Has been paying a guy named Oscar to smack him around behind the Dobly Theater dumpsters while he rubs off to pictures of ahsposo and thook he stole from the police registry.

Decided to live his life in service so he found a blind dog to lead around.

Isn't technically blind just has a recurring case of pink eye in both eyes from bobbing for "snickers bars" in his local truck stop restroom

Is a brave man, a very brave man; he has no fear of appearing ridiculous.

On Egg Day, he always tips the scale in his favor.




https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/bikefor...66096a9c60.png

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...decided that Easter would be a good day to come back to Jesus, so he went to sunrise services this morning. This ill considered move led to him being struck by lightning, along with three innocent bystanders, who were just collateral damage.

Has a slightly different meaning to coming to Jesus and has been banned from all his local churches and one Christian Science Theater 3000

.
...he called Jesus on the main line, hoping to tell him what he wants. Still on hold.

Actually I sat on his lap at the mall, he smelled like wine and said he wanted to play with my wood so I knew it had to be him. However when he turned the water into lemonade that smelled a lot like pee I did question things but I knew he couldn't lead me astray.

.
..."astray" is some place other than where he lives, down in the basement of that derelict townhouse in East Philadelphia.

In West Philadelphia born and raised on the big screen is where I spent most of my days
Chillin out, Maxin' Relaxin all Cool and slappin' comedians who make my wife look a fool
when a couple guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and the academy says "you can keep all your trophies you just can't show up in person"...

Turned Tucker on to testicle tanning. He's a nut browner from way back.

.
...he's injected more testosterone than Lance Armstrong, and his massive guads and buff physique are proof of concept.

Taking a clue from Turner Broadcasting, he's taking his old black and white lies and colorizing them for a new audience...

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...his personal weblog of conspiracy theories contains numerous entries, that link the Turner Broadcasting colorization of old, classic B+W films to Jane Fonda and critical race theory.

Took his trusty white plastic spork to KFC where he fought the slaw and the slaw won...

.
...even after all these years, he is still deeply conflicted about the choice between original recipe and extra crispy. Sometimes, he lies in bed awake at night, wrestling with the moral conundrum.

.
...he never projects his own life issues onto others here.

Projects Japanese Tentacle "adult videos" on the local high school.

San Francisco hasn't forgot the time he decided to free his pet octopus into their bay.



https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/bikefor...d3e4eb19d9.jpg

His mom kept the turtle and flushed him down the toilet.

...
...flush with cash from his massive recent federal income tax refund, and sick to death of all the lying, he has decided to spend it all on a campaign for local political office. He's still deciding between running for city council, a seat on the local school board, or dog catcher. Each of those positions comes with unspoken "fringe benefits".

3alarmer is ahsposo 's secret mistress he is having an affair with while he is running for public office. The scandal hasn't broken yet but TMZ is set to release it next week along with 3alarmer helping DJT join the mile high club on his private jet. His adult film star name is Stormin' Norman Daniels.

.
...his idea of the perfect lie, is not the one that makes you throw up in your mouth a little bit.

You have to hand it to him, he's persistent; he's been working on a snappy comeback now for years...