School me on your experiences with cycling as a new parent (dad)
 

Hey all, looking to hear about peoples experiences transitioning to first time parenthood, and how you navigated your relationship with riding during the early times. I am fortunate to be able to get some time off, but I don't currently have high expectations for myself, or for the amount of time I have initially to commit to my fitness due to helping carry the load with my spouse and a lack of sleep.

Thanks for sharing any experiences or advice you have!

I wasn't a cyclist when my kids were young, but I was a runner. I would get up a 5 am before the kids were up, get the run in and be back before they woke up. Nowadays, I still get in a long ride before the kids wake up, but the kids are teens and don't wake up before noon.

Having an understanding spouse is probably the most important thing.

Expect to gain awesome core strength from carting them around for a few years.

Have a 4.5 year old and a 1 month old. With the first I was new to cycling so 15-20 miles was all about I could do. My wife had this bed time ritual she would do with my first, and that’s when I would ride. It was at night around 7:30 ish and I would ride for about an hour.

Kid number 2, was born on the 4th. In 4.5 years my mileage has increased exponentially. I ride a lot now. Typically 50-60 miles a day, a little less in the winter. When child number 2 was born, I was riding at night. I would put my daughter to sleep at 7:30, suite up and ride, usually getting done around mid night.

My coach kept telling me to knock it off. He’s in his 60s, and has lost alot of friends to cars. I didn’t mind riding at night, but he kind of turned me off to it, and I prefer mornings.

So for the last two weeks, I have been waking up at 3 am to get on the road by 4. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I have to be back at the house by 630 am to wake the daughter up to do the school thing. Sat, Sun, Mon, and Fri wife gives me a little more wiggle room. 8-830 ish.

Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain 3 am til about 9 am so I worked it out with the wife to ride after lunch.


As far as riding super early goes, I absolutely love it. I feel fresh in the morning, virtually no traffic, and the few cars I do see give me a lot of room. Stop lights don’t turn red, I feel like I have my town to myself. Some areas can be creepy, but gives me an excuse to dial it up.

I bring two headlights, one is a back up in case the first malfunctions. I have a bontrager flare tail light, and a garmin varia with the camera.


Honestly, the hardest part is getting up. Once you do it a couple of times it gets easier.

I already put in 1,000 miles this month. Most miles I have done in a January yet, 95 percent of them are out doors. Really just comes down to how motivated you are.

Our first child brought about a long intermission in my cycling. Prior to getting married and having children at a young age, I rode all the time. I don't know if it would have made a difference, but I often think that had I got my wife into riding a bike, we could have also included the kids and they would have possibly developed the same interest in cycling I had. But that is a big if.

What kind of miles do you currently ride and how much time do you spend with your hobby now? Is your wife also a cyclist? What has she said if anything on the subject thus far?

after my kids were born, I found myself cycling at night after my wife and kids were in bed. I was able to get in some miles and decompressed while everyone was fast asleep. It was the best option for me for several years. As they got older and more independent, I was able to transition to more of a normal process, I then started cycling with my kids, but they did not see the benefits of it like I did.

for the most part - you will possibly and probably have more time to ride now and during the next year or two - than you will later

During the first 6 months I continued to ride a lot, like during pregnancy. However, once he started moving around, and wasn't nursing constantly, I ended up alternating with my wife 1 hour work outs every other day. Since I also do weights and running that meant that, more or less I had a pretty long hiatus of not much riding. When he was 3 we started giving each other a weekend morning kid free so I'd do one long ride a week. During the pandemic I got back to what I'd consider the amount of riding I want to do, along with the amount of parenting and partnering I want to do. Now that he's 10 it's all pretty easy. However, for those first years I felt pretty torn between my bike and my kid.

we have a 4 year old and an 11 year old.

there's a brief period at the beginning where i'd avoid any kind of cycling activity with the little one, and overall saddle time would be very limited. i wasn't seriously into cycling when our older daughter was born. but the younger one has been on a seat in the back of my commuter/errand bike for years, and the older one has been self propelled since long before her sister was born. we go almost everywhere on bikes, bikes+ferries, bikes+trains, etc.

as for my "solo" cycling, which takes far more hours and is probably what you're asking for, i try to squeeze in two or three 1-2 hour rides during the weekday, to or from work or if i can take a long lunch. on the weekend i get in one long ride, either saturday or sunday, while the kids have mom time. around 500 miles/month. i reciprocate with a block of dad time the other weekend day, usually with the three of us on bikes for an adventure. for weekdays, my rule is that it has to be roughly within extended business hours. i make the kids breakfast, get them to school, read stories at bedtime, but anything in between there is fair game.

the current debate is about whether the 11 year old should ride to school by herself. it's close, but very steep hills, and drivers of automobiles, well, we know how that goes. there are bike lanes, but none are separated by anything other than paint between here and her school.

on the solo ride side, communicate with your wife/partner. miserable people make miserable parents, so don't immediately assume it's just selfish for you to need a little time here or there. and once the little one is big enough, include them as much as possible! bikes and parenthood/childhood are super compatible, IMO.

