Cycling and Depression
11-30-12, 07:34 AM
#126
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The seasonal depression and anxiety as called "Seasonal Affective Disorder" (surprise there huh?) and can be very pronounced in some sufferers. Our daughter has this, her first winter in Massachusetts, at university, hit her hard. The university's therapist helped her with an Rx and several hours of therapy, on their dime, and she got through, with honors, just fine (private women's college.)
With all of the still present prejudice and misconceptions about depression and any other mental health issue in the public I am amazed that so many came forth here to say they had depression, SAD, GAD or anxiety issues. I take a lot of good feeling that BF can be a great place for ALL bicyclist. Thanks for this thread, I appreciated the chance to voice my thoughts.
Bill
With all of the still present prejudice and misconceptions about depression and any other mental health issue in the public I am amazed that so many came forth here to say they had depression, SAD, GAD or anxiety issues. I take a lot of good feeling that BF can be a great place for ALL bicyclist. Thanks for this thread, I appreciated the chance to voice my thoughts.
Bill
__________________
Semper Fi, USMC, 1975-1977
I Can Do All Things Through Him, Who Gives Me Strength. Philippians 4:13
Semper Fi, USMC, 1975-1977
I Can Do All Things Through Him, Who Gives Me Strength. Philippians 4:13
11-30-12, 11:23 AM
#127
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I rarely post due to anxiety. I was born during a civil war and lived the first 6 years of my life avoiding it. Our apartment was shelled frequently, so my crib was replaced by the bathroom floor, as this room was reinforced by piping. Friends and relatives were leaving in droves. My family was the last to stay.
We evacuated once, only to return and watch tensions and violence escalate. Finally after a few kidnappings and deaths of family and friends, we evacuated for good. In the middle of the night while waiting on the beach, the US helicopter descended and picked my family and a few other US citizens in a covert evacuation. I will never forget leaving my grandparents in their old age. I spent most of my time with them. Little did I know that this was for good.
We landed on the USS Manitowoc. One of my favorite memories is playing with the Marines aboard that ship. They said I reminded them of their own children at home. I will always love these amazing people. They saved my life and made me feel like a kid again for a week. One gave me a pin, that I have to this day and cherish greatly.
We physically moved to the USA, but part of what made my family a family, didn't make the trip.
I did well in school and went to a university. I broke my back my senior year when someone jumped on my me while I was watching television in a prone position, resulting in a fracture to the L4/L5. A hematoma developed and a week later I had a staph infection in my epidural. The pain was tremendous. Nothing helped. I started to punch walls because I was writhing. I also had saddle numbness and lost a lot of feeling in my legs. And my junk wasn't working. No one knew what was going on, so the doctors performed emergency surgery. They fixed me up and attached a PIC line to my arm for 4 months in order to administer the antibiotic. I had to drop 2 of my 5 classes that semester and managed to do well in the 3 that I maintained. Unfortunatley, I was not going to graduate on time so I would need another semester. I basically had to put great emphasis on my rehab and finishing up school.
* about 10 years pass *
One day the thoughts of suicide crept further and deeper into my mind and heart. I used to purposely injure myself in the past, but never linked this to any psychological issue. It is as if I had this inner rage that had been suppressed and it all came out. I had a lot of friends growing up, but I never let anyone really know me on a deep and personal level. I am not good at keeping in touch with people. The only way I can describe my life is mechanical, in that I was just going through the motions with very limited emotional connections being established. I found myself alone and unconnected. I felt like my life was too fragmented with no trace of a continuous fibre to connect it all together. A house of cards on the Takoma Narrows Bridge in 1940 is a good visual of the instability within me.
So at the mature age of 32, I destroyed my house's interior and some of the exterior too. My father wondered what was going on and came over and took me to the hospital with the police assisting him.
