View Poll Results: Is it OK to lie to a spouse/partner about bike buying?
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 87. You may not vote on this poll
Is it OK to lie to your spouse/partner about your bike buys?
08-31-17, 10:24 PM
#76
Senior Member
I'm in a different position - my wife is co-account holder on my credit card, so I see everything she spends, but I don't think she can see what I spend. We have separate accounts for everything else, so who knows what she does with her salary! Could well be spending it on a toy-boy for all I know......as long as she's happy
09-01-17, 05:59 AM
#77
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09-01-17, 06:53 AM
#78
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This...
(Plants palm on forehead, not this stuff again...)
Why do I feel this has been inspired by the "Opposite Gender Cycling Friends" thread? And why do you seek answers to moral questions about spousal relationships on an internet forum.
If you're "feeling guilty" and need to ask the question then do you not already know the answer?
And you need to ask, "Is it okay to lie to your spouse?" ???
Why do I feel this has been inspired by the "Opposite Gender Cycling Friends" thread? And why do you seek answers to moral questions about spousal relationships on an internet forum.
If you're "feeling guilty" and need to ask the question then do you not already know the answer?
And you need to ask, "Is it okay to lie to your spouse?" ???
09-01-17, 07:16 AM
#79
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I wrote a similar thread a few months back and had a lot of responses - many condemning my actions (secretly buying an N+1).
Firstly a matter of definition:
A lie an an active untruth or deception. A failure to disclose to a purchase is not a lie. Denying the purchase if asked *is* a lie. This should be obvious.
For my next purchase, I did tell my wife, but only a day before the new bike arrived - just in time :-) But it was a fait accompli, and she wasn't consulted. It would only have led to a "why do you need another bike?" question, and explaining that to an non-obsessive non-cyclist would be an exercise in futility - same with all my other hobbies!
To be honest, I've found it easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. It causes far less resentment - what if she said no? Providing we're not digging into common savings, neither my wife or I ever feel we need to discuss purchases, other than expensive travel plans or major purchases such as a car (and even then, it's so she can choose the colour :-).
It's great to have a partner who says "whatever makes you happy, darling"...but not all of us have these!
In any case, buying bikes is a relatively innocuous way to have your mid-life crisis. Much healthier and cheaper than a sports car and an affair with a younger woman :-)
Firstly a matter of definition:
A lie an an active untruth or deception. A failure to disclose to a purchase is not a lie. Denying the purchase if asked *is* a lie. This should be obvious.
For my next purchase, I did tell my wife, but only a day before the new bike arrived - just in time :-) But it was a fait accompli, and she wasn't consulted. It would only have led to a "why do you need another bike?" question, and explaining that to an non-obsessive non-cyclist would be an exercise in futility - same with all my other hobbies!
To be honest, I've found it easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. It causes far less resentment - what if she said no? Providing we're not digging into common savings, neither my wife or I ever feel we need to discuss purchases, other than expensive travel plans or major purchases such as a car (and even then, it's so she can choose the colour :-).
It's great to have a partner who says "whatever makes you happy, darling"...but not all of us have these!
In any case, buying bikes is a relatively innocuous way to have your mid-life crisis. Much healthier and cheaper than a sports car and an affair with a younger woman :-)
Personally I don't ask for permission nor forgiveness, nor necessarily talk it over before or after. And I do not recall ever having an argument over something I bought good times or bad. I couldn't say everyone should do it the way I do. Whatever works. But I can say, and I think this was Timothy's point, that if I DID have to lie about a purchase then that's just the reflection of a deeper problem between us, or a problem with one person or the other, and that's probably the case in general.
Obviously, traditional "lies" like wrapping gifts or hiding them is not part of this discussion.
09-01-17, 07:30 AM
#80
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Nope, my wife is a stay at home mom, I work, she takes care of the finances. She'd notice a chunk of change and the new bike in the garage. Not that I'd lie to her anyway, I respect her too much.
09-01-17, 07:41 AM
#81
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I didn't lie, I just didnt tell her about the new bike. We have a joint account which we both pay into and all of our bills are paid out of, I have separate accounts that have I have my spending money in. She is not active and could care less about a new bike. I just avoided the "you paid how much for a bicycle" conversation. It is no different then me paying for a volleyball or golf tournament entry fee and not telling her how much it costs.
And I am glad I did buy it because we just ended the relationship and I have a new bike I can enjoy more often now.
And I am glad I did buy it because we just ended the relationship and I have a new bike I can enjoy more often now.
09-01-17, 08:19 AM
#82
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dude.
lot of detail there.
lot of detail there.
