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Help me convince my wife that riding at night is safe

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Help me convince my wife that riding at night is safe

Old 10-20-10, 06:37 AM
  #76  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
Guess that makes them her balls eh?
Sounds like it.
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Old 10-20-10, 07:27 AM
  #77  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
Guess that makes them her balls eh?
Doesn't make them hers, but she does have exclusive rights given that we're married and all.

I was once told to think think of marriage as a bank account where you're making a series of deposits and withdrawals. Obviously you want a healthy balance. If your wife is afraid for your safety every night and especially if you decide to just ignore those feelings, you're taking daily withdrawals. Maybe you make enough deposits to more than compensate but no marriage is going to be a good one if one partner is unhappy a significant amount of the time.
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Old 10-20-10, 08:33 AM
  #78  
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Originally Posted by MVclyde View Post
OP here.......Thanks for all the replies. A few people asked what lights and reflective gear I have. Magic Shine 900 (from Geoman) on the front and Planet Bike Super Flash on the rear. For reflective gear I have an Illuminite jacket, reflective stripes on my pants & shoes, and reflectors on my pannier. Nothing on my helmet so I'll probably get another light or at least reflective tape. I really like the idea of having my wife follow me around the neighborhood at night to critique my visibility. True that I might not be as visible as I think I am.

My route is pretty safe. Mostly MUP, a few city streets, and neighborhood streets.
A backup light (especially used on the helmet) would be the only thing I'd ad for now, they work great for illuminating the turns and corners on the MUP I ride on.

Originally Posted by chrisb71 View Post
I got a jogging/hiking headlamp and put it around my dog's and my girlfriend's dogs neck. We started because her dog is 14 and can't see as well and wouldn't go down stairs in the dark. Very quickly while crossing a street I realized how much safer I felt about her when she was wearing the lamp, so I got one for my dog as well.

Now I know if he gets away from me, at least people will see him (esp. with him being all black). Now we just need to inject those photo luminescent genes from marine life into our dogs! (or our own skin )
Those puplights work great. My Mom got one for her dark colored dog, and he couldn't figure out how we can find him so easily when he ran away with it on.
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Old 10-20-10, 11:49 AM
  #79  
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Originally Posted by nashcommguy View Post
When my gf(who's now my wife) suggested within about 2 weeks of meeting me that she wasn't comfortable w/me cycle-commuting to work or riding at night I simply suggested that there were plenty of women out there that wouldn't mind. That may seem a bit harsh, but from my perspective cycling was/is an intergal part of who I am. So, it was kind of like 'love me, love my dog'. It's never been an issue once she became convinced of my resolve.
Yep. That was my standard speech to every woman I've ever dated about my motorcycle, and now it would be about my bike, if I hadn't already married an awesome woman. The speech went like this (on date number two)-

See that Motorcycle? There has been one like it parked in front of where I have lived since I was 21 years old. If you don't like motorcycles, I won't make you buy one, but no-one is going to tell me when or where I can and can't ride that one. If that's cool, then we're cool, if it isn't, I've still got time to hit the bar.

(Said with a smile, but dead serious, only had to head to the bar once in all the years of dating)- Now for the funny part

I sold that motorcycle to pay bills and buy bicycle stuff. Priorities change, but I now love pedaling even more than I loved that Vmax, and that's saying something.

Joe
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Old 10-20-10, 01:08 PM
  #80  
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Originally Posted by tjspiel View Post
Doesn't make them hers, but she does have exclusive rights given that we're married and all.

I was once told to think think of marriage as a bank account where you're making a series of deposits and withdrawals. Obviously you want a healthy balance. If your wife is afraid for your safety every night and especially if you decide to just ignore those feelings, you're taking daily withdrawals. Maybe you make enough deposits to more than compensate but no marriage is going to be a good one if one partner is unhappy a significant amount of the time.
There is so much wrong with that metaphor i don't know where to begin.
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Old 10-21-10, 08:34 AM
  #81  
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[QUOTE=tjspiel;11650119]Doesn't make them hers, but she does have exclusive rights given that we're married and all.