Now I see a psychotherapist often and take an SSRI. My doctor thinks I never fully dealt with my past. My family became emotionless after the move. My doctor thinks we should have allowed ourselves time to grieve. He says that in the long term it is not always good to deny any trauma and go through life as if everything is great. He says this is how I work. Tears are ok.
I am re-assesing myself and trying to start over at the age of 33. I have many doubts about my future. Currently, I am unemployed, live at home, and I wonder if I will ever be anything that I will be proud of. I do think I am becoming more of a real person.
When I run into people I am embarrased to tell them I am unemployed because on the outside I look fine and I don't want people to think that I am a failure.
I am very hopeful and I enjoy helping people and taking care of my pets. Nothing equals the cathartic power of riding my bikes. Thank you for this thread and I am sorry if this rambling is annoying to anyone.
We evacuated once, only to return and watch tensions and violence escalate. Finally after a few kidnappings and deaths of family and friends, we evacuated for good. In the middle of the night while waiting on the beach, the US helicopter descended and picked my family and a few other US citizens in a covert evacuation. I will never forget leaving my grandparents in their old age. I spent most of my time with them. Little did I know that this was for good.
We landed on the USS Manitowoc. One of my favorite memories is playing with the Marines aboard that ship. They said I reminded them of their own children at home. I will always love these amazing people. They saved my life and made me feel like a kid again for a week. One gave me a pin, that I have to this day and cherish greatly.
We physically moved to the USA, but part of what made my family a family, didn't make the trip.
I did well in school and went to a university. I broke my back my senior year when someone jumped on my me while I was watching television in a prone position, resulting in a fracture to the L4/L5. A hematoma developed and a week later I had a staph infection in my epidural. The pain was tremendous. Nothing helped. I started to punch walls because I was writhing. I also had saddle numbness and lost a lot of feeling in my legs. And my junk wasn't working. No one knew what was going on, so the doctors performed emergency surgery. They fixed me up and attached a PIC line to my arm for 4 months in order to administer the antibiotic. I had to drop 2 of my 5 classes that semester and managed to do well in the 3 that I maintained. Unfortunatley, I was not going to graduate on time so I would need another semester. I basically had to put great emphasis on my rehab and finishing up school.
* about 10 years pass *
One day the thoughts of suicide crept further and deeper into my mind and heart. I used to purposely injure myself in the past, but never linked this to any psychological issue. It is as if I had this inner rage that had been suppressed and it all came out. I had a lot of friends growing up, but I never let anyone really know me on a deep and personal level. I am not good at keeping in touch with people. The only way I can describe my life is mechanical, in that I was just going through the motions with very limited emotional connections being established. I found myself alone and unconnected. I felt like my life was too fragmented with no trace of a continuous fibre to connect it all together. A house of cards on the Takoma Narrows Bridge in 1940 is a good visual of the instability within me.
So at the mature age of 32, I destroyed my house's interior and some of the exterior too. My father wondered what was going on and came over and took me to the hospital with the police assisting him.
Now I see a psychotherapist often and take an SSRI. My doctor thinks I never fully dealt with my past. My family became emotionless after the move. My doctor thinks we should have allowed ourselves time to grieve. He says that in the long term it is not always good to deny any trauma and go through life as if everything is great. He says this is how I work. Tears are ok.
I am re-assesing myself and trying to start over at the age of 33. I have many doubts about my future. Currently, I am unemployed, live at home, and I wonder if I will ever be anything that I will be proud of. I do think I am becoming more of a real person.
When I run into people I am embarrased to tell them I am unemployed because on the outside I look fine and I don't want people to think that I am a failure.
I am very hopeful and I enjoy helping people and taking care of my pets. Nothing equals the cathartic power of riding my bikes. Thank you for this thread and I am sorry if this rambling is annoying to anyone.
Last edited by StarwardBound; 12-01-12 at 05:57 AM.
11-30-12, 03:32 PM
#128
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I want to thank everyone who has posted in this thread and shared their thoughts or experiences. I'm typing this with tear-filled eyes and I can't express how comforting it is to know that there are other people who can relate to, and are managing to cope with, some of the things I'm feeling.
