DnvrFox

ATTITUDES TOWARDS OLDER FOLKS - RANT

Today, after swimming and resistance training, I stopped for breakfast on my bicycle ride. While eating, a neighbor widow lady about my age came in and I watched where she sat, with a group of similar-aged ladies and a younger lady.

So, upon finishing, I went to their table and said "Hi!" As I had my helmet on, it was pretty obvious what I was doing.

In pleasant conversatiom, my neighbor asked what I was doing, and I said I was riding a few miles. Immediately, the younger lady piped in, with a voice like she was talking to a child, saying something like, "Oh, exercise is so good for you. It's important to keep it up!" - directly implying that I was old and it was nice that I was getting a little bit of exercise.

This is the 2nd time in 2 days that I have had rhis attitude expressed to me, where someone in a condescending voice treats me as if I am a bit doddering and wasn't it nice that I was getting out a bit.

My problem is, I can't think of a good response. I'd like to say, "I've got another 30 miles to go, would you like to join me?" or something like that, but by the time I think of it, it is too late.

OTOH, I could just pass and say "Thank you!" and be on my way, or just say nothing, what is what I did today.

Any bright ideas?

This societal attitude towards older folks really bugs me at times. You see it on TV spots of older folks doing "good things" for others like making quilts or something similar. It is always sort of condescending and treating us as children.

This is one reason I hate it when we denigrate ourselves by calling ourselves "geezer," "old fart," and the like. I think it just adds to the ammunition.

OK

End of Rant.

Thanks for listening.

Velo Dog

My favorite examples are ads that portray "older people" (often just 50 or 55) as feeble-minded suckers, gullible enough to fall for every get-rich-quick scheme and home improvement scam that comes along. I do a radio talk show, and the other day the head of the local bar association (lawyers, not taverns) called to ask me to promote a new booklet they've done telling "seniors" how to avoid being cheated. It's full of helpful advice like "Don't sign a contract without reading it," "Lock your house when no one is home," "Leave a light on when you'll be out late" and "Be leery of anyone who comes to your door claiming to have 'materials left over from a project in the neighborhood' and offers to roof your house for $250."
If I were that stupid, I wouldn't have lived to be 64...

buzzman

I seldom check in on the 50+ forum but this thread happened to catch my eye.

I agree that culturally we suffer from a disrespect of persons as they age and we can (and will, if we live long enough) all be a "victim" of it.

But, hopefully, with age comes a certain amount of wisdom. While the patronizing, condescending tone of the woman may have been real the only part of you that it really affected was your ego. Healthy detachment from the ego would be my suggestion. Let it go. By this time in our lives we have the pleasure of knowing that there are far more fundamental aspects of life and being alive than any attachment to such insubstantial commentary.

DnvrFox

So, to sum it up, there is something wrong with me.

BluesDawg

bingo!

DnvrFox

I can always count on my friends!

Rick@OCRR

There's nothing wrong with you, and as far as I can tell from your post, you did the right thing. Yes, you may have felt a bit hurt by the woman's tone of voice, but you didn't strike back, you just let it go.

Good job Mr. Fox! . . . that's what I say anyway.

Rick / OCRR (who is actually loving the word "Geezer!")

DnvrFox

It's rampant.

The world is coming to an end.

Even our OWN!!

DnvrFox

Send me that pamphlet, QUICK!!

My doorbell is ringing, my roof is leaking, and I don't know what to do!

BengeBoy 

+1

I typically only think of really "clever" responses 2 or 3 hours later. Usually better to just smile and let it go, though I can't say I always follow my own advice.

ModeratedUser150120149

Yep, there is rampant discrimination against older folks. Sometimes it is expressed as some patronizing comment or action. Other times it is expressed as aggressive acts to make things so difficult no one could measure up.

What surprised me was to find that many of our peers are just as bigoted against us as the younger people. Amazing how many obese or way weak people just don't think we ought to be doing what we do.

So, maybe it is a combination of age and living outside the pigeon hole?

What to do? I've adopted a pretty much in your face attitude.// I'm doing it, why aren't you??? // Oh you can't ride for 20 miles? How come? // Your knees hurt all the time? Have you tried exercise? //

An aquaintance who is in my age bracket.was complaining he wasn't as strong as he used to be. Knowing what I do in addition to cycling he asked me what my workout routine was. After I told him her replied: "I couldn't do that I would hurt! You mean you actually get sweaty?" "I just shook my head and went away."

But there are some real benefits when I go to the doc. I don't get the cookbook treatment. If there is something that will benefit me I get it when other people my age don't; simply because I am fit and the docs think their efforts are worthwhile. The usual elder doesn't take good care of themself and so is a frustrating patient.

