Playground taunts... so applicable to commuting by bike
03-11-10, 04:25 PM
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Playground taunts... so applicable to commuting by bike
Someone on here recently came up with the "I'm rubber, you're glue" theory of road rage. 
I liked that a lot, because it's the best way to handle road ragers. Stay calm, and let the insults bounce off. It's infuriating!
Today a thought popped into my head "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but honks will never hurt me" as a rager was leaning on his horn to ask me to pull off into the gravel (and pot-holes and puddles) so that he could beat me to the next stop sign.
It got me thinking, first, how sad it is that those taunts can be applied to some so-called grown-ups. Secondly though, I'm wondering what other playground chants offer sage advice to cyclists interacting with crazed car drivers. Can anyone think of some more?
I liked that a lot, because it's the best way to handle road ragers. Stay calm, and let the insults bounce off. It's infuriating!Today a thought popped into my head "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but honks will never hurt me" as a rager was leaning on his horn to ask me to pull off into the gravel (and pot-holes and puddles) so that he could beat me to the next stop sign.
It got me thinking, first, how sad it is that those taunts can be applied to some so-called grown-ups. Secondly though, I'm wondering what other playground chants offer sage advice to cyclists interacting with crazed car drivers. Can anyone think of some more?
03-11-10, 05:44 PM
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03-11-10, 06:10 PM
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Unfortunately, the only playground taunts that I remember run along the lines of fat***, nerd, geek, dork, and four-eyes. The last four are too simple and childish to be of any use, and the first, while often true, is too derogatory and confrontational. Plus, after being taunted with the term for years, I'm loathe to turn it on someone else.
Although I have gotten into the habit of say "What's up, Fatty?" at every male Pugsly rider I see out on the trail.
03-11-10, 07:27 PM
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Mine are a touch more rough -- when I hear, "Get on the sidewalk!", my usual answer (after the obligatory F U), is, "Get off your mama!" But they're generally out of hearing range by then, as they speed by me as they holler.
03-11-10, 08:26 PM
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No no no..... "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but WHIPS AND CHAINS EXCITE ME!"
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Master Guns Crittle, You out there??
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlein
03-11-10, 08:44 PM
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The Drive Side is Within
Someone right hooked me. Tough neighborhood. I caught up to him to make the WTF? face + upturned palms gesture at him.
He rolled down the window of his civic, looked at me pointedly, and said "sidewalk!"
I looked him and replied "gay bar."
He then tried to kill me.
He rolled down the window of his civic, looked at me pointedly, and said "sidewalk!"
I looked him and replied "gay bar."
He then tried to kill me.
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03-11-10, 08:53 PM
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I learned the hard way when I was about sixteen not to harrass bike riders. I was in my buddy's car, and started calling the cyclists gay and such. Well, from stop sign to stoplight we really couldn't keep ahead of these guys as they kept up with us and challenged us to get out and fight. So, eventually we thought showing them a knife (keep in mind we were skinny, zit-covered teenagers who looked ten) would frighten them. Didn't work. They then started shouting at the top of their lungs that we had weapons. Everyone at each stop sign/stop light stared and we couldn't wait to get to a spot where we truly could build up speed and get out of there.
Since then, the only "harrassing" we would do is sing Queen's "Bicycle" as a group rode by. That usually made them smile.
I'm 41, and although I now have respect for bicyclists, I still can't help yell the occasional "fore" when driving by a golf course. It's like a dog who chases cats. He knows he's not supposed to, but he can't help it.
I've actually had success with making a guy shank it or whiff it, and boy do they get mad (which only encourages my immature behavior).
The really funny part was when I took up golf, got pretty good at it, and one day I was on the verge of posting my best score when some teenagers drove by and yelled "fore" right as I was in the swing. Totally messed me up. I was MAD, but it dawned on me that I had no right to be mad, and then I thought it was funny.
Since then, the only "harrassing" we would do is sing Queen's "Bicycle" as a group rode by. That usually made them smile.
I'm 41, and although I now have respect for bicyclists, I still can't help yell the occasional "fore" when driving by a golf course. It's like a dog who chases cats. He knows he's not supposed to, but he can't help it.
I've actually had success with making a guy shank it or whiff it, and boy do they get mad (which only encourages my immature behavior).
The really funny part was when I took up golf, got pretty good at it, and one day I was on the verge of posting my best score when some teenagers drove by and yelled "fore" right as I was in the swing. Totally messed me up. I was MAD, but it dawned on me that I had no right to be mad, and then I thought it was funny.
Last edited by Fairmont; 03-11-10 at 08:57 PM.
03-11-10, 09:53 PM
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03-12-10, 05:18 AM
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I was "mirror swiped" by a passing 4-wheel drive truck. I caught him at 4-way stop and gave him an evil look. He rolled down the window and yelled to him that he had just hit me. He said, "So, get on the F***ing sidewalk!" (And... there was no sidewalk anyway.) He drove off with an intentional swerve toward me.
I followed him. He pulled into his driveway which happened to only be a half mile from our last encounter. He was about to get out of his truck when he spotted me in his rear view mirror. I waited for a half hour. He wouldn't get out. He won the waiting game. I continued on my ride.
I've often thought of going back...
I followed him. He pulled into his driveway which happened to only be a half mile from our last encounter. He was about to get out of his truck when he spotted me in his rear view mirror. I waited for a half hour. He wouldn't get out. He won the waiting game. I continued on my ride.