Without wanting to come across as too melodramatic or self-pitying, I have felt profoundly unhappy for as long as I can remember (certainly going back at least to when I was 10 or 11), and I have used exercise (cycling and running) as a coping mechanism. But recently this has become less and less effective. Part of that is no doubt due to the winter and the arrival of the first real snows here (the indoor trainer and treadmill just aren't quite the same as the real thing), but in the last week I've found that the improvement in mood that I get from exercising starts to dissipate within 10 or 15 minutes of me stopping.
I've never told anyone about my unhappiness before, not even my close family, and I think I've done a pretty good job of hiding it from those around me. I know my parents and my sister would be incredibly supportive if they knew, but for some reason I've never been able to find the courage to speak to them about it.
Anyway, I've been going through a particularly rough patch these last few days and I've decided to go in to my local clinic first thing on Monday to ask for a referral to see a mental health professional. I think it's time for me to finally man up and face the problem properly, and that's in no small part thanks to the encouragement I've felt from reading all the heartfelt posts in this thread. Thank you all!
Without wanting to come across as too melodramatic or self-pitying, I have felt profoundly unhappy for as long as I can remember (certainly going back at least to when I was 10 or 11), and I have used exercise (cycling and running) as a coping mechanism. But recently this has become less and less effective. Part of that is no doubt due to the winter and the arrival of the first real snows here (the indoor trainer and treadmill just aren't quite the same as the real thing), but in the last week I've found that the improvement in mood that I get from exercising starts to dissipate within 10 or 15 minutes of me stopping.
I've never told anyone about my unhappiness before, not even my close family, and I think I've done a pretty good job of hiding it from those around me. I know my parents and my sister would be incredibly supportive if they knew, but for some reason I've never been able to find the courage to speak to them about it.
Anyway, I've been going through a particularly rough patch these last few days and I've decided to go in to my local clinic first thing on Monday to ask for a referral to see a mental health professional. I think it's time for me to finally man up and face the problem properly, and that's in no small part thanks to the encouragement I've felt from reading all the heartfelt posts in this thread. Thank you all!
11-30-12, 04:44 PM
#129
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Thread Starter
TO StarwardBound: Take Care Friend, Believe in yourself and stay proud. Thank you for posting.
11-30-12, 04:46 PM
#130
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Entente, I have a friend who lives in Stockholm and this time of the year is rough on her, no doubt due in great part to the lack of sunlight. Heck, I live in SoCal and dark, overcast and dreary days can send me into a funk.
I am glad that you have found good info on this thread. I am also glad that you decided to join in the conversation.
I am glad that you have found good info on this thread. I am also glad that you decided to join in the conversation.
11-30-12, 04:46 PM
#131
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Thread Starter
I HAVE NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE BEEN SO TOUCHED.
Misery loves company. I hope what I started stays in ones mind, they get help, prosper and check back with us.
BTW, I went to the Dr's on Tuesday the 27th, he put me back on Lexapro from Cymbalta, don't know yet. This morning was hard for me and I think I want to take all my guns out of the house or sell them and buy more bikes
Misery loves company. I hope what I started stays in ones mind, they get help, prosper and check back with us.
BTW, I went to the Dr's on Tuesday the 27th, he put me back on Lexapro from Cymbalta, don't know yet. This morning was hard for me and I think I want to take all my guns out of the house or sell them and buy more bikes
Last edited by ThinLine; 11-30-12 at 04:52 PM.
11-30-12, 04:53 PM
#132
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StarwardBound,
I am a refugee as well. Part of the sadness that I feel comes from being uprooted from my homeland and having to leave family and friends behind. I always feel rootless, even in the company of others, because a huge chunk of my roots stayed behind when I left my homeland.
take care friend and thanks for sharing.
