I don't recall anything intelligible, since it seems the people who yell things at cyclists don't understand how things like the Doppler effect work. I like to pretend that they said something nice, and so I put on a big smile, give a big friendly wave, and yell, "HI!!"

One time, riding in a long string of riders on a road with a wide bikelane, I did just this, and I saw the shouter pounding the roof of his pickup in frustration at that. Made my day.

Yep, just smile and wave. Don't give them what they want.

Blow them a kiss.

Had an otherwise rational person give me the 'bikers should pay taxes!' talk yesterday. I explained the flaw in his logic to him and he agreed, and also admitted he was frustrated by a bad interaction with a cyclist a few days ago.

The stupidest people are the ones who pass my small hatchback in their full size trucks at 140km/h (same 3 or 4 people every day on my commute between two small towns), and grouse about the cost of gas.

"Hey! Fat Azz (im a Clyde) Taco Bell is the other way !"

The stupidest ever?
A guy who had crashed his pickup and had one front wheel pointing 90 degrees out of phase with the other said "if you just give me some gas I'll be on my way." He tested .35 BAC

Stupidest when I was on a bike? "... I just misjudged your speed..." explaining why he right hooked me and forced me to take an extreme evasive maneuvre to avoid getting splatted.

Right! Does your minivan have a speedometer? Were you following me for a few blocks? Did you see that I was going 27 MPH in a 25 MPH zone?

If the answer to any of the above questions is not "yes", then this guy should have his license to drive revoked.

I've had the obvious ones ("get on the sidewalk", "it's not legal to ride on the road", "you don't pay 'road tax' (whatever that is)" etc) My favorite was probably the guy who pulled up behind a large group of us and started honking... on an empty four lane road at 5:45 am. There was an entire empty left lane for him to use to pass us, we were in the right lane, no traffic anywehere, no right turns he was trying to get to, bright daylight but this guy just DID NOT want to go into the left lane and go around us. He finally slammed around us with his engine racing, screaming obsenities out his open window, cutting back into the right lane sharply... on a completely open road. It was so bizarre that we weren't even angry, it was just funny. He just NEEDED the whole damned road, why were we taking his road?

Overweight young stranger in a base-model Camry: "What's the matter, old man? Can't you afford a car at your age? Get off the street!"

[It was the street that we happened to live on and I happened to own a Mercedes-Benz at the time...]

Yelling from their car, "You're suppose to ride SINGLE FILE". I was riding behind my husband, single file IN THE BIKE LANE!

A few years ago a cycle path was layed along one of my regular cycling roads. The driver of the steamroller who was laying the path yelled at me, telling me to get off the road and onto the path.

I could have taken his advice and been turned into a modern day Flat Stanley 😁

,

I get dumb arses saying the same thing to me all the time. You would think they would know that where I live because we have Amish in buggies that take up the entire lane, and the Amish ride bikes all over the country, but nope, motorists don't have a clue.

I had a guy threaten to kill me because I was on the road? I told him to call 911 and explain the situation to the dispatch, he sped off.

“Why don’t you take a more mature way to work.”

People don't general yell from cars here. Usually I can't understand them anyways. I give them the shrugged shoulders didn't understand gesture. There has been a slight uptick in people just screaming to scare me. Yawn.

So, what kind of wise crack was that? I drive cars, and still do, long before you were ever a glimmer in your mommy's eyes; that kind of remark you made must mean you haven't weened away from your mommy.

Sometimes when I am driving, I will say things to cyclists myself.

A few years ago, there was a guy with the full outfit and some snazzy carbon bike walking a up a mellow incline. I could tell that he had a flat. I slowed down, rolled down the window and said "Don't give up buddy, it's not that steep!" He started to say something about having a flat, but I rolled up the window and drove off before he could finish.

What I can't understand is why do some cyclists ride say 30 miles or more miles away from home, have a flat and call their mommy...err, I mean wife, to come get them because they have a flat?! Fixing a flat is a no brainer, if you're riding a bike, it's just a matter of time before you get a flat.

I saw a guy a year ago came walking into the bike shop with his kit on and his expensive $10,000 CF wonder bike, and wanted the flat fixed. His mommy, dang it there I go again, not only come pick him up the side of the road, but then drove him to the bike shop and waited, and then drove him home. Mommy probably washes his kits for him too.

Thread winner LOL

" I'm sorry "

(Me, riding my full carbon fiber Di2 equipped bike) "My bike is worth more than your car."

Believe it or not, there are some cyclists who don't know how to change a flat. Then there are others who refuse to carry anything that would add more than 10 grams to their road weight. And, of course, my favorite - the guy who brings a spare tube with a 40mm stem, but his bike has 60mm deep aero rims.

I always get a laugh when I see people on the side of the highway with their cars, with the hood up. They are looking to see why it stopped running. 99% of them couldn't tell you where the spark plugs are anymore.

I was flat out told to get off the road because I don’t pay taxes. I guess my tax return was showing while riding my bike.

Some people are incapable of thinking beyond right wing talk radio clichés.

The dumbest thing a motorist said to me was when I was riding my e touring fat bike (North of $10k) with a $4k poodle on my back touring southern Ohio. This woman told me I should stop using drugs, smoking and drinking so I could get a job, get a driver's license, get a car and be able to live in an apartment like decent people do.
I busted out laughing and told her in beautiful English that she was terribly naive and should Google "Bicycle touring the United States". I said it was cheap and can be done for less than $250 per day. Imagine riding your electric bicycle coast to coast with your poodle for a mere $15,000. She looked like she had just eaten a crow.

I think this is why the word "flummoxed" was invented.