Road Fan

NO! To receive such comments is to be put in a very tough position - you can't be honest with yourself and you can't be direct and honest with that young lady. I actually thought your "invitation" to her is what could have changed her jingoistic attitude, given with good humor so it didn't seem rancorous.

"Do you ride bikes, miss? Well, then, feel free to join us - we're halfway through and it's only another 30 miles today!"

You'd be showing her the truth, but in a way that might not put her down.

But, it's a tough position.

deraltekluge

In a science fiction story I read once upon a time (and recall nothing else about), there was a society that had only two laws:

1) Do not offend others.

2) Do not be easily offended.

cyclezen

Dnvr, you're just such a Geez! (term of endearment)
nobody has comebacks ready for any occasion (now there's a book to be written), so you gotta pick a 'style'/attitude' and let sometin rip. There's the 'In your face', 'cynical', 'studmuffin' and one I prefer mostly 'humorous self-denigration' (mostly cause I'm a clown ) So just Blurt something out, from the heart, appropriate, and not worry iff'n it don;t quite hit the bullseye. That kinda stuff works even if its only handgrenade close.
like... "dang gurl, this getting old thang sometimes is not so bad, otherwise after just doin the 30 miles to get here, I'd prolly be a little concerned about doing the 30 back... short-term memory lose is a good thing... uh... what was your name?... 30 miles?... uh... (then loudly) hey! anyone wanna go for a bike ride?
everyone will have a good hoot, the yungun will figure out how stupid her comment was - and iff'n she doesn't figure it out, well, we should be kind to the slow folks...

does irk the **** outta me also, but whaddya gonna do?
sortta the same thing done to Dads on Sitcoms...
best is not to let it sour your moment.
ergo when you call yourself 'geez', it's empowering
most of those who do the 'denigrate the old fart' thing are clueless.
so you have options, to 'bite them on their hand' when they try to pet, 'piss on their shoe' after their attempt of denigration
or be funny, confident and obviously 1/2 dozen moves ahead of them...

denigrate away, dude - itz showin da luv!

Dnvrfox, you my GEEZ!

maddmaxx 

At the age of almost 63 I am a mere youngster to you but I would like to point out that the folks in this forum tend to be just a bit toward the end of the curve. The bike riding, exercise and generally getting out has indeed left us 10 to 20 years younger than our contemporaries.

As far as the young ones go, let them think anything they like. It's necessary to keep them happy and well fed.............their paying our social security!

cranky old dude

Dnvr, there is no appropriate response to any person who talks down to you in that sing-song baby talk manner. They already know everything. No matter what you say be it clever, insulting, polite, or rude the offending baffoon will just assume the response is a comment from some tottering old fogeywho's no longer capable of cognative thought and not worthy of concern.

So don't sweat it! Your neighbors know you, your lifestyle, and community involvement. They either straightened out the young lady after you left, or know her to be too bull headed to bother with.

kr32

She may have said the excat same thing to anyone, noncyclists have no clue really.
I would have done nothing other than agreeing with her and ride on!~

alcanoe

My "bright idea" is that you are possibly overly sensitive about your age and don't give people the benefit of the doubt. Being almost 70, I sometimes run into the same comments. I take them as complementary as the older folks that are even remotely fit are in a tiny minority and therefore stand out. Matter of fact, anybody at any age that is even remotely fit is in the tiny minority and stand out. Therefore the "stand outs" draw comments.

My attitude is that generally old people suck. So many are bores constantly focusing on their inactivity caused sicknesses and decay.

Al

linux_author

you lost me at breakfast... all i want to know is:

1) what did you have for breakfast, and did it contain enough fiber?

2) did you get your senior citizen's discount on the tab?

:-)

freeranger

If we were younger, we'd think of those clever replies quicker!
Just kidding! I'm sure it's our wisdom that keeps those clever replies tucked away, and allows our better judgement to override wanting to come back with a sharp, cutting reply!

crtreedude 

You can always say "If you want to have any hope of reaching my age, now is the time to start..."

The Weak Link

Feeling kinda spry today, are we?

Maybe you could go high-ball with them: "When you're pushing 90, you gotta take good care of yourself".

DnvrFox

Sshhhh!!

Don't tell anyone, because I was eating at Mickie D's, and had a muffin and egg (no greasy meat) and a fruit-filled low-fat yogurt parfait. Their senior discount is on coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

I didn't want to admit that publicly, because someone always writes the obligatory something like, "McD's - hope you are still alive" or something like that. So, PLEASE don't tell anyone else!

Kotts

+1

It's less likely to be age-ism than cluelessness about bicycles and cycling. I have peers who are completely blown away by my 30 mile bike commute. Most people's idea of "a bike ride" is 7 - 10 mph for no more than 30 minutes.

DnvrFox

Made my morning!!!