I am a refugee as well. Part of the sadness that I feel comes from being uprooted from my homeland and having to leave family and friends behind. I always feel rootless, even in the company of others, because a huge chunk of my roots stayed behind when I left my homeland.
take care friend and thanks for sharing.
11-30-12, 06:45 PM
#133
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Right with you bro, for me a combo of Wellbutrin, Lexapro and major doses of cycling. People are interesting, they understand insulin and diabetes, nitro and heart disease, tamoxifen and breast cancer but among many the most complex organ system in the body should be immune from disease requiring meds. No shame, no pity just an acknowledgment that depression, like many diseases, has a genetic component and medications are sometimes needed. That being said it is no secret amongst mental health professionals that the single, most effective and most important treatment is exercise. Like I have said in other threads, cycling is my psychiatrist's couch.
11-30-12, 06:48 PM
#134
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I HAVE NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE BEEN SO TOUCHED.
Misery loves company. I hope what I started stays in ones mind, they get help, prosper and check back with us.
BTW, I went to the Dr's on Tuesday the 27th, he put me back on Lexapro from Cymbalta, don't know yet. This morning was hard for me and I think I want to take all my guns out of the house or sell them and buy more bikes
Misery loves company. I hope what I started stays in ones mind, they get help, prosper and check back with us.
BTW, I went to the Dr's on Tuesday the 27th, he put me back on Lexapro from Cymbalta, don't know yet. This morning was hard for me and I think I want to take all my guns out of the house or sell them and buy more bikes
I'm plotting and scheming to buy another bike. That carry up four floors thing is making me pause for the cause, however.
11-30-12, 07:53 PM
#135
Semper Fi
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StarwardBound,
Have any of the people treating you looked into PTSD? Several of the symptoms you mentioned are similar to what my friends returning from combat have experienced. I am not qualified to diagnose in ay way but I think you should have them look into this if it has not already been covered. Best of luck in your battle, sounds as if you have been through a long, long nightmare. I hope things can be worked out for you.
Bill
Have any of the people treating you looked into PTSD? Several of the symptoms you mentioned are similar to what my friends returning from combat have experienced. I am not qualified to diagnose in ay way but I think you should have them look into this if it has not already been covered. Best of luck in your battle, sounds as if you have been through a long, long nightmare. I hope things can be worked out for you.
Bill
__________________
Semper Fi, USMC, 1975-1977
I Can Do All Things Through Him, Who Gives Me Strength. Philippians 4:13
Semper Fi, USMC, 1975-1977
I Can Do All Things Through Him, Who Gives Me Strength. Philippians 4:13
11-30-12, 08:34 PM
#136
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I rarely post due to anxiety. I was born during a civil war and lived the first 6 years of my life avoiding it. Our apartment was shelled frequently, so my crib was replaced by the bathroom floor, as this room was reinforced by piping. Friends and relatives were leaving in droves. My family was the last to stay.
We evacuated once, only to return and watch tensions and violence escalate. Finally after a few kidnappings and deaths of family and friends, we evacuated for good. In the middle of the night while waiting on the beach, the US helicopter descended and picked my family and a few other US citizens in a covert evacuation. I will never forget leaving my grandparents in their old age. I spent most of my time with them. Little did I know that this was for good.
We landed on the USS Manitowoc. One of my favorite memories is playing with the Marines aboard that ship. They said I reminded them of their own children at home. I will always love these amazing people. They saved my life and made me feel like a kid again for a week. One gave me a pin, that I have to this day and cherish greatly.
We physically moved to the USA, but part of what made my family a family, didn't make the trip.
