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Hiding the stuff that happens

Old 12-04-19, 01:10 AM
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Geekage
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Hiding the stuff that happens

Today I got right hooked riding home from work.

I don't know, after yelling the kid out, what was there left to do? Sure, there was a cop five cars back (without headlights on), but they couldn't see a thing because the same truck that blocked this car from seeing me also kept the cop from seeing anything either, so if I had been able to flag them down, all they could have done was take a report, if that. Since there was no damage to my bike, I sent the kid on his way.

No, this isn't a daily occurrence, but it's not all that surprising either. Okay, coming from one lane over was a bit egregious, which is why he surprised me. Lesson learned: be careful at intersections around things that block sightlines. Duh.

Still, there are so many things others do (drivers, bicyclists, and pedestrians) that could end up horribly bad, and some of us see those things on almost a daily basis. We have become so used to it that it doesn't surprise us and for me there's usually no shot of adrenaline anymore when a car tries to occupy the same space as I'm in. I like to think it's because I'm ready for it. Ready, but still disappointed. It's just another roll of the eyes.

So, do any of you bring these kinds of things up around your significant others? Or do you do as I do and usually don't say a thing, unless I'm trying to one-up a friend
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Old 12-04-19, 02:04 AM
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I do not make a point of mentioning these things to my wife unless she asks me directly, and even then I try to temper the story. As she is not very interested in cycling in general...she does not normally ask about my rides anyway.
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Old 12-04-19, 06:12 AM
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Hiding the stuff that happens
Originally Posted by Geekage View Post
Today I got right hooked riding home from work....

Still, there are so many things others do (drivers, bicyclists, and pedestrians) that could end up horribly bad, and some of us see those things on almost a daily basis.

We have become so used to it that it doesn't surprise us and for me there's usually no shot of adrenaline anymore when a car tries to occupy the same space as I'm in. I like to think it's because I'm ready for it. Ready, but still disappointed. It's just another roll of the eyes.

So, do any of you bring these kinds of things up around your significant others? Or do you do as I do and usually don't say a thing, unless I'm trying to one-up a friend
Originally Posted by oldgeezerjeff View Post
I do not make a point of mentioning these things to my wife unless she asks me directly, and even then I try to temper the story.

As she is not very interested in cycling in general...she does not normally ask about my rides anyway.
I don’t mention these things, but there have been times my wife has had to come to my aid.
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
…BTW, my wife is a nurse, and she tended me well during my three month convalescence from my cycling accident.

Our relationship was early on very bicycle-centered, including a cross-country cycling honeymoon, so she does not give me a hard time about continuing cycling.
One time recently, I did bring up my accident, with regrets. My wife and I were meeting with our lawyer (not unpleasantly) and at the end of the meeting we got talking about bicycling.

When I mentioned I cycle-commute, it turned out the lawyer's husband does too and she expressed her concerns. When I somehow mentioned the accident, I realized that was the wrong thing to do. There was no reason to bring it up in this social context, and it was not as an admonition to be careful out there.


˅˅˅˅

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 12-04-19 at 10:24 AM.
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Old 12-04-19, 06:16 AM
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˄˄˄˄
Originally Posted by Geekage View Post
…So, do any of you bring these kinds of things up around your significant others? Or do you do as I do and usually don't say a thing, unless I'm trying to one-up a friend
On Bike Forums, we frequently and candidly post about our close calls and actual mishaps, not just to “one-up” each other but most considerately to advise.
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
I try to keep safe with certain aphorisms in my head that come to mind to alert me when I encounter a situation where unseen dangers may lurk…
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post

I have come to realize that my safety aphorisms (link), collected over the years by personal or vicarious experience, are my way of actively aligning the stars in my favor, to anticipate those unseen and otherwise unanticipated dangers.
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston
(From this now-closed thread) “FYI a new subforum for you all.”

A "whimsical" suggestion, how about a Crash subforum, where the old and young could share their cycling disasters?
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
Wow… sorry to hear about this. It sounds like a “major” crash, especially with such damage.

I won’t ask “what happened?,” but posting details for me at least gives me renewed attention to such situations on the road
.
...kind of a "cycling post-mortem."
I have previously posted about discussing the dangers of cycling with non-cyclists or casual cyclists concerned with my or their own safety:
Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
Generally I get kudos or just indifference towards my cycling, mostly as a year-round commuter here in Metro Boston, even after my serious accident four years ago. The most hostile remarks, particularly in Winter, are from those drivers who fear for themselves to hit me.

Of course I contend with their fears using many of those talking points as mentioned above ["Once again: Health VS Cycling Accidents"]. One soft argument I read on Bikeforums is that cycling in traffic really does look dangerous to car drivers ensconced in their vehicles.

Personally I feel pretty safe, well-lit, with unlimited vision with mirrors, and pretty nimble on my bike. Nonetheless, I’m totally attentive to the cars around me, and I have a number of safety aphorisms in my mind to keep me alert.


