Doctor Morbius

Surly has a couple of dumb names for bikes. For example, Karate Monkey. I'm pretty sure that bike has absolutely nothing to do with either.

Zaskar

Arbitrary or abstract names convey no meaning - no function, brand benefit or product differentiator. Initialisms and alpha-numerics such as C60, on their own, are absolutely arbitrary. But, if there is a system, e.g. C = Carbon, 60 = level... and the system is fleshed out, e.g. C40, C50, C60... A40, A50, A60, that arbitrary name now becomes a useful tool to identity and select the right bike.

Think of BMW's alpha-numeric system (back when it clean)... 3, 5, 6, 7, 8 were the body sizes and style. The next number, e.g. 25, 35, 40, etc. were the engine size in liters. Then they added a letter to call out one key feature. So, the 335x would be clear... after learning the system.

rpenmanparker 

Why did you spell Rachel as Rachael? I see that from time to time and have always thought it was a mistake.

Maelochs

"The name Rachael is a baby girl name. The name Rachael comes from the Hebrew origin. In Hebrew The meaning of the name Rachael is: Variant of Rachel: Ewe. Rachel was the second and favoured wife of Jacob in the Old Testament." Meaning of Rachael - Hebrew baby name

He's saying it isn't first choice in bikes but it is his favorite .... but he says it in Hebrew so the bikes won't understand .... Can't have uproar in the harem.

Or he could be saying, "This is the second sheep i married." Again, something best uttered in a foreign tongue.

Doge

Common spelling I think. My kid's bike names, I may have it wrong. That is what came out of my figures.
https://www.rachaelray.com/

Doge

No Rachael was the 1st choice.

Gen 29:18 Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”
But dad did the switch on Jacob on the wedding night. Must have been real dark.

vs 25 And in the morning, behold, it was Leah!

However I think that has little to do with the bike name, but it may. His sister's name is Naomi Leah, and the "it was Leah!" was often quoted in our house.

Maelochs

I could not care less about what people name their bikes ... but that is a cool little "bike-identity" story. Thanks for sharing.

TimothyH

My vote for the stupidest name and ugliest bike was the whole FUCI piece of garbage concept bike produced by Robert Egger/Specialized.

I'll let you guys google the thing.

Not only is the bike ugly but they told UCI to F- off and posted photos of Robert Egger giving the middle finger to the UCI all over their website. Two or three weeks went by and all traces of the bike, references to the name, photos or anything having to do with it suddenly vanished from the Specialized website. I would not doubt that UCI had a private conversation with some of the Specialized executives about their continued presence in pro races.

Really you could pick any conceptual exercise from Specialized and offer it up as ugliest bike.

Come to think of it, the Venge is as ugly as any other bike ever made.


-Tim-

Retoocs

Would you admit to riding a Giant Iguana? Or having a Giant Butte (with a silent e)?

diphthong

so much win in this thread.

Spectre734

+1

Spectre734

[QUOTE=DrIsotope;20114745]I thought we had come to a consensus on this, that the horror that is the one-two-punch of the Cyrusher and the Machete cannot be beaten. Same frame, different treatments-- but both do include kickstands.

That is just wrong...smh.

atwl77

What about the Chinarello Dogpoo BS?

DrIsotope

I have to say that in terms of dumb naming, no one can beat Canyon. Their whole road line is only based on a few frames-- but there's something around 50 different models-- hell, the Ultimate has like a dozen all to itself. The top-of-the line women's is the:

CANYON ULTIMATE WMN CF SLX DISC 9.0 TEAM CSR

Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Like poetry. They have a Fatbike called the Dude, which would be just fine-- but they have to Canyonize it into DUDE CF 9.0 UNLIMITED. Why?

And while not what I would consider a candidate for most ugly, I really have no idea what the thought process was behind the frame on the CF Inflite gravel bike:



No. Though if you like shapes that frame is nearly a perfect parallelogram. Which I cannot unsee.

Maelochs

I reminds me of another manufacturer's bike (Boone? maybe?) which drops down like that .... but that bike looks like a bike and this looks like a toddler made it out of Lego.

I like Every other Canyon I have ever seen ... but that one is fugly. It looks like it was designed by some Chinese high-schools student with a stolen CAD program trying to make a bike with even more winning potential than the Cycrusher.

f4rrest

The fact that it's almost a parallelogram is annoying, like a picture frame hung subtly off level.

GeneO 

I guess at the last minute they decided they did not want a sloping top tube.

Maelochs

Designed by a team .... three days before production ... "Wait, you used Metic??!!"

ksryder

I almost feel bad for the manufacturers... the key word being "almost".

duane041

EGADS, reminds me of the old Schwinn 4-1-1 of a few years back:

Maelochs

LOL..... "Let's come up with some, new, cool, unique and really attractive frame design!"

"Nah, let's build this instead."

TimothyH

That's some ugly bike right there.

smarkinson

I believe the logic goes like this; as the bike is a cyclocross bike (not a gravel bike) it is sometimes necessary to carry the bike on your shoulder to traverse various obstacles that are on a cyclocross race course. The bend in the top tube makes it more comfortable when it is being carried on the shoulder.

DrIsotope

Too bad the poor folk that can only afford the Inflite AL get stuck with a completely normal looking bike. I bet they wish they had the extra scratch for a hideous almost parallelogram. Even though the bike looks like a bike, still a dumb name: INFLITE AL SLX 8.0 PRO RACE

Hiro11

1. I like Surly's bike names. At least they have personality. Also, Surly makes great bikes.
2. I actually like the Inflite as an example of form following function. Guys: it's a dedicated cross race bike. There aren't many of those sold any more as manufacturers have turned cross bikes into gravel/winter/commuters mashups. As a dedicated cross race bike, that design is likely perfect.
3. Re: the Giant tri bike above. That's what tri bikes look like. They all look like that these days, there's nothing particularly ugly about that Giant other than the awful colorway.


Anyway, the bike I simply cannot stand: the Specialized Venge Vias. Actually, I can't think of many Specialized bikes I like the look of. The Venge Vias has the most hideous cockpit of integrated/proprietary nonsense I've ever seen. The rear brake looks like some kind of cancerous growth. It's got that awful shrouded fork design. I haaaate that bike.