Wove the ties that bind

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.....made a huge fortune at a young age in puts and calls. Cashed it all in to live a life of quiet contemplation and reflection.

His family (a fun dysfunctional sort) is putting the 'nasty' in dynasty.

Sort of a "Keeping up with the Kardashians" deal...

Puts the member in melon.

Puts the 'tent' in ostentatious, inattention, and in pretentious the showy basterd...

Is getting a tattoo of Kim and Kanye on his chest to commemorate their wedding.

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....she "has a guy" for tattoos, who works cheaply and doesn't ask too many questions.

Puts the much kneeded 'ken' in chicken...

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....When he plays with his collection of Barbie dolls, the Ken dolls get kneaded a lot, if you know what I mean. nttawwt

Was mistaken for a Super Toe™ one too many times as a boy, hence the flat spot on his head.

Puts the 'tip' in constipation.

Puts the 'daily sex' in dyslexia.

Doesn't know and doesn't care if he is ignorant vs. apathetic.

Has a secret store of colonoscopy videos that he keeps from his wife.

was the wife. Found them.

Commutes to work by trebuchet.

Mr. Fancy Pants here is too good for a catapult.

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...he's currently working on a very secret project to reduce the costs for colonoscopy by using a small catapult to reduce overall time spent per procedure. No fatalities yet.

Puts the 'bore' in labored.

puts the worth in reading this thread.

Puts the 'lame' in flameout.

had a one trick pony and forgot to feed it

Put the 'scab' in scabies.

Puts the 'gah' in naugahyde.

Put the rump in Harumpphhh...