Once though, I was standing on a busy intersection (Massachusetts and Commonwealth Aves) one Saturday night watching some happy-go-lucky student-type cyclists on Hubway Bike Share bikes, no helmets, riding along and laughing in traffic, and I thought to myself that really does look dangerous.

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 12-20-19 at 06:30 AM.
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Old 12-04-19, 07:03 AM
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Stuff happens almost every ride. I am aware and able to anticipate what drivers might do to avert disaster. So they are not really worth mentioning. You just have to let them go.
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Old 12-04-19, 08:56 AM
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It happens so often I usually forget about it by the time I get home
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Old 12-04-19, 10:14 AM
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having twice been struck by motor vehicles while bike commuting, my wife already worries enough as it is.

she sure as hell doesn't need to hear about the close calls.
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Old 12-04-19, 10:43 AM
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few weeks ago I saw a kid get thrown from his bike from a car he collided with. neither he nor the car saw each other due to traffic blocking their views. I told everyone I know
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Old 12-04-19, 10:57 AM
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I had been sharing all my videos of inattentive or aggressive motorists creating potentially hazardous situations on social media with the hopes that at the very least my non-cycling friends would appreciate what cyclists have to deal with and maybe be a little more careful. But a few weeks ago my wife said a friend of hers asked her something to the effect of "why does he share those, doesn't it worry you?". Turns out it does add extra worry and stress for my wife so now I'm hesitant to share. Right after that discussion with her, I had an aggressive motorist intentionally buzz me at high speed twice within a week (same guy). This time I didn't share in a forum she could see, but I did call the police and even set up an appointment with a cycling attorney. I had to tell her the day before my meeting with lawyer because meeting a lawyer behind your wife's back (and her finding out) is probably even worse than telling her somebody is trying to kill me.
Long story short, I still don't know if I should share these things with my wife or not.
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Old 12-04-19, 11:19 AM
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It's got to be pretty bad before I'll mention it to my wife. When I do, it's usually couched in such a way as to tell her that I'm alert and able to avoid incidents (and injuries) because of my experience.

I didn't mind sharing with the police a few weeks ago when someone threw a wadded up paper cut at my face. The cops will have to tell her about it for my wife to learn of that incident.
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Old 12-04-19, 11:23 AM
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If I pull a really bonehead move and am ashamed to admit how stupid I was, I probably won't mention it to anyone, either my wife or you guys. But of course that has never happened. Never, as in not ever. Don't look at me like that.

Other than that, I don't really have a policy about what I tell and what I don't. It's mostly a matter of what comes up in conversation, and what I remember.
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Old 12-04-19, 12:06 PM
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I grew up just outside Boston, Rode into the city many times, starting when I was about 12. Raced out of Cambridge in my twenties. In my racing/bike shop days, the common expression was "close only counts n horse shoes and hand grenades. We used to joke about maybe wearing a durable metal ring on our left hand to scrape the paint of right-hookers.

My only right-hook with contact came when a USPS Jeep pulled a right turn from the left lane. We were the only vehicles on the road. 7am outside Santa Cruz 40 years ago. I was trying to turn tighter than the jeep; of course impossible since I didn't do the lean to initiate the turn. So at the apex, the Jeep's tire was contacting my fork and my elbow was in the driver's face (his window was down). The tire contact gave me the shove I needed and I finished the turn upright. We were both fully awake afterwards.

Ben
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Old 12-04-19, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by 79pmooney View Post
I grew up just outside Boston, Rode into the city many times, starting when I was about 12. Raced out of Cambridge in my twenties. In my racing/bike shop days, the common expression was "close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades.

We used to joke about maybe wearing a durable metal ring on our left hand to scrape the paint of right-hookers.
I have heard it as “Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades...and dancing."


Vince Lombardi had said of football, “Dancing [but not bicycling] is a contact sport…football [but certainly not bicycling] is a collision sport."

Last edited by Jim from Boston; 12-04-19 at 12:46 PM.
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Old 12-04-19, 01:38 PM
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@ RoadKill might as well tell her. maybe she will chip for some of your life insurance premiums? mine won't but maybe you'll have better luck?

Last edited by rumrunn6; 12-04-19 at 02:07 PM.
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Old 12-04-19, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by rhm View Post
If I pull a really bonehead move and am ashamed to admit how stupid I was, I probably won't mention it to anyone, either my wife or you guys. But of course that has never happened. Never, as in not ever. Don't look at me like that.
sometimes I need a kick in the head. this is a good place to fess-up ...
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Old 12-04-19, 02:10 PM
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The everyday close encounters don't get a mention. If something was egregious enough to upset me for a while, I'll probably share that with my spouse. She can tell anyway.
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Old 12-04-19, 11:55 PM
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She gets a huge check if I get smushed one of these days. She'll be just fine...
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Old 12-05-19, 01:41 AM
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Originally Posted by justsaymint View Post
It happens so often I usually forget about it by the time I get home
Originally Posted by Steely Dan View Post
having twice been struck by motor vehicles while bike commuting, my wife already worries enough as it is.
she sure as hell doesn't need to hear about the close calls.
Originally Posted by downtube42 View Post
The everyday close encounters don't get a mention. If something was egregious enough to upset me for a while, I'll probably share that with my spouse. She can tell anyway.
Yeah, if there's no malice and no contact, then it's usually pretty quickly forgotten.