I was once told to think think of marriage as a bank account where you're making a series of deposits and withdrawals. Obviously you want a healthy balance. If your wife is afraid for your safety every night and especially if you decide to just ignore those feelings, you're taking daily withdrawals. Maybe you make enough deposits to more than compensate but no marriage is going to be a good one if one partner is unhappy a significant amount of the time.[/QUOTE]

There are three parts to a marriage; him, her, and us. I observe many unhappy people resolutely focused on "US" . If you like to ride, ride. If there is a part of that which negatively affects the partner (transportation, logistics, other obligations, etc.) negotiate it. If there is no part of riding that is tolerable to the partner, yet unaffects them, you have a major problem. If it's a perceived safety issue, you don't need mama anymore, you need a spouse. If I were the OP, I would suggest in as loving manner as possible, that she needs better information to put this in perspective and some new coping skills.
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Old 10-21-10, 08:55 AM
  #82  
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My wife doesn't express an opinion, but my own opinion is avoid peak commuting times when it is dark. Being on the road at 5 p.m. in the dark with the hysterical masses just doesn't work for me. Fortunately, this is only a problem from November through February and I can usually offset my work schedule to avoid rush hour during those months. By 7 p.m. the roads are calm and I feel safe.
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Old 10-21-10, 10:14 AM
  #83  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
There is so much wrong with that metaphor i don't know where to begin.
It is actually pretty darn accurate.
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Old 10-21-10, 11:03 AM
  #84  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
There is so much wrong with that metaphor i don't know where to begin.
The metaphor may not work for you but thinking of things that way has helped improve my marriage. For example, I call her every afternoon from work. Frequent conversation is much more important to her than it is to me but it's a little thing I can do to keep the bank account full. When the account is full we are less likely to get snippy about the small stuff.

When the relationship is new the bank account is full because you fall over yourselves doing nice things for each other and putting your best foot forward. Over time you start taking each other for granted. The daily grind and the seemingly small withdrawals, like spending more time on your bike than with your wife, can start to deplete the balance.

It's a two way street. You can easily argue that getting in the way of your spouse doing something they really like over what may be mostly irrational fears is another type of withdrawal.

Not that long ago, for a situation like the OP's I would have been much more inclined to think my wife's just being silly or controlling and go ahead and ride at night anyway. I've found that even just acknowledging her feelings rather than ignoring them goes a long way.
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Old 10-21-10, 11:44 AM
  #85  
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You've come a good way towards being safe with night riding, but I'ld suggest adding:

-- better tail ight
-- front side clearance lights for the poor souls coming out of driveways and not expecting a bike
-- reflective tape on wheel rims
-- either white helmet or reflective tape on helmet

It was only AFTER I added all the above and then had a demostration ride where I went away from house and had wife stand out at deepest night, and came around the corner that she felt more comfortable. Still not totally comfortable, but puts up with it. Like you I have a 900 headlamp, but use a cateye 1100 for the rear. My side lights are the weak point now, only 5 watt. When they "break", I'm planning on replacing with brighter lights.

Oh, also have her drive pass you on a dark street while you are riding, so she can see what you are seen as. Try all four compass positions. Part of what may be missing is the personal experience.
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Old 10-21-10, 11:48 AM
  #86  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
There is so much wrong with that metaphor i don't know where to begin.
It sounds accurate to me.
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Old 10-21-10, 11:57 AM
  #87  
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How on earth did I get so lucky as to find a wife who doesn't quibble over things like riding at night?

Cave exploring? No problem.
Hiking at night? No worries.
Mountain biking? Have a nice ride.
Randomly biking off by myself without telling anyone where I've gone? Still no worries.
Riding at night? Nary a word of complaint.
Practicing jumps at the skatepark at 48 years of age? Go for it.