09-01-17, 08:38 AM
#83
Senior Member
Let's put it this way. If you lie to your spouse about something, what is she or he lying to you about?
09-01-17, 08:41 AM
#84
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That's the ticket. For 35 years, my wife has been perceptive and discrete enough not to ask. And I've been considerate enough not to buy the Series 6 Emonda with Di2. (And she's supported the used Series 6 Domane with mechanical Dura Ace cuz it keeps me in better shape).
09-01-17, 08:44 AM
#85
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I see this all the time on the gun forums that I frequent too. One of the stock answers goes something to the effect of, "I sure hope that when I'm gone she doesn't sell them for what I TOLD her I paid for them".
Jon
Jon
09-01-17, 08:52 AM
#86
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I don't lie to her but I didn't tell her that I added N+1 this year and it was delivered when I was traveling
. Her reaction was "Oh, another bike?". Her only real concern is the amount of space left in the basement. She does know that I am planning on adding another bike when I retire.
. Her reaction was "Oh, another bike?". Her only real concern is the amount of space left in the basement. She does know that I am planning on adding another bike when I retire.
09-01-17, 08:55 AM
#87
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lying never crosses my mind. I pay for all the bikes for her & our adult kids. she has nothing to complain about
Last edited by rumrunn6; 09-01-17 at 11:53 AM.
09-01-17, 09:10 AM
#88
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09-01-17, 10:07 AM
#89
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I justify it by the cost per mile. Since buying it January 2015, I have 14,000 miles so it's cheaper than a $2000 bike with only 1000 miles.
09-01-17, 10:08 AM
#90
You gonna eat that?
Doesn't matter, as long as you take each other at face value.
__________________
I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.
Originally Posted by bragi 
"However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."
I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.
Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."
09-01-17, 10:12 AM
#91
You gonna eat that?
__________________
I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.
Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."
I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.
Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."
09-01-17, 10:21 AM
#92
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Approaching a 30 year anniversary of a marriage built on honesty and trust. All money is jointly contributed and controlled. We are well positioned in life, living debt free outside the small balance of a couple of mortgages. Purchases made under the $1k range are made freely and without the need for permission. Purchases made in the $1k - $5k range are usually made with a mention or explanation. Anything over $5k involves a discussion/agreement. These aren't hard and fast rules, but merely the way things have become between us. We have worked hard, been very fortunate, and have everything we need. I trust her judgement and she trusts mine.
I cannot imagine being in a committed relationship built on anything other than complete trust. I realize that a bicycle purchase may not be a major trust violation, but if ones financial station in life requires moderation at a certain price point then it becomes an issue of judgement and trust.
-Kedosto
I cannot imagine being in a committed relationship built on anything other than complete trust. I realize that a bicycle purchase may not be a major trust violation, but if ones financial station in life requires moderation at a certain price point then it becomes an issue of judgement and trust.
-Kedosto
09-01-17, 10:31 AM
#93
well hello there
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My wife is an avid hiker. I made the recent mistake of asking her how much she paid for a new set of carbon fiber walking sticks. They must have been campy super record.
And don't get me going on what she pays for a stupid haircut. It's crazy.
__________________
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Two wheels good. Four wheels bad.
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Two wheels good. Four wheels bad.
09-01-17, 10:37 AM
#94
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But I sure as hell don't advertise what I paid. I tell her "I bought it used for about half retail", which is true. I ride it a lot and am getting leaner, which she likes. Maybe I should justify in terms of dollars per pound lost. Nope, the denominator is too low.
09-01-17, 10:44 AM
#95
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My wife and I have separate bank accounts, and we are each responsible for certain bills and expenses each month. We have our own separate savings and 401k accounts. What we each do with our discretionary spending is not judged by the other, within reason.
I still think it's a good idea to consult her on large purchases, like my motorcycle or car. She's always been supportive and generally says "Get it!" when I do.
Lying is almost never a good idea...
I still think it's a good idea to consult her on large purchases, like my motorcycle or car. She's always been supportive and generally says "Get it!" when I do.
Lying is almost never a good idea...
09-01-17, 10:56 AM
#96
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09-01-17, 11:08 AM
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09-01-17, 04:07 PM
#99
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If my wife asks about, or sees an additional bike, i will address it, but not lie. She has her own cash to spend as she wants and I have mine (to an extent). KB
09-01-17, 08:18 PM
#100
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One of my wife's bikes cost more than 3 times the price of my best bike; and I'm not riding cheap bikes
My wife has been encouraging me to get a custom built frame for the last 5+ years. So far I've resisted her charm.
Last edited by Doug64; 09-01-17 at 09:19 PM.