Our kid noticed the scrape on my hand where it hit the car. I didn't notice it at the time since I had gloves on. The look I got from my wife told me she didn't want to hear about it. I guess by not correcting her assumption it was cycling related, I implicitly confirmed that fear, even though it could easily have been something stupid I did that was not bike related. Yes, I guess we've come to the unspoken understanding that I just shouldn't bring these things up.

Originally Posted by RoadKill View Post
I had been sharing all my videos of inattentive or aggressive motorists creating potentially hazardous situations on social media with the hopes that at the very least my non-cycling friends would appreciate what cyclists have to deal with and maybe be a little more careful.
<snip>
Long story short, I still don't know if I should share these things with my wife or not.
That's why I'm posting here instead of the same social media my wife is on.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
She gets a huge check if I get smushed one of these days. She'll be just fine...
That's one of the reasons why I'm a bit blase about my mortality, but I've heard that still isn't going to fill the hole left behind in other peoples' lives.

Originally Posted by 79pmooney View Post
I grew up just outside Boston, Rode into the city many times, starting when I was about 12. Raced out of Cambridge in my twenties. In my racing/bike shop days, the common expression was "close only counts n horse shoes and hand grenades. We used to joke about maybe wearing a durable metal ring on our left hand to scrape the paint of right-hookers.
Haven't you heard the horror stories from shop teachers? That sounds like a good way to lose a finger.

I've given this a little thought and if I ever do a Kickstarter, I'd try to sell little pieces of carbide or ceramic that could be sewn or attached like rhinestones onto the backs of gloves. They'd be good for getting a paint sample while also distinctively marking a potential hit and run that hooks you, they would help soften up any glass that you're falling into, they've got that very punk look, and they would work well for motorcycle gloves too. On the flipside, if they're only rhinestone size, they would easily get torn off regular textile bicycle gloves sliding on any asphalt surface- though they might fare better on leather motorcycle gloves- and you might not want to wipe a sweaty brow with the back of your hand.
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Old 12-05-19, 05:41 AM
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Not worth mentioning. It happens everyday, and it's not necessary to worry her. As the OP said, I no longer get a shot of adrenaline when things like this happen, I'm just used to it and react without even getting nervous about it and continue my ride like nothing happened.

I just try to be careful, and learn from mistakes to avoid as much as I can this type of things. A simple example (that I learnt really early), is that I no longer trust cars to yield when they should, so I always approach such situations with a plan B in hand, just in case something doesn't go as expected.
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Old 12-05-19, 07:05 AM
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Originally Posted by jim from boston View Post
˄˄˄˄ on bike forums, we frequently and candidly post about our close calls and actual mishaps, not just to “one-up” each other but most considerately to advise.
+1
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Old 12-05-19, 01:06 PM
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My wife isn't nervous about my cycling. She wouldn't even mind if I got a motorcycle, though I don't think I ever will. I'm pretty open about talking about my mistakes, and sometimes I tell her about what happens to me. I am sure to include the lessons I learn along the way.
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Old 12-05-19, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Jim from Boston View Post
One time recently, I did bring up my accident, with regrets. My wife and I were meeting with our lawyer (not unpleasantly) and at the end of the meeting we got talking about bicycling.

When I mentioned I cycle-commute, it turned out the lawyer's husband does too and she expressed her concerns. When I somehow mentioned the accident, I realized that was the wrong thing to do. There was no reason to bring it up in this social context, and it was not as an admonition to be careful out there.
That sounds worth hearing more about. What did the lawyer say? How did the conversation go from there?

Also, I agree with what you said above, that we all learn from each other talking about our near-misses and close calls, and unfortunately the actual hits. I get a lot out of it, anyway. Maybe it's just morbid fascination.
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Old 12-05-19, 06:41 PM
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I check the drivers reaction, if they look shocked, I let it go and move along.

When it is deemed to be intentional, I make a video clip for future reference.
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Old 12-06-19, 09:06 PM
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I guess I'm a bit opposite - I always share my close calls with my SO. I've even gotten him to watch video footage so we can both complain about how dumb people are. He takes the bus and walks to work, and I ride my bike, so between the two of us we have plenty of bonehead driver stories to share.

Strangely enough, he doesn't seem to worry about me getting killed by cars - even though I was recovering from an accident when we first met, and got hit pretty good in July. My speed on descents is another matter - playing in traffic is fine, but he really doesn't want to know that bikes can go 40MPH. That's the stuff I have to hide.
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Old 12-07-19, 07:35 AM
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I've only told my wife about 2 incidents, well, I didn't.....the EMS squad did.
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