my wife and my bikes and my car ... but I definitely have some "relationship" with my home ... try sleeping in someone else's home and see what happens. Walk right in and explain how there is no "relationship."

There are, obviously, different meanings to the word.... but if you (and I ) can have "relationships" with both animate and inanimate objects ... why some inanimate objects (which vastly affect our lives and how we live and every part thereof) and not others, which also do?

or your bikes ... or cycling ... or eating .... right? Might not be the way You think, but that is okay. if you can have a "relationship" with bikes (inanimate) and cycling (a process) the OP and I can with food and eating.


This is funny, because you Completely don't get this guy. I completely do.

"Eating" has as much to do with "calorie intake" as "Cycling" has to do with "calorie expenditure." If all it was was calorie math, we wouldn't be posting incessantly on this site, when we aren't riding (in some cases, ridiculous and wonderous distances) on our bikes. We wouldn't do either. Not the most efficient ways to burn calories

The OP eats for a lot of reasons, almost none of them having to do with hunger or nutrition except tangentially or occasionally. That is the relationship he wants to change. He wants to look at food as fuel and fitness and nutrition and health ... and Then satisfaction ... while he is getting enough satisfaction elsewhere that he doesn't feel the urge to eat too much, too little, the wrong stuff at the wrong time ....

Various systems in his brain and body are totally out of whack, and what food means to him is not what food Needs to mean to him, if he is to be able to eat like you do.

I think you have met a mindset so foreign to your own that you cannot even really see it ... you look and see a void. But think about this ... to my wife, cycling is about as meaningful as watching TV with the sound off and the screen covered. Can you imagine trying to explain to her why you would get up before dawn and ride your bike until past midnight a couple days in a row? Do you think the two of you would Really understand it the same?

To my wife, "cycling" is like "having a relationship with food" is to you.

You know what is Really funny? You spend quite a few lines describing your relationship with food ... but since you don't draw the boundaries of your Venn diagrams the same as the OP or I, you do not see that at all. What doesn't even exist to you, we can see ... because that is simply how we define things.

Telling someone "Think like me" doesn't get you far if the person naturally thinks very differently (For instance, If I demanded that you spend hours contemplating your relationship with food ... you wouldn't and couldn't.)

Of course, people who think completely differently can still communicate quite well ... and even though you and I look at both food ansd cycling very differently, we can both enjoy food and cycling.

Life is good from where I sit.

OldTryGuy

********** maybe just doesn't agree with it**********?

I have a relationship with my wife. I can make her happy and I can also disappoint her by making her sad or even mad at me. I can not make my bike mad or sad at me nor can I make food sad or mad at me.

As for all who have a relationship with food, bikes, cars or even a grain of sand that found its way in one's shoe.....what ever floats the boat. Just enjoy and have a good ride.

ironwood

Anyone familiar with Allan Ginsberg's poem, "C'mon Pigs of Western Civilization, Eat More Grease"?

If junk food and Diet Coke are good enough for the Leader of the Free World, they're good enough for you.

indyfabz