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/bikefor...5ee5085125.jpg

There is a reason the Velominate refer to it as "breeding and blimping."

Congrats on the whole parenthood thing. Little kids are wonderful. But your life, and your personal needs, will now usually come in second place. That's just how it is. So, reduce your expectations and enjoy family life.

If you do it well, they grow up and move out of your house, and then you will have plenty of free time. Play the long game and you can indeed 'have it all' - just not all at once.

This reminds me that I used to ride to school solo from about 7 or 8 years old. No major hills, but a lot of traffic and several major road crossings. But I'm not sure I would let our 10-year-old daughter ride to school. Maybe we're being over-protective these days? It's a tough call because there is a degree of serious danger involved. But on the other hand, experiencing those dangers will stand them in good stead in their adult lives. The flip-side is that one girl in my class at primary school was killed crossing one of the busy roads I mentioned. She was on foot rather than riding, but unsupervised. But on the whole 99% of us survived unscathed. She was the unfortunate one.

To answer the OP, your life schedule will completely change and it will keep on changing for the next couple of decades as the parenting demands change over time! Our daughters are now 13 and 10 and I have less free time now than when they were born. Things don't get easier beyond nappy changes!

Thanks for your input. I’m currently consistently getting 3 weekday rides of about 1:00 to 1:15, and a longer weekend ride of 2:00-3:00. Occasionally ill squeeze in an extra hour or so on the other weekend day. Five hours is pretty standard, ranging up to 7. My wife rides but is uncomfortable on the roads and much prefers the peloton in the basement. Longer term we’ve discussed trying mountain biking which i grew up with but she did not. We of course both have lofty goals to continue pursuits that we both enjoy, and she supports my hobbies. We’ve really talked about taking it one day at a time, finding 20-30 minutes to get the legs moving, and just seeing how things normalize.

When my kids were little (this was back in the late 90s) they’re both in their 20s now), I purchased a used steel frame road bike with slightly bigger tires (think gravel size in today’s bikes) and mounted a child seat on it. I started taking them on rides of 15-20 miles before they could even walk. But they enjoyed it as the rush of fresh air (or maybe it was boredom) usually put them to sleep. I worked nights, and my wife worked days so we got lost of riding in. It was a rear mounted seat. At the time those front-mounted child seats weren’t widely available. It wasn’t ideal miles. But it was miles. Another key to this was riding location. When riding with the kids, I stuck to a MUP that was just a couple miles from our house. The streets/roads to it were safe, with bike lanes. I wasn’t comfortable with them on busier roads.


Tips
Make sure you have diaper changing supplies. Don’t get out of the saddle to crank uphill, for example. They kid’s head whips back and forth. Snacks and/or beverage. Give the child a few toys, but tie them to the seat or they’ll get thrown overboard. Helmet, eye, and sun protection. You might consider some sort of flat tire prevention. I did have a few flats while riding with the kid and did manage to make repairs. But obviously it’s a challenge.

Dan

- Plan ride time in advance. Exercise is still important and a baby really doesnt care if you arent at home every free moment. Just make sure to allow free time for your spouse/partner to get out and do whatever they like. Its really easy when healthy communication exists.
- Adjust ride time to make it less inconvenient. Maybe super early. Maybe really late. Maybe middle of the day during naptime.
- Look into Zwift. Its the easiest way to get 30-60min of riding in and you can be right near the baby in case they wake up.
- This isnt really helpful, but its true- I had more free time when my kids were infants than I had when they were elementary age. And now that they are middle school and high school age, I have even less free time. Once a routine is down for a newborn/infant/toddler, just decide to take time and do it.

- Once they are old enough to come along- bring them along. We had a Burly and while it was OK when the kids were really small, its super boring because they are in a bubble. We bought a WeeHoo and it opened up a lot of options as a result. We could ride longer because our youngest was out in the air and talking with us instead of just in a little bubble with some books and snacks.
- Ride to a playground or park, tire them out, then drop em off and go for a ride of your own.

- Down the road, get them a balance bike like a Strider. Every kid Ive seen with one of those picks up riding without training wheels much faster.

One of the best answers so far. Once they hit school age the parents become taxis. Divide and conquer becomes the norm with the factions going separate ways to get everything covered. As for newborns, our first one had to use formula. The agreement between the wife and I was her watch/responsibilty was from 7am-10pm. I took the 10pm-7am watch. It worked out well.

We bought a tandem and trailer when we were expecting our first. Baby went in an infant seat strapped in the trailer; she had ~400 miles her first year.

Having said that, my annual mileage dropped to about 25% of prior years; my wife dropped even more.