I did well in school and went to a university. I broke my back my senior year when someone jumped on my me while I was watching television in a prone position, resulting in a fracture to the L4/L5. A hematoma developed and a week later I had a staph infection in my epidural. The pain was tremendous. Nothing helped. I started to punch walls because I was writhing. I also had saddle numbess and lost a lot of feeling in my legs. And my junk wasn't working. No one knew what was going on, so the doctors performed emergency surgery. They fixed me up and attached a PIC line to my arm for 4 months in order to administer the antibiotic. I had to drop 2 of my 5 classes that semester and managed to do well in the 3 that I maintained. Unfortunatley, I was not going to graduate on time so I would need another semester. I basically had to put great emphasis on my rehab and finishing up school.
* about 10 years pass *
One day the thoughts of suicide crept further and deeper into my mind and heart. I used to purposely injure myself in the past, but never linked this to any psychological issue. It is as if I had this inner rage that had been suppressed and it all came out. I had a lot of friends growing up, but I never let anyone really know me on a deep and personal level. I am not good at keeping in touch with people. The only way I can describe my life is mechanical, in that I was just going through the motions with very limited emotional connections being established. I found myself alone and unconnected. I felt like my life was too fragmented with no trace of a continuous fibre to connect it all together. A house of cards on the Takoma Narrows Bridge in 1940 is a good visual of the instability within me.
So at the mature age of 32, I destroyed my house's interior and some of the exterior too. My father wondered what was going on and came over and took me to the hospital with the police assisting him.
Now I see a psychotherapist often and take an SSRI. My doctor thinks I never fully dealt with my past. My family became emotionless after the move. My doctor thinks we should have allowed ourselves time to grieve. He says that in the long term it is not always good to deny any trauma and go through life as if everything is great. He says this is how I work. Tears are ok.
I am re-assesing myself and trying to start over at the age of 33. I have many doubts about my future. Currently, I am unemployed, live at home, and I wonder if I will ever be anything that I will be proud of. I do think I am becoming more of a real person.
When I run into people I am embarrased to tell them I am unemployed because on the outside I look fine and I don't want people to think that I am a failure.
I am very hopeful and I enjoy helping people and taking care of my pets. Nothing equals the cathartic power of riding my bikes. Thank you for this thread and I am sorry if this rambling is annoying to anyone.
We evacuated once, only to return and watch tensions and violence escalate. Finally after a few kidnappings and deaths of family and friends, we evacuated for good. In the middle of the night while waiting on the beach, the US helicopter descended and picked my family and a few other US citizens in a covert evacuation. I will never forget leaving my grandparents in their old age. I spent most of my time with them. Little did I know that this was for good.
We landed on the USS Manitowoc. One of my favorite memories is playing with the Marines aboard that ship. They said I reminded them of their own children at home. I will always love these amazing people. They saved my life and made me feel like a kid again for a week. One gave me a pin, that I have to this day and cherish greatly.
We physically moved to the USA, but part of what made my family a family, didn't make the trip.
I did well in school and went to a university. I broke my back my senior year when someone jumped on my me while I was watching television in a prone position, resulting in a fracture to the L4/L5. A hematoma developed and a week later I had a staph infection in my epidural. The pain was tremendous. Nothing helped. I started to punch walls because I was writhing. I also had saddle numbess and lost a lot of feeling in my legs. And my junk wasn't working. No one knew what was going on, so the doctors performed emergency surgery. They fixed me up and attached a PIC line to my arm for 4 months in order to administer the antibiotic. I had to drop 2 of my 5 classes that semester and managed to do well in the 3 that I maintained. Unfortunatley, I was not going to graduate on time so I would need another semester. I basically had to put great emphasis on my rehab and finishing up school.
* about 10 years pass *
One day the thoughts of suicide crept further and deeper into my mind and heart. I used to purposely injure myself in the past, but never linked this to any psychological issue. It is as if I had this inner rage that had been suppressed and it all came out. I had a lot of friends growing up, but I never let anyone really know me on a deep and personal level. I am not good at keeping in touch with people. The only way I can describe my life is mechanical, in that I was just going through the motions with very limited emotional connections being established. I found myself alone and unconnected. I felt like my life was too fragmented with no trace of a continuous fibre to connect it all together. A house of cards on the Takoma Narrows Bridge in 1940 is a good visual of the instability within me.