I'm such a lucky guy.
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Old 10-21-10, 12:02 PM
  #88  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
There is so much wrong with that metaphor i don't know where to begin.
It is inaccurate if you take it too far and start thinking you can "trade" and do nice things to make up for acting crappy. That doesn't work. On the surface it sounds like he wrote that but I don't think he meant to.
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Old 10-21-10, 12:46 PM
  #89  
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Originally Posted by chrisb71 View Post
It is inaccurate if you take it too far and start thinking you can "trade" and do nice things to make up for acting crappy. That doesn't work. On the surface it sounds like he wrote that but I don't think he meant to.
I can see how it would be interpreted that way but you're right, that's not how I meant it. More like when the bank account has run dry even the seemingly small things become a big deal. Keeping the bank account full means you've got more flexibility and the other partner is more willing to work with you.
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Old 10-21-10, 01:46 PM
  #90  
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One thing that helped with me:

My wife, daughter and I were out a little later than usual on our bikes one Saturday ride and I turned on my rear light. About half way home, a car pulled up next to us and said "Wow, where did you get that light, I could see it 3 blocks away!"

She was also very positively impressed by how bright my P7 headlight was. But she was never 100% behind me until she started commuting by bike herself.

I'm getting her a Magicshine for Christmas.
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Old 10-21-10, 01:54 PM
  #91  
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My wife and kids were coming home from an activity at school one night. They happened to be on the same road I was and they saw how visible I was from a distance. Prior to that night, she was extremely worried for me. Now, just plain worried.
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Old 10-21-10, 02:27 PM
  #92  
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Originally Posted by electrik View Post
Guess that makes them her balls eh?
Remind me not to recommend you to my sister, man. Sheesh.

Anyways, +1 on the posters who took the time to demonstrate their level of reflectiveness and took their spouses seriously.
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Old 10-21-10, 02:58 PM
  #93  
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Originally Posted by JonathanGennick View Post
How on earth did I get so lucky as to find a wife who doesn't quibble over things like riding at night?

Cave exploring? No problem.
Hiking at night? No worries.
Mountain biking? Have a nice ride.
Randomly biking off by myself without telling anyone where I've gone? Still no worries.
Riding at night? Nary a word of complaint.
Practicing jumps at the skatepark at 48 years of age? Go for it.

I'm such a lucky guy.
Either that or her concern level is so low because she secretly has a replacement in line all set to go!
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Old 10-21-10, 03:58 PM
  #94  
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Originally Posted by Kimmitt View Post
Remind me not to recommend you to my sister, man. Sheesh.

Anyways, +1 on the posters who took the time to demonstrate their level of reflectiveness and took their spouses seriously.
I don't need recommendations from you. Hah.
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Old 10-21-10, 04:04 PM
  #95  
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This thread has really helped me to understand divorce rate statistics.
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Old 10-21-10, 04:32 PM
  #96  
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Originally Posted by Andy_K View Post
This thread has really helped me to understand divorce rate statistics.
What about the bond market collapse?
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Old 10-21-10, 04:48 PM
  #97  
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Originally Posted by MVclyde View Post
...I really like the idea of having my wife follow me around the neighborhood at night to critique my visibility...
So? Did you do it? What did she say?
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Old 10-21-10, 06:01 PM
  #98  
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Originally Posted by Andy_K View Post
This thread has really helped me to understand divorce rate statistics.
Maybe you should elaborate. A century ago a man would never have asked others how to convince his wife.
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Old 10-21-10, 06:08 PM
  #99  
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Originally Posted by Hasty View Post
Maybe you should elaborate. A century ago a man would never have asked others how to convince his wife.
A century ago women had few options besides getting married and staying married. They didn't have the right to vote and were basically considered property of the husband.

Times have changed.
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Old 10-21-10, 06:15 PM
  #100  
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Originally Posted by tjspiel View Post
A century ago women had few options besides getting married and staying married. They didn't have the right to vote and were basically considered property of the husband.

Times have changed.
Yeah, now we have to ask like a bunch of 5yr olds when it's ok to ride our bicycles.
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