squeakywheel

I met a psycho this morning on the commute. I was waiting at a light in the left lane because immediately after that light was a second one where I wanted to turn left. Traffic was pretty light. I'm at the poll position waiting. An old red pickup truck pulls up behind me. The light changes. I hear "go go go". Cheering fans? I feel like Lance Armstrong. So I advance at what seemed like a good pace to me, and as soon as I start to get into the left turn lane, the truck rushes past me with the big old V8 howling. Pedal to the floor. Yee haw.

It wasn't extremely dangerous, but I though she could have waited another half second for me to completely transition into the left turn lane. As I'm making my left turn, I see her enter the Walmart parking lot at that corner. So, I turn in the lot too (other side) and ride around looking for the truck. I found her just sitting in her truck at the edge of the lot waiting. Hillarious, she's in such a huge hurry to sit in the Walmart parking lot and stare at the cars go by.

As I approach, she rolls down her window and asks "don't you have a car?" I didn't say much during this conversation and I politely listened to her rambling which incluced "why aren't you in the bike lane?" and "you almost caused an accident".

Then suddenly, she rolls up her window and pretends I'm not there.

I noted her license plate number. Mostly just to make her nervous. I'm not going to do anything about it now. She hasn't done anything illegal yet. I wrote it down for future reference incase it doesn't go so well next time our paths cross.

ItsJustMe

Responses:
"Yes, I have a car. But why would I drive a car when I can ride a bike?"
(That is so much the reverse of most people's mindset that it usually makes their brains throw a belt.)

"No, YOU almost caused an accident."

Jarery

I usually just ask them if they were born that stupid or is it something they have to work at.

jyossarian

All that rush to sit in a Walmart parking lot. What an exciting life she must live.

oboeguy

"Sure I do, but at least I'm not stupid."

squeakywheel

It's kind of funny because I was actually in the bike lane just prior to arriving at that light. Left turns across 4 lanes of traffic from the bike lane are a little tricky. I suppose if I had voiced this protest, it woudl be "why can't you just go straight then? Left turns are over rated."

truman

"Sure - but it's not raining."

CastIron

I usually respond--if at all, which is rare--with "So, have you found Jesus yet?". The 'ole bible bangin' schtick usually gets' em movin' again. It's harmless, non-confrontational, and makes them want to avoid you (or realize that most faiths of the world--perhaps even theirs-- don't condone being a mouthy jerk behind the wheel).

squeakywheel

+1

I like that one. I don't know if I can do it with a straight face, though.

Edit: Hmm, how about asking for money? Beggers and missionaries have about the same effect. Makes people want to be somewhere else.

CastIron

It's tough, but man, it's good when you really work it. I really like the line "Jesus loves everyone, even [insert offensive group/personality/physical type here] like you!"

Caspar_s

Hmm, Asking for money?

"No, I don't but I'm saving up for one, can you spare some change?"

joejack951

Hmmm, that could possibly be the best way to confront the drivers of $50k SUV's. They obviously have money to spare. It could cover the extra food we eat each day that so many blame for why commuting by bike is so expensive

It also gives me an idea for a T-shirt slogan: Will Move Right For Cash.

squeakywheel

hhcmf (wmrfc chapter)

Roody

Yes!!!

super-douper

Yes I do, thanks for asking. Do you have a bicycle? Of course they'd reply "Why aren't you driving it?" then you say "Well, lots of reasons, but one is that if I drove everywhere...uhh....[looks at driver's physique]....I wouldn't be in very good shape."

squeakywheel

Good answer, but I might prefer the Ghetto speak version:

Yo, mamma. That be one fine large ass.

(Sorry for the politically incorrect response. I just couldn't help myself...goofy mood).

Edit: I'm still at work at 8:23. I think its making me delusional. Looking forward to the ride home.

CastIron

Priceless. Pity they'd never read the bloody thing.

Remember this: Odds are they don't have money to spare. They likely mortgaged their house to pay for it. Pity them.

Philatio

I love it, consider it stolen

Coquelicot

i would get that kind of stuff all the time at school

them: i saw riding your bike to school today
me: yeah?
them: that sucks, you don't have a car?
me: no, i have one
them: uh...

and that can't even comprehend the fact that anyone would want ride a bike when they could just drive.

jyossarian

Where were you when we were running the HHCMF slogan contest? That coulda been the winner maybe!

joejack951

Cyclists love gear; who says you can't have two HHCMF t-shirts? I really wonder what kind of response that shirt would get though. I invision getting pegged with quarters. Probably not worth the pain of being hit or the effort to stop and pick them up.

sentinel

Why even follow her into the lot if you weren't looking for a confrontation? If something would have happened and you endedin a fight, you may have been the one looked at as the aggressor for following her into the lot. Ignore these idiot drivers and be the bigger person

BeTheChange

I usually just kill them, eat their liver, then make their skin into a funny hat. But talking to them may work too. Never tried it, so I can't say.

CigTech

I would Have answered with "This is my car, What do you mean?"

jeff-o

I might use "Have you found Jesus yet?" the next time someone says anything. However, I very, very rarely have anyone shouting anything at me. Maybe twice per riding season.