So at the mature age of 32, I destroyed my house's interior and some of the exterior too. My father wondered what was going on and came over and took me to the hospital with the police assisting him.
Now I see a psychotherapist often and take an SSRI. My doctor thinks I never fully dealt with my past. My family became emotionless after the move. My doctor thinks we should have allowed ourselves time to grieve. He says that in the long term it is not always good to deny any trauma and go through life as if everything is great. He says this is how I work. Tears are ok.
I am re-assesing myself and trying to start over at the age of 33. I have many doubts about my future. Currently, I am unemployed, live at home, and I wonder if I will ever be anything that I will be proud of. I do think I am becoming more of a real person.
When I run into people I am embarrased to tell them I am unemployed because on the outside I look fine and I don't want people to think that I am a failure.
I am very hopeful and I enjoy helping people and taking care of my pets. Nothing equals the cathartic power of riding my bikes. Thank you for this thread and I am sorry if this rambling is annoying to anyone.
Does your doc understand that he is dealing with cross-cultural gar.....baggage? Third World - and Middle East in particular, Lebanon, right? - took concept of keeping stiff upper lip no matter what to the extremes Brits can't even imagine. Being a male (of any age) in Third World does not help either, to put it mildly. The range of emotions acceptable for public expression is narrow, centering mostly around anger and aggression. Everything else is for women *sneers*. But even women aren't allowed much more either.
What took your parents 6 years to get the child out of harm's way? Stop blindly adoring your ancestors and see them for flawed individuals they are. Their good side and their dark side. And move out of the house. Tomorrow.
My maternal grandmother (different part of the world) made a bonehead decision out of pure pridefulness and died as a result 25 years before I was born. Unfortunately, my grandfather was away in the army and was not able to smack her upside the head in timely manner. He was sometime later KIA. Mother was left an orphan in early teens, but never stopped hero worshiping her mother. Damage incurred was so wast, ripple effect is felt in my high school senior (perpetrator's great-grand-daughter).
12-01-12, 03:07 AM
#137
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I started reading this thread a couple of days ago and have to say i was very impressed not only that someone posted about there own problems, but that so many others shared similar problems.
I too suffer from depression. I've lost both my parents by the time I was 14. Have had bad substance abuse problems. Caused myself physical harm. Gone through a horrible divorce. And I'm only 28.
I'm posting this because of the courage others have shown posting in this thread.
I leave it at that.
I too suffer from depression. I've lost both my parents by the time I was 14. Have had bad substance abuse problems. Caused myself physical harm. Gone through a horrible divorce. And I'm only 28.
I'm posting this because of the courage others have shown posting in this thread.
I leave it at that.
12-01-12, 08:54 AM
#138
Senior Member
A lot of commonality here. Some are born depressed, some become depressed, and some have depression thrust upon them.
A love of bicycles and a desire for health unites us.
Maybe time for an Internet support group or something?
A love of bicycles and a desire for health unites us.
Maybe time for an Internet support group or something?
__________________
Momento mori, amor fati.
Momento mori, amor fati.
12-01-12, 09:06 AM
#139
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I started reading this thread a couple of days ago and have to say i was very impressed not only that someone posted about there own problems, but that so many others shared similar problems.
I too suffer from depression. I've lost both my parents by the time I was 14. Have had bad substance abuse problems. Caused myself physical harm. Gone through a horrible divorce. And I'm only 28.
I'm posting this because of the courage others have shown posting in this thread.
I leave it at that.
I too suffer from depression. I've lost both my parents by the time I was 14. Have had bad substance abuse problems. Caused myself physical harm. Gone through a horrible divorce. And I'm only 28.
I'm posting this because of the courage others have shown posting in this thread.
I leave it at that.
Have you decided what to do with the damage to your carbon frame bike? You got some good advice on the other thread.
