Pills and Ills Hospital Humor
 

Got a SHORT story, or laughable line......


Doc did an ultrasound of my pelvic area, rectally inserted.

He is a cyclist and knows I ride. Nice guy, so far.

I asked after procedure, "How did it go?"

"A little ******(shatty), but Good News - there will be room to get all my tools in there."
Funny, but not funny!

I guess they didn't find anything bad. interesting procedure! yikes! :eek:

Oh gosh, more old age stuff to look forward to.

I hope and wish you all the best outcome if further procedures or treatment is needed.

.....it's the jokes boyz, it's the jokes.


This is not a sympathy, support, nor diagnostic thread.

Doctor informed me at my age 49 annual physical that I had a colonoscopy to look forward to at age 50. I told him that meant I had one year to find a new doctor.

He was getting ready to perform a prostate exam, which I am not to fond of and was trying everything to get out of his office without that experience. He put it all in perspective when he politely informed me that it was not his favorite thing to do either. I relented.

I’ve never understood the fairly common reluctance to have prostate or colon exams. Surely the minor unpleasantness is far better than the potential consequences and treatment/excision of cancers later on. Be brave and possibly save your life!

so I've been thinking about changing my GP. can't help but include the "clinical" investigations into my choice calculus. meaning, do I go for the petite woman or the athletic older man? or do I stick with the younger doc I have now? seriously, when I consider changing/choosing I can't help but think about that brief moment where one drops their drawers. I used to have a female GP & it was fine. been thinking a male about 10 years older than me, would have a better perspective for where I'm headed physically

After a while you'll start thinking in terms of, "Who's a good doctor that's 20 years younger than me so I don't have to go find another one when s/he retires?"

Obama told a joke like this at the press roast one year - he said they found Mitch McConnel up there and "that guy can obstruct ANYTHING".
OK, that's political but Obama knew how to tell a joke.

I like to put the physicians at ease when they need to do personal/intimate stuff - I tell them my objective is to be their favorite patient and there's nothing they can do to embarrass me... they usually appreciate that. Also, I like doctors with small fingers.

I was just past the age where I had discovered the allure of the opposite sex and was taken to the base clinic for a sports physical. In walks a younger, attractive, female military physician. Her instruction to turn your head and cough was a difficult concept to grasp.
I honestly feel sorry for young women who face a male gyno for the first time. Could be rather traumatic.

hmmm interesting, they don't show hands in profile photos on medical center websites, sometimes their no photo & you just have to pick a name

oh yeah, good point. I wonder what age Docs retire at these days. in the old days they hung on forever

True story when I got a vasectomy about 30 years ago the urologist was a female and she had me come in a week before to see if we would be compatible. I was like what do you mean and she said she needed to make sure I would be comfortable with her handling my balls....I said as long as you are gentle I will be fine with it, I was so procedure was scheduled a week later and I get there and she says "hey if you don't mind we have a class of nursing students who would like to observe" I kid you not there were like 15 20 year girls there. I declined lol.

my GP who I actually met through cycle racing just retired at early 60's. His replacement looks like he is 25yoa so I should be good for a while.

My buddy was late to work and said he had to have a prostate examine and it was very troubling, and he said he was worried....everyone was like what is up and after a long somber pause he said....during the exam he noticed the dr had both hands on his shoulders....

:thumb: my dentist recently retired & I've got a new younger guy now. thankfully NOT in his 20s ... I think when your profession relies on your manual dexterity & experience working w/ your hands, there's some value to maturity

That is definitely something to consider. I recently found out the dentist I have been seeing for 35 years has retired. I have not looked for a replacement yet.

You guys need to take the Presidential Intelligence Test, your cognitive ability to follow a thread is declining.

Back on point. I looked one up for inspiration.

Hospital Doc calls man: "Your wife was just admitted to the hospital"
Man replies: "How is she?"
Doc: "She is very critical, I'm sad to report"
Man: "Don't worry Doc, she's like that with everyone."

Revised for today's gender / other sensibilities: :thumb:

Hospital Doc calls to individual: "Your partner has just been admitted to the hospital."
Individual: "How is It?"
Doc: "It is very critical, I'm reporting" (the word 'sad' might make a privileged person 'unhappy' w/ th yoke)
Individual: "Don't worry Doc, It has been like that with everyone."


......different but still humorous, for One's modern, personal take. :p. Maybe more, upon reflection.
......if red is controversial, We can make it green.

I had an event last February and landed in the hospital for a few days. The pulmonologist was summoned to "the bait shop." It's what they called the ER.

Doctor: "Don't be embarrassed, many men experience an erect-tion during a prostate exam."

Patient: "Yeah, but doc, you're the one with the erect-tion."

Lol, same here and while I was bemoaning the fact to my Dr. of well over 20 yrs, he unsympathetically stated well the exam takes 10 seconds at most and 1 day he says I did the quick math of how long time wise I have performed this exams. It’s way too many hrs so he laughed and said don’t complain to me

I just had a bilateral Orchiectomy as the 1st treatment procedure for my Gleason 10 Prostate Cancer

In the recovery room waking from General anesthesia the nurse asks me *How are you feeling?

In the highest soprano voice I could muster I replied -- "Very well thank you"

https://i.imgur.com/0JcaprE.png
I don't know where I got that cartoon... might've been here.




The thing about getting a prostate exam is you have to find something else to talk about. Have some topics ready, maybe a joke or story.

https://i.imgur.com/GKFtxI4.png

Prostate exam "finger up the ass" humor. YIKES!

I can't say I've ever had any of these embarrassing moments - erection or ejaculation. Though it wasn't pleasant to say the least and each time it was done, I had wet farts for the rest of the day. Eccccch!!! :eek: