Galoot, I've been dealing with your same issues. My best solution is bigger tires with less air and a shorter distance from my sit bones to my bar grips. The 1977
Nishiki International in the photo has a tall and short reach [I think 40 mm] stem. That gets my back and arm angles to about 45 degrees from level. It has
Conti. Ultra Sport 1-1/4" tires with tubes and I run them at 38# in the front and 58# in the rear carrying 215# total. They give me a relative vibration free ride on my chip-seal roads. I do not have pot holes where I normally ride so I get by with the low pressures. I have also discovered that utilizing my core more takes weight off my hands which helps also. I seldom get into the drops and haven't taped them up.
I also have 1982
Shogan single speed steel bike with the thread-less stem converter and
Redshift Kitchen Sink bars. They give a little more height and back sweep. I Installed ReneHerseCycles.com
Snoqualmie Pass extra lignt 700cx44mm w/ Conti Cross Tubes 32/47-622 which I run at 30# front and 40# rear.
This bike gives a very smooth ride. No vibration means happy wrists.