12-01-12, 10:20 AM
#140
Senior Member
A funny thing, this ailment. As I read some of these stories, I realize just how easy my life is, and I get depressed for being depressed without some harsh trauma to instigate it. It's depressing.
__________________
Momento mori, amor fati.
Momento mori, amor fati.
12-01-12, 10:26 AM
#141
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12-01-12, 11:08 AM
#142
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My particular set of daemons have been labeled PTSD, which should not have come as a surprise given where I was and what I was doing in 1968-69. I spent decades self-medicating and engaging in a basically destructive lifestyle before discovering cycling. Then one day in 1980-something, I bought a bike on a whim. I still clearly remember the first day I just got on it and rode as far as I could, not more than maybe 12 miles back then. When I came home, I literally broke down and cried because I felt that much better. It was my "moment of clarity:, if you will.
In any case, it was the wake up call I needed to seek real help. I haven't been without a bike or counseling since, and between daily doses of Zoloft and riding, I'm feeling better now than I have in 30 years.
To anyone else out there who might be going through something similar, please, please please... just remember two things. You aren't alone, and there is hope and help and it works.
In any case, it was the wake up call I needed to seek real help. I haven't been without a bike or counseling since, and between daily doses of Zoloft and riding, I'm feeling better now than I have in 30 years.
To anyone else out there who might be going through something similar, please, please please... just remember two things. You aren't alone, and there is hope and help and it works.
12-01-12, 11:11 AM
#143
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One thing to understand is the many types of depression. Endogenous ( from within) is a genetic type that requires lifelong therapy- medical or otherwise. reactive or situational may need only short term rx.
12-01-12, 01:54 PM
#144
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First of all I am not writting this for a pity party, but does any one here have clinical depression handed down via parents and the good ole gene gang?
I suffer from it and find cycling to be very beneficial for my head. Most people don't understand, others look at me and can't imagine I have it.....I get this alot; "No f#@ckin way, you have a great job, 4 cars, 10 bikes, handsome and good looking, physicaly fit, beautiful house, etc. etc. They don't understand! Your mind plays the dark games of helpless-ness, hopeless-ness, dark hole perceptions and of course the end it all scenario.
I'm taking Cymbalta and it isn't working.
Riding clears my head and organizes my thoughts. Once again, not out for sympathy.
90% of people don't care, the other 10% are glad you have the problem.
Any insight would be helpful
I suffer from it and find cycling to be very beneficial for my head. Most people don't understand, others look at me and can't imagine I have it.....I get this alot; "No f#@ckin way, you have a great job, 4 cars, 10 bikes, handsome and good looking, physicaly fit, beautiful house, etc. etc. They don't understand! Your mind plays the dark games of helpless-ness, hopeless-ness, dark hole perceptions and of course the end it all scenario.
I'm taking Cymbalta and it isn't working.
Riding clears my head and organizes my thoughts. Once again, not out for sympathy.
90% of people don't care, the other 10% are glad you have the problem.
Any insight would be helpful
12-01-12, 03:09 PM
#145
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12-01-12, 03:19 PM
#146
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I have many friends whose relatives were concentration camp survivors. They also felt this sort of "survivor guilt."
It is a self-feeding loop!
Talking about it, however, makes it easier to deal with it.
12-01-12, 03:33 PM
#147
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Thread Starter
Zenout: Thank you. I tried my best to avoid the pills, the dialouge of it, coming out and dealing with it. I would not be here right now if I stayed the course. I needed help,
I spoke with my Mother as to why she had so many of us (7) knowing what she had, my grandmother had and the fact that the gene does not fall from the tree. Not a good subject although in retrospect she said she would not have indeed.
There is help and an understanding. One of my Dr's said anti-depressants should be in the drinking water. Cheers
I spoke with my Mother as to why she had so many of us (7) knowing what she had, my grandmother had and the fact that the gene does not fall from the tree. Not a good subject although in retrospect she said she would not have indeed.