I've often thought of going back...
03-12-10, 06:20 AM
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Personally I walk around and ride around with a fresh "F**k off!" in the chamber. Ya never know when you'll need it so ya wanna be ready for it.
03-12-10, 07:54 AM
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I thought this thread was going to be about bike commuters taunting each other. 
"Hey did you see my grandma when she passed you?"
Like Nigal, above, I tend to have an instinctive aggressive reaction when people yell anything at me. I don't process what they're saying, I just assume they're being idiots. Almost got me into trouble when one of my good friends yelled from his car, "Faster! Ride faster!" The finger almost went up, and somehow I registered it was him, and I waved instead.
I need to settle down. 
"Hey did you see my grandma when she passed you?"Like Nigal, above, I tend to have an instinctive aggressive reaction when people yell anything at me. I don't process what they're saying, I just assume they're being idiots. Almost got me into trouble when one of my good friends yelled from his car, "Faster! Ride faster!" The finger almost went up, and somehow I registered it was him, and I waved instead.
I need to settle down.
03-12-10, 08:20 AM
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A pair of school girls yelled "white boy!" at me a couple of weeks ago, so I told them "I prefer 'Whitey'..." They seemed a bit confused by my response, but I was pretty happy with it...
03-12-10, 08:56 AM
#13
You gonna eat that?
That's pretty funny.
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I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.
Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."
03-12-10, 09:12 AM
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this thread is for poopy head
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"Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey
03-12-10, 09:15 AM
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I'm trying to train myself to smile brightly and wave at people who try to run me off the road, (as opposed to those who are simply asleep at the wheel, texting, or too busy putting on their makeup or tweezing their nose hairs -- those are the people who actually make me mad).
Part of it, of course, is that whole driving desire for self-mastery ("No way I'm letting these chumps intimidate me!"), but there's also something particularly satisfying about the look someone gives you when he's just given his all to trying to scare the pants off of you and you just smile and wave at the next intersection. Ahhh, satisfaction.
Part of it, of course, is that whole driving desire for self-mastery ("No way I'm letting these chumps intimidate me!"), but there's also something particularly satisfying about the look someone gives you when he's just given his all to trying to scare the pants off of you and you just smile and wave at the next intersection. Ahhh, satisfaction.
03-12-10, 09:16 AM
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I was "mirror swiped" by a passing 4-wheel drive truck. I caught him at 4-way stop and gave him an evil look. He rolled down the window and yelled to him that he had just hit me. He said, "So, get on the F***ing sidewalk!" (And... there was no sidewalk anyway.) He drove off with an intentional swerve toward me.
I followed him. He pulled into his driveway which happened to only be a half mile from our last encounter. He was about to get out of his truck when he spotted me in his rear view mirror. I waited for a half hour. He wouldn't get out. He won the waiting game. I continued on my ride.
I've often thought of going back...
I followed him. He pulled into his driveway which happened to only be a half mile from our last encounter. He was about to get out of his truck when he spotted me in his rear view mirror. I waited for a half hour. He wouldn't get out. He won the waiting game. I continued on my ride.
I've often thought of going back...
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"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlein
Master Guns Crittle, You out there??
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlein
03-12-10, 09:40 AM
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AirZound. Scared the crap out of some kids yelling obscenities at me the other day about my choice of attire (whats wrong with a Class II vest with lights on my helmet?). I know I shouldn't have, but it felt so good. The same day I did manage not to sound it at the driver who cut in front of me at a light, since I got it to stay alive, not indicate my displeasure at inconsiderate drivers.
03-12-10, 09:55 AM
#18
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One time, when a driver who didn't like that I was riding in the road pulled up next to me and rolled down his passenger window to let me know it, I pulled out my cell phone to ask the driver if I should call the cops so they can straighten out the situation.
The driver didn't like that and drove away.
Sticks and stones apply. Hearing something is far more preferable to being run over.
The driver didn't like that and drove away.
Sticks and stones apply. Hearing something is far more preferable to being run over.
03-12-10, 10:48 AM
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Closetbiker, I think that was a good example of "I'm gonna tell on you!"
Also, if you call the cops for real, make sure to stick your tongue out at the rager when the cops aren't looking, just to stay with the theme.
Also, if you call the cops for real, make sure to stick your tongue out at the rager when the cops aren't looking, just to stay with the theme.
Last edited by hshearer; 03-12-10 at 10:56 AM.
Mooooooooooooooom!
03-12-10, 11:00 AM
#22
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I think he wished he could rule the road, but knew he didn't.
03-12-10, 11:07 AM
#23
Squeaky Wheel
I was told to "get on the sidewalk" only once. I responded with: "no, you get on the sidewalk". The driver started to respond in kind, but I think realized how stupid and pointless the whole conversation was and shut up then drove off. I was pretty satisfied with the exchange.
03-12-10, 11:23 AM
#24
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Maybe I didn't get your point because I was throwing a hissy fit.
03-12-10, 02:43 PM
#25
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Actually, I did call 911 and report the incident. They told me that an officer would be there shortly. However, an officer did not show up in the 30 minutes that I was waiting for this guy to get out of the car. The police department called me two hours later and said that an officer was on his way. I told him them just to go onto the next call because it's been 2.5 hours and if something serious had happened to me, I'd be dead by now anyway. I indicated if they are that far behind, it's better that they "catch up" and actually try to help someone that might be hurting or in danger. They said they would call me back and take a report - that never happened.