Give me a one line response.
 

New guy at work walks into my cube: "There's a bike in your cubicle."
Me: "Yeah."
Guy: "Are you homeless?"
Me:

Give me a one line response.

You got something against the homeless?

No, I have this cubicle

Are you brainless?

No - I keep it at home when I'm there

Bike? Oh, it just followed me in from the streets

If I didn't have my bike, there'd be no room in the cubicle for my ass

I'm training for the Tour de WhatTheHellisYourProblem



I can do more if you like.....

"no I'm carless"

- ok it's not funny, but anyone asking that question really has his head up his a**, and doesn't deserve much more than that.

Yes. And I left my grocery cart full of my stuff locked to the pole outside. Here's your sign.
(make hand motion of giving him a sign)-(Bill Engval-Here's your sign jokes)

You: Not since I got my job here! When did you move in? :p

Me: "you must be new here".
or
"you'll have one soon enough in your cube too" then just walk away smirking with a quiet laugh
or
"if there's a duck in the park it doesn't mean I'm hungry"
or
"nope"
or
"supercalifragilisticexpealidocious"
or
"one plus one does not equal three"
or
"the Peter Principal is alive and well here"
or
"yes, yes I am homeless,(and go into a 14 minute dialog here making stuff up as you go along)"
or
"no, I've got a house down on (pick some super expensive address near work) that I've paid for with the money I've saved over the years by using that bike"
or
"I guess you didn't get the memo, eh?"

this is good. short and sweet.

Then there is Steve Sweeney approach.

Walk up a little too close to the guy stare him in the eye say in a very fast in a slightly demented voice.

"I tell you one thing Bubba, a guy came down here the other day and tried to tell me a Thunderbird and A T-bird are the same GD car........My wife left me in 1964 I left her in 1956...... Ice cream don't have bones.....Don't you talk to Me about newlyweds.....(finish by wagging your finger in his face)

Sit back own at your desk, and ignore him.

He will leave you alone after that.

No. Are you?

How about you say:

"Are you stupid?"

If he gets offended just say you are simply asking a question too.

reply: when are you scheduled for lap-band surgery?

Nice suit. Does it come in your size?

"We hired you?"

"All your base are belong to us!!"

"Home is where the heart is."

"Probably."

Just grunt and kick him in the shin, really hard.

"Only when the trash guys steal my refrigerator box"

"No, but I play one on TV"

Sammyboy has it right, by far.

"If I didn't have my bike, there'd be no room in the cubicle for my ass" might be a little too sophisticated of a joke for Guy to get it in a timely manner, but I have a great visual of an exaggerated delivery of "training for the Tour de WHATTHEHELLISYOURPROBLEM?!"

That one is a winner.

"Define 'home'."

"No, but you can sleep in my cubicle when I go home if you need a place to stay"

i think you should just stand up and smack him on the forehead.

what a complete dumbass. do you have to work with this guy on a daily basis? who says such a stupid thing??

you: no, your wife took my car keys last night.

"I'm garageless."

ouch :eek::D

"Spare change?"

Yeah, but my mom says I can come to her house whenever I want. :D