There is help and an understanding. One of my Dr's said anti-depressants should be in the drinking water. Cheers
Last edited by ThinLine; 07-24-21 at 06:35 PM. Reason: Needless, too much information
12-01-12, 07:05 PM
#148
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ThinLine. sell the guns! Access to lethal methods is one of the warning signs for suicide. I was walking with my dog in the woods one day trying to pick out the tree I would hang myself from when I realized that my dog might not be able to find her way home without me.
A few days later I was watching my dog romp through the same woods when I realized that she is the perfect example of mindfulness- she doesn't dwell on the past or worry about tomorrow- she simply lives in the moment; and finds the joy ( because it is always there ) in everything she does. Watch your dogs closely some day, they know how to stay in the moment!
Thanks for sharing your experience, and never forget that this too shall pass.
A few days later I was watching my dog romp through the same woods when I realized that she is the perfect example of mindfulness- she doesn't dwell on the past or worry about tomorrow- she simply lives in the moment; and finds the joy ( because it is always there ) in everything she does. Watch your dogs closely some day, they know how to stay in the moment!
Thanks for sharing your experience, and never forget that this too shall pass.
12-02-12, 12:09 PM
#149
Senior Member
There is a lot of truth to this. In my case I often feel guilty and then depressed, about how well my life is going (at least from a professional and "possessional" point of view) while I have rleatives back in Cuba who are are struggling under an oppressive regime.
I suffer from what surgeon stone calls endogenous, or as it was called, chemical depression. If I stop my meds for five days everyone knows about it.
Seriously, I really do feel guilty because I've had such an easy life.
I wonder sometimes if, when I ride hard and long enough to cause pain and suffering upon myself, if that might not be some sort of self-flagellation, penance for my sins, the athletic equivalent of climbing Krough Patrick on bare feet in the winter.
As I said, strange thing, this ailment.
__________________
Momento mori, amor fati.
Momento mori, amor fati.
12-03-12, 01:42 PM
#150
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[QUOTE=ThinLine;15005210]Zenout: Thank you. I tried my best to avoid the pills, the dialouge of it, coming out and dealing with it. I would not be here right now if I stayed the course. I needed help, I had a gun to my head in a field on 3 occasions and couldn't do it. My dogs would be homeless and I would have hurt many people.
I spoke with my Mother as to why she had so many of us (7) knowing what she had, my grandmother had and the fact that the gene does not fall from the tree. Not a good subject although in retrospect she said she would not have indeed.
There is help and an understanding. One of my Dr's said anti-depressants should be in the drinking water. Cheers[/QUOT The issue with the pills is not something people talk about but i will.Often times you go through the pill journey and till you find the one right it can make things worse.One day someone will do a study about people who were put on the wrong pill and took their lives during that process.Take a small amount of b-12 daily like 500 milligrams and ride that bike 3-5 per week and dont forget to lift weights too.Lift heavy as well.Hang in there as you are not alone.When in the gym dont just do light weight reps as it does not build muscle and does not give you that natural post weight lifting high that keeps one out of depression.Keep mashing.
I spoke with my Mother as to why she had so many of us (7) knowing what she had, my grandmother had and the fact that the gene does not fall from the tree. Not a good subject although in retrospect she said she would not have indeed.
There is help and an understanding. One of my Dr's said anti-depressants should be in the drinking water. Cheers[/QUOT The issue with the pills is not something people talk about but i will.Often times you go through the pill journey and till you find the one right it can make things worse.One day someone will do a study about people who were put on the wrong pill and took their lives during that process.Take a small amount of b-12 daily like 500 milligrams and ride that bike 3-5 per week and dont forget to lift weights too.Lift heavy as well.Hang in there as you are not alone.When in the gym dont just do light weight reps as it does not build muscle and does not give you that natural post weight lifting high that keeps one out of depression.Keep mashing.