I'd ride early mornings while everyone was asleep. We would take the tandem and trailer out 2-3 times per week for short rides.

It's all about prioritising. Your schedule will keep on changing over the coming weeks, months and years and you just have to adapt and prioritise. We basically gave up watching TV, which freed up a load of time. We did continue cycling and skiing, although the timing schedules changed along the way. I'm now very much in the "taxi" driver stage as seypat put it. Someone has to be taken somewhere pretty much all the time and walking/cycling is not an option where we live. One teen and one pre-teen is proving to be very time-consuming for us. I've even had to give up work in recent years.

The first few months of new parenthood is awesome and also a blur. Personally I'd put cycling on the back burner for a bit and not worry about it. Just enjoy the time with your new kid and try to get some sleep. Ride when you can, but don't beat yourself up if it's not happening. After a few months things will level out, your baby will start to become more fun and everyone will be sleeping normally, and you should be able to get back into a routine.

As a new parent, I definitely gravitated towards more indoor riding, finding time in evenings or early mornings during the week to get rides in. I'm 7 years into this parenting experiment, and my weekend time in particular is still very crunched, more so now than when my child was first born. I still find time to ride (and race) but it's not always easy. There are lots of scheduled weekend activities in our house that definitely eat into bike time. I'm fortunate to have an awesome partner who understands and encourages my cycling habit. I also now have a 7-year-old who loves riding bikes, which is awesome because it means I can spend Saturday AM riding with my training group, and Sunday AM riding with my kid at the local park, pump track, MTB trails, etc. Everyone wins.

With my first child, I didn't slow down. I was racing regularly, and on my bike 4-5 days a week. Training rides after work Tues-Thurs, and racing or training both days on the weekends, was my typical schedule. I was self-absorbed in my passion for cycling, and ignored all the signs that it was a problem. It wasn't the only factor - but definitely one of the factors - that lead to my wife asking for divorce before our daughter was 2yo.

Second wife...followed by a second child. Up to that point, being a shared-custody dad meant I had plenty of training time. I had been racing for 12 years, had some fun success as a Cat 3 (including a State Champ title), and had been upgraded to Cat 2. At the end of the season, however, I hung it up. Completely. I learned from my previous mistake, and didn't want to repeat it. I had also come to the point where my motivation to keep pushing my body was fading. I put my focus on being a dad and a husband, and shifted my hobby energy to something I could do (mostly) at home - playing music. As my younger daughter grew, she got into playing softball, and I set music aside to take that journey with her. I shifted my energy to learning about the game, and spent a few years as a team coach, until the coach-daughter relationship started getting strained. I got off the field, and settled into to just being a dad, watching his kid do awesome things in her sport. In the last few years of that 10-year softball journey, I was significantly overweight, and starting to see some troubling health numbers. I figured out how to get back on the bike in the small slivers of time between family/softball demands. My daughter - 15yo at this time - didn't need so much hands-on time, so time windows started opening up for me to ride. However, in her 10 years of playing her sport, with and against some of the best players in the country, I never missed a single game, including a multitude of out-of-town trips. Some times of the year didn't allow much time to ride, others did, and some weeks were better than others, too. My fitness grew, my fatness shrunk, and I got back to the point where I could ride with my friends who didn't take a break from riding.

My older daughter is 23, and recently gave birth to my first grandson. My younger daughter is 18, and away for her freshman year of college. I'm on my bike 4 days a week, and starting to feel pretty darn good. However, I have zero regrets about taking a break from it to focus on my family.

This post shows so much insight and reflection, Eric. Without directly telling anyone what to do, you've offered a lot of great advice.

I do agree but am sad it led to a divorce.

I am divorced now, but when the little ones were actually little, I integrated them into my outdoor passions. We camped, hiked, paddled whitewater, rode bicycles, and hiked.

I'm in no position to tell anyone what to do, especially with their own kids. I can share my journey, and what I've learned from it. If someone can find value it in, great. If not, no big deal. Anyone critical of the choices I've made will never be more harsh than my own self-criticism as I came to terms with my own mistakes. Everyone's journey is different.

YMMV (as I know there are folks who race and train with kids in carseats), but for me (a 2500-3500mi/yr rider), it was basically a 5 year "get out when I can" trade-off. Also depends on the Wife and how the two of you have expectations of each other and of your lifestyle, as it does change a ton (and yes, cliche's aside, 99.9% for the better :D) Do get used to the idea of 45min on the trainer in May when the weather's nice because you're racing between naps and meetings and outside is too far away in case the baby wakes up or you're needed.

Definitely won't have those 6hr Saturday rides (at least I didn't), like I said, all comes down to how you and your wife work things out.

I will say this, though, it's a tradeoff I'd make every time. Congrats and enjoy




*most of the time, they're teenagers now ;)